Sometimes we have to build the plane while we’re flying it. Life is that plane. And pain is the building tool.
Life’s never graceful. Behind the make-up, the strong muscles, our cells are slowly decaying eventually leading to our impending death.
As a pleasure-seeker and pain-avoider, I do what I can to avoid suffering and expand joy in my life. I assume this principle is generally true for everyone. But still, pain is a fact of life. Romanticize it, philosophize it, seek religion or spirituality, it’s there and it happens.
Consciously, we never choose pain. It chooses us. What we can choose is how we respond to pain. And this can be beautiful. Like a baby and the mother both struggling during the birthing process — pain can also be defined and justified by the purpose it serves.
Like the lotus rising from the swamp, pain can be morphed into the most beautiful things in the stillness of movements, acceptance of reality, and pure grit.
. . .
If a nail pricks me, it hurts. I bleed. So will you. Seldom would I stop and think why it hurts. It just does. That’s life. I have skin and blood. And blood flows. That’s just biology, and pain is a natural teacher.
The avoidance of pain can make us compulsive. That’s where real suffering resides — sickness, addiction, attachment, and jealousy. Accepting pain allows us to accept life as it is. Only then we can grow from pain, and that growth brings meaning to our life.
We all get hurt. Physically and emotionally. And we try very hard to get out of it. There’s no point in ignoring the pain. There’s an important message there. The point is to hear that message as clearly as possible because there’s a reason for the pain.
. . .
Believing there is a purpose behind pain is the foundation for growth.
The story of the butterfly that died is a humbling reminder of the purpose behind the pain. A butterfly struggles to get out of its chrysalis as it slowly and gradually tears apart the walls. The whole process is painful.
If we help the butterfly by pushing it out or tearing the chrysalis during its struggle, the butterfly will die very soon after it gets out because it has no strength to fly. The chrysalis is the only tool for the butterfly to build its resistance and strength. The butterfly has to struggle through this process.
The resilience and the strength we build during painful times is what makes our life valuable. The belief that there is a purpose behind the pain is what gives meaning to our life. And this belief allows us to love ourselves especially in times of pain.
Only with self-love, we can flex like plants and grow in different ways during times of pain and struggle and eventually grow fruits and flowers.
“Through love, all pain will turn to medicine.” — Rumi
. . .
Pain and pleasure serve each other.
Just like pleasure can bring pain, pain can also bring pleasure. Eating too much chocolate can be painful. Likewise, we can also experience a runner’s high after a prolonged and painful workout.
Pain and pleasure are intrinsically linked because they have common neurobiology. They aren’t opposites per conventional understanding. One can lead to another.
This is why people with a moderate amount of lifetime adversity can cope better in difficult situations. Pain builds our resilience and allows more room for pleasure once it had been surpassed.
. . .
Pain makes us more aware of the present moment.
A quick and effective way to practice being present is to feel the pain. When we have a headache, it serves us better if we accept the pain and focus on it instead of trying to ignore it. This brings our awareness to what is actually happening to us in the present moment, in the here and now. When are present, we stop self-harm and start healing.
Being present is what mindfulness teachers have been trying to teach us for a long time.
In some ways, it seems, pain is a shortcut to mindfulness.
. . .
Pain gives us purpose.
If no pain was involved in undertaking projects, raising children, or running a marathon, would those activities still be meaningful?
For sure, they wouldn’t be challenging anymore, and we would have to find other means to grow.
Pain can make us better.
We are very good at coming together in times of crises like natural disasters, and mass shootings. The power of empathy allows us to feel others’ pain, and we get pleasure in being able to help them.
It is said the people experience the most happiness when giving birth, graduating, and finding the love of their life. All these experiences come with the possibility of great loss, and pain. That pain justifies the purpose of achieving something deeply meaningful.
. . .
When it hurts, it hurts. Feeling and focusing on the pain makes us aware of what is actually going on. As the saying goes:
“All progress starts by telling the truth” — Dan Sullivan
Pain leads us to the truth. The belief that our lives are supposed to be free of pain is a threat to our livelihood and progress.
Pain is a call to action. It moves us to grow, to learn, and to achieve practical wisdom.
Pain is the cure.
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This post was previously published on Change Becomes You.
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