To Really Be Close to Her, You Have to Be Vulnerable

Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

~Brené Brown

Yes, I said it. The “V” word—VULNERABILITY!!!

Is your reaction, “Yo, I’m not weak”? To break out in a cold sweat? Or, “Tell me more”?

No matter. Opening yourself up to anyone, including yourself, can be scary.

Rejection is a real possibility. That’s why most of us shy away from allowing others to really see us.

But it is a necessary element of real intimacy. Because intimacy means Into Me You See.

And you can’t get that without opening up. Opening your life, your heart, your everything.

But what about that possibility of rejection? It’s real.

Which is why trust is also necessary. It’s not smart to open your deepest thoughts and experiences if you haven’t checked to see if it’s safe.

That’s what happens during dating. You each probe. You each share. You each decide to move forward.

But, unless you are emotionally self-aware, you each hedge. And this sets the pattern for the rest of your relationship.

If your spouse hurts you, even accidentally, the reaction is almost as if you stuck your hand in fire. You pull back and become cautious.

If the two of you don’t heal the hurt, you will continue to pull away and hold yourself back. And your connection and intimacy will take a hit.

You need to rebuild the trust. And that takes courage.

Courage to offer a real apology. Courage to accept one and forgive. Courage to know it will happen again. And again. From you to her. And her to you.

To block your heart from someone you say you care about is not love. It’s fear.

So you’re afraid of not opening up—being closed off, or afraid of opening up—being vulnerable.

Which fear rules you will determine how your marriage will go.

Embracing vulnerability doesn’t require you to be unprotected. You can open up and still keep yourself safe.

The longer you let your fear of vulnerability rule, the less intimacy and connection you will have in your marriage.

It does take courage. And you don’t have to do it alone.

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Previously Published on The Hero Husband Project and is republished on Medium.

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Republished with permission from author

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