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Not so long ago, I went through a very personal and introspective period of questioning everything in my life and about my life. Who I am, where I am, what my purpose is, what I am, why we are here, why we experience the things we do, what I was learning – and more importantly, what I was NOT learning, with repeated lessons. What I did know for sure is that I did not want more of the past. More of the same mediocrity and struggle. I’d have rather been alone and single forever than had anything that wasn’t an absolute fu^k yes. (If it’s not a fu^k yes, it’s a fu^k no!) It was getting to be exhausting, and I was tired of being tired. I was tired of beating my head against the wall, of being in relationships and situations that weren’t conducive to what I want and who I want to be, and what make me happy.
Not so long after diving into these questions and introspections, I met a beautiful, kind, loving, hilarious, nurturing, bubbly, warm and happy woman named Tosca. I knew I would meet THIS woman because I’d met with my spiritual advisor and Psychic Jennifer Hall two months before we met and she told me I would. I knew instantly life would never look like it did before. The clouds had cleared, and the sunshine was out. The winter snow melted in an instant, and it would be spring forever. When we met, I knew I was home. And safe. And seen. And heard. And appreciated. And loved. I’ve always loved love, I used to cry on every episode of Boy Meets World because Corey and Topanga loved each other so much. Now, my eyes get sweaty everyday over the smallest of actions, looks and words. My dogs are happy, loved, cared for and go to Tosca before me most of the time. Her dog snuggles me at night, and lets me hold her paws. Trevor calls me at night just as much as he calls Tosca when he’s scared of a non-existent tornado, or needs help finding a book. Last night, he came to sit in my lap while I was working, to blow on my cheek to make the pfffgggffggtttttttssggttttt sound, and show me the silly pictures he was working on. He’s so lovingly gentle with Zephyr, and shares his little boy silliness with Sully. Everyone is loved, and feels love. She makes sure everyone is happy and taken care of and has what they need for the day.
If you are single, or in a less than happy relationship, keep going forward to your goal. Change your situation. It’s worth it, whatever the cost of “it” might be for you. Being in the right relationship impacts everyone around you, so make the decisions for yourself, your own self love and happiness, not because someone else wants or expects it of you. Live your life for you.
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Photo courtesy The Future is Derrick courtesy of author and Live Good Live Well
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