The number one reason people are not successful in dating?
Most say they just can’t seem to find the “right” person; however, the right person may have been there all along.
Fear of rejection is what’s stopping most people from having loving, trusting and intimate relationships. The fear of having to put yourself “out there” and risk being rejected can stop the most otherwise confident person from even having a go at this thing we call dating and finding love.
And YES, it is scary and YES it is a gamble; but isn’t life in general?
We put more energy and effort into protecting ourselves and preventing hurt, shame and rejection than we do in trying to figure out how we can experience more loving and intimate relationships.
How often do we hear people say “I am so worried about being hurt again and having my heart broken so I am not going to let the person I am falling in love with know how I am feeling” OR “ I am not going to even put myself out there and start dating as I may get hurt again”?
This is the very thing that stops us from experiencing love on a deeper level, this is the very thing we witness over and over again on all the dating shows on TV. This is what separates the top 3 contestants in any dating show from the rest of the contestants; they are the ones who dared to be vulnerable and risk being hurt and rejected so they had a chance to experience love.
Of course, it also comes down to personal preference and matchmaking; however, we have probably all seen plenty of very attractive men and women in these programs that “fall off the perch” one after the other as the show goes on. We sit on the other side of the TV screen scratching our heads, asking WHY?
This is WHY: apart from the physical and emotional attraction between two people, they also need to feel safe and assured that their feelings are reciprocated. If no one dares to take the first step and share their feelings, they will both be left “empty-handed”. Meanwhile, they keep thinking there is something “wrong” with them, and that they just can’t seem to find the “right” person.
I know these are TV shows and we all love a bit of drama, but the same pattern plays out in the real world when we are looking for love.
We are exposed to risks every day in life; we risk rejection when we look for a new job, learn a new skill or make new friends. It has been said that the level of success we will experience is dependent on the level of uncertainty we are willing to handle in every area of our life; also in love.
If we are wanting to experience love we need to be willing to risk being rejected, perhaps more than a few times until we find our match, and we need to be willing to take the first step and express our feelings rather than waiting for the other person to “make the first move”.
Ask yourself this: what if they all along felt the same way as you but because no one was willing to take the risk you both missed out on potentially experiencing the love of your life?
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