The 7 Most Important Things You Should Know Before You Get Married

“Being alive, and with someone you love is a special occasion. Live up your life.” — Lizzie Natesky

Choosing who we marry is one of the most important decisions we have to make in life. It influences our level of happiness, growth, and success, like no other choice.

I am at that point in my life where I know what I want when it comes to dating and relationships. I value honesty, compassion, loyalty, friendship, and companionship.

As I have grown older, appearance has ceased being a great priority for me. I mean, it plays its part but I value the inner beauty and personality traits of my partner more than their height or the number of rock-hard abs across their abdomen.

Many people, like me, experience this shift around their late twenties or early thirties. You come to the realization that the real trait of attractiveness in a person is more about their character than their looks.

This comes in handy when choosing someone to spend the rest of your life with.

What are the most important things you should know before you get married?

There isn’t a definite answer but looking out for how they tick these boxes might help.

. . .

Here are 7 important things you should know before you get married.

1. Your friendship is valuable

Marriage, ultimately, is the practice of becoming passionate friends. — Harville Hendrix

The word “friendship” conjures up thoughts of honesty, vulnerability, trust, companionship, and mutual respect. It also implies an investment of time and energy.

When you are friends with your partner, you have mutual respect for and enjoyment of each other’s company. And I think that is a vital part of a happy marriage.

C.S. Lewis said of friendship: “It is when we are doing things together that friendship springs up — painting, sailing ships, praying, philosophizing, and fighting shoulder to shoulder. Friends look in the same direction.”

When you and your partner value your friendship, when you have arguments it is less about who wins the argument, and more about coming to an amicable solution.

It is not a lack of love, but of friendship, that usually catalyzes an unhappy marriage.

So, if you are friends with your partner in the true sense of the word, that is a sign that should you get married. You will be able to sail through whatever storms may come your way.

. . .

2. Forgiveness is important in the relationship

There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love. — Brynt H. McGill

For a successful marriage with your partner, you should have the ability to forgive your partner.

Being able to let go of past hurts, disappointments and petty arguments is a way to keep yourself healthy both physically and emotionally. When partners practice forgiveness, fully aware that both individuals are capable of hurting and making mistakes, their marital bond becomes stronger.

Keeping count of past wrongs wears both partners down and makes way for hate and extreme bitterness into the relationship.

Your partner is a human being with weaknesses, just like you. With forgiveness granted generously towards each other comes another chance to make new beginnings.

Marriage is three parts love and seven parts forgiveness.

If you and your partner forgive each other wholeheartedly, this is a sign that you could have a successful marriage.

. . .

3. There will be fights; how you react is everything.

“Choose your battles wisely because if you fight them all, you will be too tired to win the really important ones.” — Lizzie Natesky

When living with your partner, it is easy to have disagreements especially when you spend a lot of time together. That is why it is important to choose your battles wisely.

There are times when it is just not worth arguing over trivial issues. Not dwelling on what annoys you and changing the subject is the wisest option in such cases.

Be selective in picking your fights and battles. Sometimes, peace is better than being right.

There will be some trivial issues that should not waste your energy. If you have learned to pick your battles with your partner, you could be on your way to a successful and happy marriage.

Do not waste efforts winning small battles but losing the war.

When you have learned how to pick your battles with each other and with the world, this is a sign that your marriage will probably survive the war. You should marry your partner.

. . .

4. Develop a positive mindset towards marriage

A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances instead of your circumstances having power over you.

The Law of Attraction states that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person’s life.

The belief is based on the idea that people and their thoughts are made from “pure energy”, and that a process of like energy attracting like energy exists through which a person can improve their health, wealth, and personal relationships.

This plays into relationships because whatever mindset you have towards situations in marriage is what manifests.

Marriage at its core is all about respect for the other person — and respect goes both ways.

Your thoughts, mindset, and attitude towards marriage really matter.

If you have a positive mindset towards the concept of marriage, then you open up the possibilities of having a successful marriage with your partner.

. . .

5. Loving each other keeps the relationship alive

A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. — Mignon MacLaughlin

Love is a choice.

Love is in the details.

I do not believe only in falling in love. I also believe in growing in love. In retrospect, we all have love waiting to thrive from within our hearts. All great relationships are built on a foundation of mutual trust, honesty, and love.

For your partner, love is something you should develop and sharpen with focus and determination. Keeping well in mind that it is your choice what you invest your love in.

Many scholars see love as an emotional attachment (Hazan & Shaver, 1987), and as such, they consider the quality of a relationship rather than viewing love as a “yes/no” question.

I think that when you truly love someone, every single day you spend with them, you fall in love even more. Every day you spend with that person is like an adventure into their soul.

You discover that love is in the heart because you love them even when you do not see them.

If you can choose purposefully to love your partner and not just rely on the emotional feelings that you had in your early days, then you should marry your partner.

. . .

6. Your relationship should be built on trust

A marriage without trust is like a car without gas. You can stay in it as long as you want but it will not go anywhere.

One of the most important aspects of a strong, happy, and successful relationship is trust.

It is important that you and your partner fully trust and support each other. It is important to commit to making decisions together, planning your lives together, strategizing together, and communicating well together.

The reality is that trust is built slowly over time. The basis of trust is really the idea of attunement.

The work of building trust happens slowly as you move through life.

If you wholeheartedly trust your partner and know that you can count on them through thick and thin, then it might be time to take the next step. Maybe you should marry your partner.

. . .

7. You and your partner create your own relationship

Life isn’t about finding yourself. It is about creating yourself. — George Bernard Shaw

And as Barton Goldsmith Ph.D. explains in an article in Psychology Today, creating goals as a couple is one of the most powerful and connecting things you can do.

It is important to create your own relationship with your partner. A relationship where you understand and fulfil each other’s needs. You both know that what makes other relationships tick might be different for yours — and being okay with that.

You and your partner should also create your own traditions. These special moments you create will benefit your relationship

Create special moments to remember and develop your own traditions as a couple. They will help you create special memories to cherish for a lifetime.

A great marriage does not happen because of the love you had in the beginning but because of how well you continue building love until the end.

If you and your partner already create your own relationship through your actions, then you should marry your partner.

. . .

Marriage is not a noun, it is a verb. It isn’t something you get, it is something you do. It is the way you love your partner every single day. — Barbra de Angeli

—

This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything