TASK #27: THE THING SPEAKS FOR ITSELF “Res Ipsa Loquitur”
As I have chronicled before, there is nothing that walks, slithers, crawls or swims on God’s great earth that can effect a bonehead move like an American male. All men are endowed with life, liberty and an uncanny ability to pull off (or in some cases, die trying to pull off) stunts that are so stupid, so inane, that in some weird way, have to be respected.
All men are endowed with life, liberty and an uncanny ability to pull off (or in some cases, die trying to pull off) stunts that are so stupid, so inane, that in some weird way, have to be respected.
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Today I have three glorious examples of folly; they are all from my archive–number three is the all-time greatest ever attempted.
1) Dallas – December
A guy was sentenced to 30 years in jail for abducting 3 women at gunpoint from a convenience store, forcing them to buy Red Hot Chitos and 5 Hour energy drinks, then drive around with him to look at Christmas lights. David J— was found guilty of kidnapping and aggravated assault. Why? He said that he “was depressed and wanted some company”.
2) Cleveland – May
Two elderly men, each one armed with an antique pistol, fired 12 shots at each other in an apartment house hallway without either one of them getting hit. The men, one 77 and the other 76, stood only 5 feet apart during the gun battle. Police theorized that they missed because one of the men needed a cane to prop himself up and the other had trouble seeing because of glaucoma. They were released after they each declined to press charges against the other. The 76 year old said that they were fighting over a grudge “that goes way back.”
3) The Hall Of Fame bonehead stunt of the 20th Century
This Hall Of Fame bonehead stunt of the 20th Century (and possibly the 19th century as well, and certainly up ’til today) belongs to the legendary Larry Walker of Los Angeles, Ca. It occurred in 1982. On July 2nd of that year, Larry, a truck driver, while drinking beer in his girlfriend’s back yard, decided that he wanted to take flight–on an aluminum lawn chair. Larry went to an outdoor/army store and purchased 42 helium filled weather balloons. He tied the balloons to the chair, as well as a tether-line that would be manned by his girlfriend and buddy, and then armed with a pellet gun, he sat on the chair. The chair rose in the air–quickly–and the tether snapped, much to the alarm of his girlfriend.
Larry quickly came up with a plan–he would fly east, to the Mohave Desert, and descend. Only it didn’t work out. He was going straight up. He eventually reached 16,000 feet–that’s over 3 miles–where at least 2 airline pilots saw him–finally, when his feet got cold, Larry pulled out the pellet gun and started shooting out baloons.
On the way down the balloons wrapped around some power lines, and took out the electricity in the city of Long Beach for 20 minutes, and Larry dropped to the ground before he was electrocuted.
Larry appeared on Letterman and the Today show, but the FAA was not amused–they charged him with flying a “civil aircraft for which there is not currently in effect an airworthiness certificate” and fined him $1500.00.
A tip of my hat, Larry for a job well done.
TASK
Think about the stupid stuff you’ve done that might have (should have!) ended with you divorced, in jail, or dead.
Photo by Gabriel Gurrola on Unsplash