So I figured out how to be happy. 😀
Yay! Let’s do this.
For 2/3rds of my life I was educated about the world. You know, school, university, growing up, following instructions, getting married, being a good daughter, wife, mother, friend, teacher, citizen.
It was the only way I knew. My thinking, my world and my experiences were limited.
What I had learned: 😳😳😳
- To keep myself alive by not going against my parent’s wishes
- To be condemned and abused
- To have friendships where you are used
- To not ask for help, to be ‘independent’
- To kill my dreams
- To give up on love because I don’t deserve it
- That others are more important
- That my needs, dreams and goals don’t matter
- To bottle up my emotions and then explode
- To not listen to myself
- That money is hard to come by
I was UNHAPPY. Nothing in my life worked for me: work, relationships, personal goals (huh?), friendship. Nothing.
When I became a mother, everything that I learned in the 2/3rds of my life crumbled before my very eyes.
I was everything to everyone, but who was I to myself?
Who was Neha? How come no one was taught self-enquiry as a way of life? And what was I going to teach my child?
All that I learned ☝️☝️😳?
How to stifle someone’s growth. Setting the foundation for a life of more pain and misery, dissatisfaction, unhappiness and lack of direction.
Wow.🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮 Makes me sick!
Note 1: This is what you learn in abusive dysfunctional families. Or if god forbid one of your parents is a narcissist.
This is the core message and belief you learn from your immediate environment:
You don’t matter. Your relationship with yourself is either nonexistent or it’s an abusive one.
Note 2: Of course, there are other factors at play which make each one of us respond to life differently.
I knew something was off with one of my parents. Here’s where what you decide between ages 9–12 can have a significant impact on your life later on. I remember making a decision at age 11 that I didn’t know was a key factor in changing the trajectory of my life.
Becoming a mother meant having absolute control over my emotions so that it doesn’t affect my relationship with my child — by managing my anger, meditating and showing love to my child, when I had none for myself.
That taught me a very important life lesson — If I can’t love myself, I can’t love nobody else.
Fast forward to present day
I’m at a happy place in life.
How do I know I’m happy?
- I have healthy boundaries and a better relationship with myself.
- I have made peace with my past.
- I express myself in healthy ways.
- I have something to aspire to, a goal to work toward.
- I feel supported in achieving my goal.
- I have a better relationship with my child.
- I’ve found the relationship I had been wanting for all my life.
- The life lessons I learned are helpful to others.
- I’m learning and growing. I learn to be, do and have better from my relationships.
- I’m studying myself and learning from experts how to improve my life.
- I’m confident because of seeing consistent results in my life.
My happiness is something I have total control over. It is not dependent on things outside of my control.
How you can figure out how to be happy
Firstly, don’t be afraid to go alone. If your goal sets you apart from the crowd, STAY ALONE.
My goal was to find myself, who I was. So that I could show the way to my child. I had to separate myself from what was not working for me: meaning getting a divorce, leaving toxic friendships and stopping all communication with my parent.
Sounds selfish and maybe even ruthless. But it’s not. It’s what I wasn’t taught anywhere. It’s called self-love.
Secondly, surround yourself with people who will support you on your journey. This is very important. You can’t do everything by yourself. Today’s Instagram entrepreneur life is a self-deceiving mirage. After clearing out the space by removing toxicity, you must now fill that up with as much growth and positivity as possible. Which means surrounding yourself with people who are pursuing goals and are on a similar path to yours. Like you, they ultimately want personal growth and self-actualization.
Thirdly, stay grounded and grateful. The present moment is the only place you will find happiness. Most people are living in their past or thinking about their future. They are not at peace with where they are. The present moment is where you will find all the opportunities to become the person you were meant to be. Besides, having an attitude of gratitude helps you stay present and focus on what matters in life.
In conclusion
Leave your past where it belongs
So that you can sing new songs
You have new heights to reach
Excess baggage, please beseech
Don’t let others define happiness for you
A man must do what a man’s got to do
I wrote a book called WIRED FOR SELF-LOVE
It has in detail whatever is mentioned above.
Eleven strategies to free yourself from your past
Embrace your true identity & develop confidence that lasts.
If you want to understand yourself, why you are the way you are, why you feel unhappy or stuck in life, how you can get unstuck, make peace with your past, take your power back and find happiness, you’re in the right corner of the world. This book is for you.
WIRED FOR SELF-LOVE has the secrets that help you show up on the stage of life as the best version of yourself that you choose intentionally everyday!
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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