Set Boundaries To Be Mentally Healthy

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When I received my first managerial position in my 20s I felt prepared and ready for the challenges ahead. Come to find out that I was in over my head before I had even finished my first day. Why? I had no idea that I had to make my employees aware of my expectations on day one if I planned on making any type of impact as their leader.

After some great mentorship from a few great managers over the years, I learned how setting my expectations clearly and early on, I could much more easily navigate any situation that occurred in the workplace.

However, it took me a bit longer to realize that using this technique in my life outside of work could be just as effective and have a positive impact on my mental health.

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Setting your expectations in your professional life is even more important when it comes to your life outside the office. We refer to them more as boundaries though.

Boundaries are the healthy, emotional fences we must put up to keep ourselves from burning out mentally and even physically. They give us the ability to say ‘no’ when our values don’t align with what is being asked of us.

But how do we even know what boundaries we want to set? Where do we start?

A great place to start naming your boundaries is to look at your specific values. What do you find to be the most important things to you?

Make a list of the things that are of the most value to you in your life right now. For example: family, spirituality, trust, the environment.

Then rank that list from most important to least important. Keep this list fairly short and keep it somewhere close where you can remind yourself of your current values when needed.

From this list, you can now understand a specific boundary you will make to keep in line with your values. For example, if your boss asks you to come in yet again to cover a shift for someone who constantly calls in sick because they know you will say yes and cover, but this time you have a family dinner you are attending and Family is on the top of your values list, then you can tell your boss that you are unable to help this time.

Congrats! You just set and stood by your first boundary. And in the process, you get to enjoy your family and fill your emotional well. In turn, positively effecting your mental health.

Note that you should do a yearly evaluation of your values as they can constantly evolve over time.

Don’t assume others are mind readers

Part of the process in setting your boundaries is letting those in your circle know. This doesn’t mean that you have to send out an emailed list to everyone you know, but it does mean you need to be prepared to explain why you are saying ‘no’ to those you love.

To help those in your circle understand your choices, you need to be confident in your explanation. You don’t need to be cold and standoff-ish now that you have set boundaries. But saying no to someone you have always said yes to might come as a bit of a shock.

Don’t back down from your boundaries, simply explain that it is important for you to decline their request right now to keep your emotional being healthy. Explain that you are not saying no because of them, but because you must remain true to your values.

You can’t expect those you want to keep relationships with to understand your new boundaries if you don’t talk to them, they are not mind readers.

Know when it’s time to reaccess

Choosing and setting boundaries will do wonders for your mental health, but it doesn’t mean that it will be easy at first.

Being a people pleaser and then learning to care for your mental and emotional being can be hard on some of your personal relationships. Relationships you thought were strong may now show to be toxic.

After you tell others about your ‘why’ you may find that some people may not appreciate this newfound confidence in you. They can no longer reap the benefits of your willingness to make them happy.

And this is where the hard bit comes in. You need to seriously think about what this relationship means to you. Why are you allowing someone to use you for their gain while you suffer?

This is, by far, the hardest part about setting boundaries, but the most important, and most positively influential. It will take some time to feel good about cutting ties with those who don’t respect your boundaries, but know that in the long run, it gives you space to love yourself and respect yourself more deeply.

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Setting healthy boundaries is a process that you will need to work on daily. But I guarantee from the hard work you will reap the benefits. You will find your self-esteem raise, you will have deeper relationships with those you choose to keep in your circle, it will help you with your decision making, and it will improve your mental and physical well being.