We are hard-wired as humans to want to find love. It is not always straight forward and many blocks can stop this from happening.
Love blocks occur as a result of life experiences. When we are children we have fewer worries and fears about forming relationships. Unfortunately, this can change as we get older. sometimes you may not even be aware that you have love blocks, and this means that you would need to identify them before things can be resolved.
You may have blocks if you feel unable to hold a conversation with a potential love through irrational fear. Another sign may be that you are completely tense when the opportunity presents itself, or unable to make eye contact.
Not being able to love can be very frustrating and can leave you feeling bad about yourself. You are not alone many people feel this way, and it can be changed. Let’s have a look at some of the reasons that people develop love blocks and what can be done about it:
Past Trauma
Trauma can occur as a result of many different life experiences. Naturally, you will want to avoid pain, and if you feel that you could be hurt again your instincts will kick in.
One type of trauma is post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS). This relates to anxiety caused by emotional or physical abuse in relationships. You may be suffering from this if you get flashbacks of unhappy times in a past relationship, or if you get physical symptoms like sweating and shaking when you remember a past relationship.
You may start to believe that everybody out there will treat you badly. Especially if you have had more than one bad relationship. This fear will eventually lead to the breakdown of the relationship because both parties will feel like the trauma is putting a strain on things.
How To Fix This
You may not be able to change how you feel overnight but by using regular techniques things will shift over time.
An effective way of working on past trauma is to practice mindfulness. Research has shown that transcendental meditation can reduce and eliminate trauma symptoms. This practice involves sitting silently and using mantras every day that are positive. The research that was done by the Maharishi Institute suggests that positive results can be seen in approximately 3.5 months.
Sometimes it is important to accept that you need help from other people to get past a traumatic experience. There are groups that you can join where you can meet other people that have been through similar experiences. This can help you to open up and talk about your experience with people that understand, and you can begin healing. One-on-one counselling is also effective and can help you to feel supported and listened to.
Lack of Self Love
When there is a lack of self love the subconscious negative emotions block love. This is a form of self-sabotage that people struggle to control.
“How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” — Rupi Kaur
There are many people out there that feel unworthy of love. This usually manifests in being unable to find love or if love is found the relationship is unhealthy, for example abusive. This can be very dangerous for the person with low self-esteem because it can further cement their fears that they are no good.
When people have low self-esteem the vulnerability shows. Certain types of people cling to other peoples’ vulnerabilities and use it to their advantage.
How To Fix This
First of all, don’t beat yourself up about having low self-esteem. It’s important to recognise that it’s not your fault. Self-esteem issues are often the result of negative messages that you receive from others as you are growing up.
One of the biggest steps to gaining more confidence is to identify limiting beliefs and start to challenge them. Try to understand why you feel this way and how this feeling could have started. If you feel that nobody would love you challenge this by thinking of the people in your life that already love and support you.
Surround yourself with as many positive people as possible. Toxic people will only make you feel worse about yourself. Work on being more assertive, and put some rules in place about how you will allow yourself to be treated. You may for example decide that you will stop saying yes all the time or that you will make more time for yourself.
Scared Of Getting Hurt
Fear of getting hurt in a relationship is known as pistanthrophobia. This type of phobia often occurs due to a lack of trust in people. Marriage therapist Dana McNeil believes that this type of phobia occurs as a result of being seriously let down in the past by someone.
A person with this type of fear will avoid relationships because they do not want the same thing to happen to them again. Somebody who has pistanthrophobia will experience a range of negative emotions and physical symptoms. They will experience intense fear when romantic love presents itself. Other symptoms include avoidance of people that show an interest in you and trembling.
Having this type of phobia can be very debilitating and can stop you from being able to live your life.
How To Fix This
Getting professional help is one of the most effective ways of combating pistanthrophobia. This will help you to identify what triggers the fear and address it so that you can overcome it. Over time going to sessions can help you to break down each fear that you have.
Although it may be hard, try to think about things logically and recognise that everyone will not let you down. When you meet new people it is important to treat it as a new encounter. The new person in front of you is not responsible for somebody else’s behaviour. Retrain your brain to give each person a fair chance.
Some people benefit from giving themselves time to heal. If you have been through a bad relationship take some time off from the dating scene. Spend time focusing on rebuilding yourself so that you are more confident when you do eventually get back out there.
. . .
Removing blocks to love is not an overnight process but you can heal over time. If you are already in a relationship it can be frustrating for both parties. If it is not addressed it can put a strain on the relationship over time.
It is important not to ignore the issues. Getting help will stop you from being unhappy. Each person deserves the chance to find love.
“Don’t let your past your present so it screws up your future.” — Mayank Saxena
—
This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: Pixabay