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Having a significant other is an awesome thing. Let’s be honest, there is someone you are romantic with along with someone who is like a “built-in” best friend. It’s amazing.
Of all the time that you spend together, what would you say is the most impactful? Would it be the dinners? The movies? The laughter? Those are all really good thoughts. However, I have a different opinion. This opinion was brought on by none other than my girlfriend.
The Time You Spend Alone
Alone time? Really? I know this may seem shocking…the fact that I am writing that alone time is more important than time with your partner. Try to hear me out.
. . .
Let me break this down for you in three parts:
1. Learning:
Being alone, to me, is the most valuable time. I don’t mean this just pertaining to relationships, I mean this overall. However, as it turns out, I’m writing about relationships so I’ll stick to the matter at hand.
There is so much to learn about one another in a healthy relationship. When a relationship first begins, there is SO MUCH to learn, and both of you are so excited to dive deep and make these discoveries about the other. However, that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.
I mean learning about YOU. Y-O-U.
In a relationship, one unhealthy mind can sink the whole ship. When you don’t know enough about yourself, you don’t know your wants and more importantly your needs.
Without self-reflection and really getting down and dirty with your thoughts, you can kind of get lost in your partner. Everything will start to blend. Your likes will start to be his likes, or her dislikes will start to be yours.
The real kicker is, they fell for you, for you. The uniqueness that you brought to the table is exactly what drew your partner to you. When you spend so much time together, you run the risk of falling out of touch with what makes you who you are.
In these times alone, make the most of them. Geek out on things that you love to do, or unwind with a good book. Make sure that you have a separate life than your “relationship life”. I don’t want people to confuse me for “Jane’s boyfriend.” Be your own person again and enjoy your time with your thoughts.
. . .
2. Missing Them
I get it, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend are thick as thieves. Always together. If it works for you, great. If not, you might just need more time away.
The other day I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to come over. It would have been like the fourth or fifth day in a row. She said, “no.” When I got a little self conscious, I asked why. Her response was so profound that I decided to write this post because of it. She said, “I like to have time to miss you.”
Mind. Blown.
I went from being a little sad, to absolutely shocked…in a good way. In saying she wanted a day apart, she said that she wanted a day to herself AND that she thinks about me when we are apart.
It suddenly became the sweetest thing I think anyone has ever said to me. She unknowingly inspired this post and made me even more smitten over her. Tonight is one of my “alone nights” and what better way to spend it then typing my thoughts onto a page, processing my feelings, and learning a little bit about myself along the way?
. . .
3. The Reunion
Of all the things that I love about this, I love this the most. After a little time off from seeing each other, the reunion is always so sweet.
The things that you love about that person become just a bit more crisp. This is your person, and it becomes so much clearer why, after a little while apart.
Everything tickles your sensations. From the way they feel to the way they smell. You realized that you missed more about them than you initially thought. You become even more grateful to have them in your life.
The days when you reunite sure as hell beat out just another night of looking like hell and fighting over what to watch on Netflix.
I implore you to give this method a shot. If you two see each other everyday, break the routine and take one night to yourself. You will thank me. When you realize just how much you missed the other you will feel like a million bucks.
A Reminder:
Don’t forget to value that alone time. Learn about who you are, and fall in love with yourself just the way they fell in love with YOU!
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Previously published on Medium.com and is republished here under permission.
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Photo credit: Dương Hữu on Unsplash