The Only Person You Should Take Advice From

When seeking advice, it is generally wise to consider multiple perspectives and sources of information.

Some live by the principle of never taking advice from people who aren’t getting the results they want to experience. For them, this means:

Don’t take dating advice from single people
Don’t take marriage advice from divorcees
Don’t take business advice

I disagree. I believe if time permitted you to hear everyone’s stories, you would stand to learn a thing or two — even if it’s a lesson on what not to do.

Listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. — Desiderata

It’s usually beneficial to consult a variety of trusted individuals, such as experts in the relevant field, mentors, friends, or family members.

Relying on a single source for advice can limit your exposure to diverse viewpoints and potentially lead to biased or incomplete information.

Take all advice with a grain of salt keeping in mind that whether consciously or subconsciously:

People project their fears — they want to protect you but in doing so might limit you. People who care about you want to protect you from discomfort and pain, even if it’s the pain of your skin breaking open to set free the wings with which you will soar to greater heights. They want to protect you from yourself, but in doing so they won’t allow you to know yourself.
People project their trauma — When giving advice, people project their understanding of the world. They will read between the lines of your situation to underline any semblance to their own experiences. They might even instill fear where you otherwise have felt peace or indifference. They seek to problem-solve where there’s no problem.
People project their insecurities — If they couldn’t do it, you can’t. If it didn’t work out for them, ‘good luck’ to you! As (most) people avoid actually healing themselves, they tend to instead place their insecurities at your feet as if they were your own. Their advice can at times deviate from your issue into something more detailed and personal to them. Know what emotional baggage belongs to you and don’t take on what belongs to others. No one has lived your life. They don’t know how your story ends.
People project their ideal realities — “Leave” is the top advice on any relationship subreddit. People say they’d never stay if a partner didn’t split 50/50 or stayed out late without communicating, or whatever minor or major mistake on their partner’s part. Most people advise within the most ideal realm of life — ‘they should give you a promotion, otherwise, walk away.” Those people would most likely not take their own advice if they were in your shoes. Those people are overlooking the surrounding context of your situation. All their advice and judgments are based on a snippet of the bigger picture, so how valuable can it be in the end?
People be fraudulent —It’s me, hi, I am fraudulent, it’s me. Most of us want to present our best, most intellectual, ‘put together’ selves to the world. I am no stranger to that, even with my writing. Last year, I received a badge as a “Top Writer” in Relationships for a piece about Fuckboys. Online, my bold article was making moves and going viral, but offline I was bargaining for the man who inspired the piece to finally entertain a relationship with me. (Spoiler alert: hE diD NoT).
People perform— When ‘advice’ is unsolicited and shared with the masses, there’s always a performative component to it. Every public figure from — pastors to social media coaches — is performing. Regardless of their truest intentions, they are in the business of monetizing attention. Therefore, whatever you’re buying, they’re selling. Last week, Cardi B’s husband shared an ironic video of her cleaning their home while he articulated her own lyrics back at her:

“I don’t cook, I don’t clean but let me tell you how I got this ring.”

When the cameras stop rolling and the laptop is closed, most people’s offline lives are often very different from what they project to others.

The truth is, we don’t know what happens behind closed doors. We try to mirror our lives off of 60-second crafted and polished soundbites. No wonder we can’t keep up (with the Kardashians).

Truth is a rare commodity lost in the mental noise, clutter, distraction, opinions, and hysteria of today’s society.

Find peace and tune into the truth of your own inner voice.

Seek advice from many, take the advice of your higher Self.

You don’t ever really know what’s going on in someone else’s life, but at least you know what’s happening in yours.

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As always…Thank you for reading! ❤️ — Joyce

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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