I know everyone thinks their affair is “different,” but 99.999999999999% of them end in heartbreak. Most leave you even more dissatisfied with your marital partnership than you were pre-affair.
That’s the dirty secret of illicit out-of-network sex.
My advice…try these distractions before you venture into the (often unhappy) world of adultery:
- Adopt a pet. The needier, more high maintenance, and more affectionate, the better. Encourage the pet to demand all your attention and train it to get jealous when you take a vacation with your spouse.
- Write a novel. Ideally, you want to aim for a several-edition saga. Make it really unsexy. A period tale with lots of unhygienic people with syphilis.
- Crochet. Knit. Sew. Stab yourself with all of the implements; your injured appendages will take your mind off your other appendages.
- Train for an ultra marathon. Spend all your spare time running from not only your starting point but also all of your marital problems.. you’ll be too exhausted to be horny.
- Volunteer. Spend your time serving the less fortunate. Reflect on how you, too, could end up homeless when you get caught cheating.
- Start gardening. Do lots of manual weeding. Your property will look fabulous, and your back will ache too much to look for a lover.
- Spend time with your kids. Use that extra effort with them instead of wasting your hours online searching for an affair partner. It might make talking with your spouse look bearable by comparison.
- Just give up. Get fat and old. Getting rejected all the time for being ugly is a great way not to have an affair!
Happy not-cheating!
This is tongue-in-cheek (and I know what kind of tongue action you really want!).
…
This is courtesy of a Redditor who prefers to stay anonymous with my edits.
…
The thrill is worth it…read all my work — over 800 articles on The Medium because you know you want more of my deviance.
Do you want more? Of course, you do! I’m so bad, I’m good. Pretty please, give me your super secret throwaway email. You know you want to…
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
From The Good Men Project on Medium
 |
 |
 |
 |
***
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—–
Photo credit: Brett Jordan on Unsplash
