Her seatbelt was already undone. She was hunched over like she was about to throw up. Her face was scrunched up. Crying. Borderline screaming. I don’t know y’all, it was just really bad.
And while I was calm, I was trying not to be traumatized. We walked into the house, put our stuff down and I tried to encourage her. There’s just a problem.
It’s hard to advocate for a cure when there isn’t one.
It’s been a really bad few days. Really really bad.
I haven’t really felt like writing. I haven’t really felt like doing much of anything honestly. And I feel like my life is starting to fall apart from multiple angles. A sick parent. A temp job that’s ending and an HR department to backed up to give me any feedback on anything whatsoever.
Not to mention that summer is ending. The weather here is a bitch.
I’ve set aside that my life feels like it’s crumbling for a long time. But today. I don’t know man. Something about today is a little different. I sit at Starbucks unenthusiastically sifting through job applications and watching YouTube videos of cats to just keep myself from crying in the bathroom.
Life in adulthood is really hard. I feel like I wasn’t prepared to independently function at 25. To do the bills and the dishes, go to work (almost) full-time, provide moral support and then try to keep myself safe and organized.
I guess I’m not really sure how to deal with everything anymore. The only thing I really know how to do at this point is to take the best care of myself possible. To make my bed when I wake up and eat good food and live for today and not ruminate on the future. It’s the only strategy that’s given me a little relief.
It — I think — is the only thing that’s keeping me alive today.
Something has to.
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Originally published on Medium
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