The Most Important 3 Words to Ask Yourself Before Pursuing a Goal

Wouldn’t it be nice to experience greater fulfillment in life?

Everyone has aspirations and dreams, but they don’t always think things through. Worse, they don’t stop to examine their underlying motivations, and where they might lead.

I’ll bet you know people who are unhappy in their careers. They complain about their bosses, the commute, office politics, and more. Maybe this applies to you?

“How did I get into this mess?” you might ask yourself.

The answer often has to do with money, the expectations of others, and unexamined goals. We chase dollars over contentment, do what others want for us, and fail to reflect on what we really want for ourselves.

Or we romanticize some dream job but fail to reflect on how such a job would change our life. We focus on the perceived good and ignore the bad.

I’m too real for this sh**

The emerging R&B singer Summer Walker has over 3 million followers on Instagram, and her official music video “Body” has over 14 million views. A lot of aspiring singers and fame-seekers would kill for this kind of exposure.

So what does Summer Walker say about fame? Namely, that she’s tired of the phoniness. An article in Thrive Global explored “the bitter spoonfuls of stardom” that Walker is facing.

An excerpt:

To paraphrase, Walker told her 1.6 million Instagram followers that she’s exhausted with the false-facade cloaks that the music industry drapes over its artists. She added that while people under the spotlight put a lot of effort into concocting phony images of themselves, they are lazy about doing the much-needed self-work in discovering who they really are behind all the smoke and mirrors of fame. Walker, in her own words, said, ‘I’m too real for this sh**.’

Too real for this sh**. That’s an important insight into how the dream sometimes conflicts with reality.

A lot of famous people are polished, carefully branded, and marketed products. Sometimes the real person behind the image loses sense of who he or she truly is.

We go blindly on our way

The actor Jim Carrey has made a fortune with his comedic talent. Yet he has battled depression and unhappiness. Carrey once said:

I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it’s not the answer.

So what is the answer?

It probably varies for everyone, because we’re all made up of different passions, abilities, and backgrounds. But part of the answer starts by asking a question consisting of three words:

To what end?

For example, your parents keep telling you to study law or medicine. “You’ll make a nice living,” they say. Or your boyfriend discourages you from pursuing photography. “You’ll be broke,” he warns.

The question you should ask is, “To what end?” A career in law or medicine might indeed bring a good income, but will it bring contentment? A photography career may not be lucrative, but it might feed your soul.

Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful. — Margaret J. Wheatley

People often romanticize their dreams instead of examining unintended consequences.

Cartoons by John P. Weiss

You think being a rock star sounds great. But to what end? What’s the underlying reason you want it? If it’s just for fame and fortune, that can be a shaky reason.

On the other hand, if you are a born singer and songwriter, and you want to move and inspire people with your music, that’s something different. You know that despite the challenges, the end game means you’ll be fulfilled and content with your work.

Who or what is driving me in this direction?

Writer Amy K. Hutchens, in an article for Entrepreneur.com, notes:

We can set a lot of goals, we can think a lot of thoughts, we can behave in all sorts of ways, but ultimately, to what end? Where will this decision lead you?

You can save yourself a lot of time, energy, and grief by asking “To what end?” Take the time to reflect, and think about what brings you the greatest contentment.

Without contentment, wealth and fame can be a burden, just as poverty and irrelevancy can be a burden. Contentment comes from doing things we enjoy, not romanticized delusions of grandeur.

In her article, Amy K. Hutchens went on to write:

Too often, entrepreneurs set goals or outcomes and never ask themselves why. Unpacking your decision and taking a hard look at how it will fuel or complete you is important to your long-term peace. Discerning how this choice might make you feel along the way will influence whether your journey is more pleasurable or painful. So ask yourself: Where am I going? Why am I going? Who or what is driving me in this direction? How do I want to travel down this path?

Journalist Joe Geiger, in an article for the Richmond Times-Dispatch, also embraces the “To what end?” line of thinking. He writes:

When considering taking any action in business or in life, I have for years asked myself, ‘To what end’ do I want to do this? I have found the question helpful in making sure that there is a compelling reason for the action being considered.

This is not to say that there is no place for emotionally-driven actions. Such action is the goal in music, painting, sculpture and many other artistic endeavors. However, in most business and life situations, emotional reactions do not advance the situation toward a specific goal.

A sense of identity, fulfillment, and meaning

When I was a young police sergeant, I used to moonlight as an editorial cartoonist for two local newspapers. I enjoyed my law enforcement career and helping people, but I used to fantasize about being a full-time cartoonist.

Cartoons on my desk

One day I applied for a full-time, staff editorial cartoonist position at a large newspaper in another state. I ignored the fact that newspapers were dwindling around the country, and the position would be far less secure than my police job.

We live in an age where our career becomes a key playground through which to derive a sense of identity, fulfillment, and meaning. A job is no longer just a way to pay the bills. — Adele Barlow, Leaving Law: How Others Did It and How You Can Too

I didn’t stop to ask myself “To what end?” What happens if I get the position? It will mean less income and benefits than my police job. My family would have to relocate. I’d be far away from all my friends.

Fortunately, I didn’t get the position. Even if I had, I realized I no longer wanted the position. I was seduced by the fantasy of the job more than the reality.

I asked myself, “To what end?” I realized that I didn’t have to work for a newspaper to be a cartoonist. I could freelance and still enjoy my law enforcement career, and the financial security it provided my family.

Turns out I enjoyed a 26-year career in law enforcement, and then retired early to write, paint, and draw cartoons full-time. Sometimes dreams work out, just differently than you thought.

Many people lose the small joys

You can save yourself a lot of time and energy by asking the question “To what end?” Serious reflection allows you to see the pros and cons of whatever decision you’re grappling with.

Many people lose the small joys in the hope for the big happiness. — Pearl S. Buck

In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey advised that you “Begin with the end in mind.” Understand the consequences of your decisions.

Ask yourself, “To what end?” You’ll save a lot of time and energy, avoid making bad decisions, hold fast to the small joys of life, and find the contentment you deserve.

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss. I draw cartoons, paint, and write about life lessons. To follow along, sign up for my free Saturday Newsletter here.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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