As they say, love is just like a drug. It can be addictive, and it can also make you crazy and lose all sense of reason. In short, it can be all-consuming.
But it is also one of the most beautiful experiences that a human being can have. It’s a transformative force that can bring out the best in us.
As a result, we crave it. No, scratch that, we YEARN for it. We long for that connection, intimacy, and the feeling of being seen and understood.
And that’s totally understandable. There’s nothing wrong with wanting love. It’s just a natural human desire.
But you know what the problem is? It’s finding love out of deprivation. You’ve been denied that feeling and you become desperate for it.
There are a lot of consequences when you enter a relationship because you’re desperate for love and affection.
I know that because I’ve experienced that myself. It didn’t end well. Here are the lessons I learned.
You will end up with the wrong person.
You can’t help it. Your desperation will cause you to settle for someone who doesn’t align with your values or treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You’re so desperate for love that you’ll take whatever you can get, even if it’s not a good match.
You will lose yourself.
You will likely become overly dependent on your partner for your sense of worth and identity.
You will start to define yourself by the relationship, rather than by your own values, goals, and passions.
And before you know it, you’ve traded the things that you like for what your partner likes. You’ll even think your opinions have to always match theirs.
In short, you’ve lost all sense of individuality and have become a clone of your significant other.
You will tolerate anything, even mistreatment.
I’ve been there, and it ruined me. I had a partner who cheated on me multiple times.
And because I didn’t want to leave the relationship, I tolerated all the gaslighting and manipulation.
I started to believe that I didn’t deserve better, that that was the best I can get. So I blamed myself for the abuse, thinking that if I were just better or more lovable, I would be treated right.
You will struggle to find happiness and contentment.
Loving out of deprivation will cause you to seek validation and approval from your partner.
Consequently, you will rely on them to make you happy and fulfill all your needs, building on a foundation of codependency and neediness, rather than love and respect.
And let me tell you, that’s not a good life.
Cultivate self-love.
So, what’s the solution?
It’s simple, really. Focus on your worth, build a fulfilling life outside of your relationship, and pursue your own passions and goals.
When you love out of abundance, you will bring your best self to the table. And in return, you will receive love in the healthiest way.
And trust me, that’s the love worth fighting for.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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