The Heroic Mind Versus Depression

I have a confession: I’ve been battling severe Depression.

This ongoing skirmish has had the usual effects it inflicts on mere mortals like me. Chief among the negative impacts is the immense difficulty to concentrate, as well as flagging capability to engage in what I love to do most: write.

The diminishing of the joy I find in writing is like trying to live without food and water. Writing keeps me alive. It’s my catharsis; it keeps me sane. Without it, I feel as if I’m half-dead, a ghost wandering through a pale semblance of life. If you’re in the midst of the same struggle, you know the deleterious impact of not being able to do—or enjoy—what you love.

So, in an effort to exorcize my Depression (capital D to emphasize its potency) like any proper demon, I’m going to do my best to write about it, ironically. I’m going to slap away at the keyboard, and whatever comes out is what comes out. I hope you’ll come along for the ride. We may see some harrowing things along the way, but that’s what happens when you step out your door and head out on a journey. I’ll try to be as coherent as possible given my current circumstances.

Things will get ugly at times. There will be monsters. It’s all part of the adventure.

Heroism Starts Within

I’ve been transparent that I initially created the “life philosophy” I call Live The Hero for myself. I was—and still am—patient zero. This Heroic Man column has been my attempt to tailor that philosophy for men besides myself.

Yet once again, I am reminded why I began this journey in the first place. I suppose I should thank my Depression for bringing me full circle, and forcing me to get back to basics. See, I’ve been so focused on expanding on the heroic mindset’s application beyond the self, I lost sight of my original goal: to outline heroism’s application on the personal level.

In any story, the hero has to do some internal work before they can take the first step on the journey out into the world. Often, the hero isn’t completely ready, but they at least get themselves to some level of grudging preparedness before setting off.

What I’ve discovered is that this “gearing up” part of the hero’s journey can happen multiple times. Over time and circumstance, resolve falters. Determination withers, and the hero must regroup and recharge. It is an inevitable necessity that you must seek respite from time to time, and make your way home to recover and refocus. It’s hard to do this, when all you’ve known for so long is the striving, the drive to achieve something.

But if you don’t stop sometimes and take stock, the Depression will transform your quest into nothing but a blind grind. If you’re not careful, you’ll become just a zombie, putting one foot in front of the other, an eternal slave to a hunger you’ll never satiate.

Know Your Enemy

Part of my current “regroup” includes a good, hard look at the foe that is hounding me. Depression is a cunning adversary. As with any enemy—whether physical or mental—it’s good to learn as much as possible about Depression, so we can be better prepared to face it.

I can tell you what I’ve learned from my own battles. This enemy is more insidious than your run-of-the-mill funk. Therefore, it’s not easily overcome with occasional gratitude practices, or giving random lip service to finding meaning through the pursuit of passion or purpose. Those techniques and more are indeed a part of my well-being arsenal, but they are only effective if practiced regularly, even if I don’t feel in the mood.

Such positive psychology interventions are the equivalent of guards on the walls of a castle. What I’m fighting isn’t a clumsy giant that wants to loudly storm my defenses. It’s more like a vampire or a ghost against which walls are no impediment. Therefore, my guards need to be much more attentive and watch for subtle signs. You can set sentinels of positive intention to patrol your mind’s ramparts, but if those guards aren’t well-trained or vigilant, they won’t notice the creeping fog or the silent shadow slipping past them.

Know The Signs

Depression is supernatural, you see. It is formless, invisible. It’s a specter haunting your manor, Nosferatu creeping into your room at midnight. It is insidious, endlessly patient. All it has is time. It can wait forever for its opportunity to strike. If not addressed, Depression can seep into your soul through the tiniest cracks, filling you with its emptiness.

When it has its claws in you, Depression will feed on your joy. It will drain your enthusiasm and lust for life ever so slowly, so as not to alert you or your loved ones. You will slip into persistent apathy. When those who care for you question how you’re doing, you’ll sometimes blithely handwave away their worries. Sometimes, you’ll burst out in anger at their concern, surprising them—and maybe even yourself—with the sudden flare of rage. When the anger subsides, you’ll often slide back into the numbness. These are the signs for which you must watch.

The Path Forward

The battle against Depression is complex and life-long. I’ve discussed domesticating the “black dog” before, and I was writing from past experience with that mangy cur. Now, it has come back home to curl up on my lap and sleep on my chest at night. It has gained strength while lurking in the darker recesses of my being for a time, and now I need to fall back on using the hero’s journey as a framework to overcome the struggle with my darkness.

I’ve been here before, and will no doubt be here again. Perhaps you can relate. I ask for your patience as I once again take up this fight. Along the way, I hope to reinforce how the heroic mindset can help me—and you—find the path forward.

Together, we’ll find our way out of the shadows.