Ron Mattocks finds a lost script from the Mad Men spinoff SAHD Men.
Some of you may or may not be aware of cable television’s popular show Mad Men, the stylish drama about a New York City ad agency in the early 1960’s and its enigmatic central figure, Don Draper. Initially, I didn’t care much for the program, but after taking on the nontraditional role of stay-at-home dad (SAHD), I soon found myself enthralled by the rigid parenting roles portrayed by these mad men and women.
Apparently, someone else was too. Turns out a spec script was discovered between seasons 2 and 3 that breached this very topic. How would Don Draper handle being a SAHD after the agency where he worked fired him and his wife Betty was forced to return to work as a model? What would his best friend, Roger Sterling say? How would those that worked for him like Pete Campbell and Peggy Olsen view him? Well, by luck I was able to get my hands on few scene to answer some of these questions. And because it also looks like Mad Men isn’t going to be back on TV for a while, I thought this might fill the void.
♦◊♦
SCENE 1
Fade In:
Interior. Draper Bedroom – Morning
Betty Draper is getting ready to go to work at the agency where she is a model. An unshaven Don is in a T-shirt as he sits on the edge of the bed smoking a cigarette.
Don
(takes drag from cigarette)
I’m here all day with them, Betty. Outnumbered!
Betty
(lighting a cigarette)
Change isn’t good or bad, darling. It just is.
Don
(putting out cigarette)
I didn’t know it would change this much. You made it look so easy.
Cut to Nanny outside in the hallway rolling her eyes.
Don
(lighting another cigarette)
It feels like one big lie.
Betty
(putting out cigarette)
I hate to break it to you, but there is no big lie. There is no system. The universe is indifferent. Now, I have got to get to the agency; the day you sign with a client is the day you start losing them. Say, why don you call your friend Roger to come over for a visit.
Don
(smokes on his cigarette)
I don’t feel like talking. I hate this place. I hate our friends. I hate this town.
Betty
(pulling a cigarette from her purse)
If you don’t like what’s being said, change the conversation, dear.
(exits the room)
Fade Out:
♦◊♦
SCENE 2
Fade In:
Interior. Draper Kitchen. – Afternoon
Don is on the phone with friend and former boss Roger Sterling of the Sterling Cooper Ad Agency. The two older Draper children, Sally and Bobby are running through the house loudly playing cowboys and Indians while baby Eugene is crying upstairs. The nanny hurries through the room and rolls her eyes behind Don’s back on her way to getting the baby.
Don
(setting down a glass of white wine to light a cigarette)
I would never do this to you, Roger. How could you do this to me?
Cut to:
Roger
(pouring a drink at the bar in his office)
Can I just fire everyone?
Cut to:
Don
(taking a drink of wine)
Well you didn’t fire YOU!
Cut to:
Roger
(drinking from highball)
Well, Don, when a man gets to a point in his life when his name’s on the building, he can get an unnatural sense of entitlement.
(loud crash heard over the phone in background)
Geez, Don, what’s going on over there? It sounds like the kids are driving a lawnmower through the house?
Cut to:
Don
(takes a drag from his cigarette and turns his head over his shoulder)
KIDS, THIS IS THE LAST TIME. KNOCK IT OFF AND FIND SOMETHING QUIET TO DO!
(takes a drag and turns back to the phone)
They jump around here all day screaming like a bunch of wild banshees. I think agreeing to stay home and take care of them was a mistake.
Nanny walks through the room and rolls her eyes while holding the baby.
Cut to:
Roger
(Pouring another drink)
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be married?
Cut to:
Don
(takes long drink of wine and a puff from cigarette)
What do you mean, Roger?
Bobby
(walks into the kitchen and interrupts Don)
Daddy, I’m bored.
Don
(putting out cigarette)
Go bang your head against the wall. Only boring people are bored.
Sally walks in wearing a cellophane bag over her head and she is breathing heavily.
Don
(pauses while lighting a cigarette at the site of her)
Sally, what are you doing?
Sally
(turning blue)
Playing spaceman, Daddy.
Don
(using lit cigarette to point at her)
If the clothes from that dry-cleaning bag are on the floor in my closet, you’re going to be a very sorry young lady.
Cut to:
Roger
(swishing his drink around and then swallowing it)
I guess what I’m saying, Don, is at some point we’ve all parked in the wrong garage. Maybe you’re in the wrong garage, Don.
Fade Out:
♦◊♦
SCENE 3
Fade In:
Interior – Office – Day
Ad execs and Don Draper’s former protégés, Pete Campbell and Peggy Olsen are at the Sterling Cooper Ad Agency discussing Don’s new life as a SAHD.
Pete
(pouring a drink)
You know what I once told him, Peg? “A man like you, I’d follow into combat blindfolded.” And I would’ve too, but now look at him.
Peggy
(pulling a drink from her upper desk drawer)
Don’s choice is like him—unique. I don’t think anyone wants to be one of a hundred colors in a box.
Pete
(slams his drink on the desk)
Hells bells, Peggy! I’m a red-blooded American male! The only thing I can think to say to Don now is, “if you pull that waist in a little bit, you might look like a woman.”
Peggy
(stares at Pete for several moments)
I’m Peggy Olsen. I want to smoke some marijuana.
Fade Out:
♦◊♦
SCENE 4
Fade In:
Interior – Draper Living Room – Late Night
Don is sitting on the couch waiting for Betty to come home from work. He’s holding a glass of white wine in one hand and is puffing on a cigarette in the other. Betty walks unconcerned through the front door.
Don
(blows smoke from his cigarette)
It’s late, Betty (forceful)
Betty
(pulling cigarette from her purse)
Maybe I’m late because I was spending time with my agent reading the Bible.
The baby starts crying and the nanny rolls her eyes as she hustles through the living room to get him.
THE END
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It’s unclear at this time as to whether the network will ever air this episode, but fans are hoping it will at least make the special features of the DVD set.
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This post originally published at Man of The House.
—Photo ericalm/Flickr