I’m going to be blunt for a second…
And you need to be very honest with yourself.
You need to sit and question. Then question your first response. Then probably your second and your third.
You need to dig.
Is the person you are now unrecognizable from the person that existed 10 years ago?
If not, you may still be wearing “the mask”.
The successful identity
I was 18 when I decided to give my life to the world of construction.
I could have been an artist, a physical therapist, a veterinarian, a banker…
Yet I decided to take the first thing presented to me: to be an electrician. It’s been the bane of my existence.
But it may have also been the necessary suffering I needed to lead me to change.
The question is, why?
It’s not as if I was forced. I had desires and impulses. I had been in art class for four years through high school as well as learned physical conditioning through weight training and Olympic lifting. I was also crazy stingy with my money as I had worked from fifteen and found out what it was like to pay for things.
I had a few exceptionally potential passions.
And I feared them all.
It was my own anxiety and doubt that dissolved every potential path that lay before the clean slate that was me. To the credit of any “new adult”, it’s impossible to know how concretely your next few years will mold your personality. And worse, how solidly you become what you do.
Yet the world and people around you aren’t necessarily helpful in finding an authentic path.
What pushed me to go to electrical school?
Indecision, impatience, money, and the fear of not being the definition of a grown-up. Which is arguably the greatest manipulated lie told to any teenager struggling with direction.
You’re a carcass with the vultures of the world and modern industry looking to pick anything and everything for you.
You’re a potential tool with an expiration date of 50–60 years of ability.
This is the “successful identity”.
The fundamental human
It was 10 years later when I saw the lie.
It was the lie that who you are is based on what you do, and what you accumulate:
- education
- hierarchy
- wealth
- success and status
“The American Dream”
It’s not the American dream that’s the problem…it’s that the American dream is what you’re told is the solution.
This particular way of life is just the accumulation of “things” that show that you’re a contributor, but they are not what make you you.
Why else would people who “have it all” commit suicide, endure depression, conduct infidelity, embezzle money, and otherwise be immoral and disrespectful humans? Or even just be found living in pain?
…
It took a relationship with a special woman to shatter the superficial mirror.
I had never been so forced to ask what was wrong with me, rather than assume there was something wrong with her or the world. She didn’t just love me deeper than I was comfortable with, she questioned my commitment and tested it. She called me out and brought serious issues to the surface.
During our long-drawn-out separation, it was only when she finally stood her ground and refused me for the first time that I broke down enough to completely lose my footing on what was real:
- What is real love?
- What does it mean to love life?
- What does it mean to be passionate?
- What does it mean to be valuable?
- What does it mean to have self-respect?
- What does it mean to believe?
- What does it mean to be a man?
These things.
It’s these things that make us humans. It’s these things that give us purpose, not keeping up with the Joneses.
It’s the fundamentals of our beliefs, intentions, and desire for life that makes us human. Only then do any of the tangible consumerist “American Dream” things become more than the mask.
“The American Dream” is supposed to be the byproduct of our creative value that mold our lives, not the main production.
The difference between the two
I don’t give a f*ck about your finances, your location, or formal accolades.
Maybe you do…
But, what if they were taken from you?
Who would you be?
What you have left after your empire is taken from you is the truth of what you really are as a human and your priceless value to the community and human progress.
It’s your character, your sense of worth to others, your human connection, and your creation of value without it being a modern world transactional.
Think of it like this…
If you were part of an Amazonian tribe or maybe a Cherokee indigenous tribe, what would you be to them? What would you provide?
How would you be known?
What about your character would make you a warrior, a shaman, a caretaker, or a builder?
…
I’d be lying to you if I said that I don’t desire to be wealthy enough to never have to worry about expenses, being a successful writer, and being validated for my work.
But they’re not proof of my worth…they’re just proof of my ability to work for what I think matters.
Even without all that validation, it wouldn’t make sense to me to not write, to not provoke arrogance, to not skeptically question, to not debate existence and love and purpose.
I know my value without having to be told what it is.
That’s the difference between our fundamental humanity and the successful identity.
Our humanity is what we build and value. And it’s that humanity that actually makes that identity become something of worth and something we live through…not live for.
…
So, in ending…
Most of us, we’ve already been sucked into surface-level identity. We’ve been convinced and conditioned to work to pay for our food, homes, and toys.
What’s missing is that we were never taught how to work for our individualized, unique expression.
As such, most of us are living day to day just trying to take care of ourselves. We’re exhausting our bodies and minds contributing to a machine-like system, all the while suppressing the whispering voice that tells us there’s something more.
We’re living as the mask.
And at some point, you’re going to have to throw that mask down, and start living through your questions, your desires, and your curiosity.
It’s these things that will shatter the mask of superficiality and bring forth the new you.
Or, at least the you that you’ve been avoiding.
…
Don’t be afraid.
Remove the mask.
Let the world see what you really are.
And help yourself find an authentic you.
Truth and Love reader.
…
If you like my writing and the things I question, you might( I mean…probably) also like the questions and conversations on my podcast, The Rebel Minded Podcast. Find it with the link below on Substack, or on Spotify, Apple, and Google Podcasts.
There are so many great stories on Medium! If you want to have access to some of the best writing by thousands of creators, start your membership with the link below, which will also support my writing.
Remember…question everything!
https://therebelminded.substack.com/
https://therebelminded.medium.com/membership
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
 |
 |
 |
 |
—–
Photo credit: Iluha Zavaley on Unsplash
