Most of us are incredibly undereducated in the “how to deal with sexual attraction” topic, and this is for singles and people in relationship alike. A physical pull towards another person can turn our brains upside down and our guts inside out.
We have trouble thinking clearly and more often than not we are taken over by our primal impulses, that lead us into repeating familiar (and often destructive) behaviour patterns.
WE NEED A SHIFT IN THE WAY WE LOOK AT SEXUAL ATTRACTION
The reason why those behaviour patterns are often destructive and bring up a lot of pain is because we are not accustomed to deeply inquire into what is behind all attractions.
On top of that we are completely illiterate in how to communicate safely and guilt or shame free about what we are feeling.
That is where the drama starts.
The reason why our relationships are the melting pot of neuroses is because we value our intimate relationships in the same way we valued our relationship with our parents when we were small children. Back then rejection meant a threat to our physical survival. The old part of our brain – the mammalian brain – still thinks that way, when your lover leaves you because of another.
The Parental Imprint that we absorb as young children by observing how our parents give and receive love, determines the way we look for love in our later life.
Sexual attraction then is a call from our past conditioning. A call to look at all that which is co-dependent, running away or disconnecting in fear of pain and rejection/abandonment inside of us.
When we can feel all of that deeply, healing can happen. What we feel, we heal.
TWO WAYS TO DEAL WITH ATTRACTION
One is to follow our primal impulses unconsciously, hoping for the fairy tale happy ending that never comes.
The second is to ask what the attraction is showing me about myself, what do I need to feel deeply in order to make space for a different kind of love. Then we can hold the trauma of our past, rather than being captured and ruled by it. Then we can love and simply show up.
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Photo credit: Dara and Simon