I have some really good friends here in Austin. Back before Covid-19 hit, one group of ladies and I would get together periodically to go out to brunch or for drinks. We’d go to unique places like the Stubbs Gospel Brunch or find a place that served a full English breakfast. Or we’d find a downtown bar for margaritas.
We always had a good time, and the conversations were pretty well balanced.
Then, about 3 years ago my husband left me.
I called my good friends. I was given wine and sympathy. They plotted horrible consequences to my departed spouse. Of course it was all talk. No tires were slashed, no prank phone calls made.
But every time we got together after that, we seemed to talk more about my life than anyone else’s. This was fine for a few months, but then it began to bother me.
I brought this up at the last Zoom meeting we had. During this particular conversation, I’d made an attempt to stay quiet, to ask them questions and be responsive. But they kept asking me about what was going on in my life, and next thing I knew, I’d dominated the conversation. Again.
“I’ve done all the talking,” I said.
“That’s OK,” one of my friends said.
“But your daughter just got engaged!” I said. “We should have spent more time talking about that!”
“Yes,” she said. “But that’s not something that’s happening to me. I’m excited about it, but … my own life is sorta boring. I want to hear about yours.”
My other friends concurred.
I’d just been given permission to dominate the conversation. But…
I made sure to pause regularly, so someone else could chime in. I kept an eye on their body language. And I made sure to let them know how much I appreciated them!
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Previously published on medium
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