A Little About Me
Before jumping into this subject, I will say some things about myself. I am a combat military police veteran. I grew up in the forests of Northwestern, PA. I’m not only a first-generation college but also pursuing a Master of Arts in Clinical Mental Health Counseling (CACREP). I’ve also lived in a downtown city condominium where most everyone had a second home. I spent time in South Korea, Haiti, and Afghanistan, with some wild experiences in each of those places. My bachelor’s degree is in Criminal Psychology (a research-based degree with law, psychology, adolescence, substance dependency, and criminal justice classes).
I’m an author (5x). I cohost employment workshops with the city library. I have worked in mental health group homes for teens and have worked with adults in a mental health capacity, helping them obtain employment (I am proficient in resumes, including federal resumes, job search engines, the best way of approaching employment applications, employment assessments, and approaching employers). I have a non-profit that assists people transitioning in and out of the military (including families) in almost every aspect.
I have had several friends and clients who would not normally run into people’s lives, if you know what I mean. I will not even mention an occupational field here in a blog. In relation to that, I have learned nonconventional aspects of life that the plebs, or hoi polloi, have not learned. Lastly, the number of people and subjects I have experienced and learned about is humbling. I am almost finished with a 61-page research paper for the U.S. Committee for Refugees and Immigrants.
Traditional Wife
The very first area of conversation here is where women begin wanting or not wanting to be traditional wives.
My wife never wanted to be a traditional wife. Now that all has changed. Why?
Very simple. Before, she was in a marriage where they were: a) not even friends, and b) he was not someone she wanted kids with. Before we were engaged, she had already been dreaming of having kids with me. So here, we have different wants and dreams based on who she was married to. The same thing applies to everyone. If I were married to someone else, things would definitely not be the same.
How many other women are not madly in love with who they are with and who do not see themselves as being a traditional wife? That is a percentage a person needs to know before they drag traditional wives to the ground. And why would you drag women to the ground anyway if you are happy? Most people who are happy leave others alone and do not talk about them. That is another researched fact.
My wife is an accountant who is on track to be the company’s financial controller in about four years when the current controller becomes CFO. And she’s only been in the company for less than two years. And the company is a $300 Million+ company (I say “+” because I’m not giving the actual number). She is willing to give that ladder all up to stay home with our little girl.
You have got to be crazy to give up a six-figure-salary job, right?
Or just a healthy woman.
Not saying women, who are the latter, who would give up their kids for that kind of income are not healthy women. They have different passions, it seems. Or maybe there is a brain connection off? Who is to say?
Trauma has also made women not want kids. Not wanting kids while having trauma is not a good foundation to say traditional women are losing traction or other weird things. It is not any doctor’s position for anyone to stay in an unhealthy position. Trauma is a barrier. Before a person says traditional is not for them, it is critical to work on themselves because things may change and they may have regrets later in life.
Femininity
It is common knowledge that traditional women have sought after femininity. It is also common knowledge that femininity arouses men.
This makes total sense and makes this traditional wife picture much clearer.
Women who are against traditional women tend to be the ones great men veer away from. We can see that all around. Couples, where the woman is all negative and raises her voice in public over a deli sandwich, are with a man who has questionable masculinity.
Women are not born with top-tier femininity. It is a sought-after strength associated with the female brain that takes years and years of work. Any woman can hook a man, but her inner woman (her femininity) will keep him (or will keep him pursuing her) and not become lethargic.
Some may say they know men and/or women who are unhappy in their traditional roles. Give me one 60-minute session with them, and we will see if there are any loose screws in that statement. I think someone is not being too traditional here…
Difference
There is a world of difference between a traditional woman and a non-traditional woman. A non-traditional woman gears towards employment validation, pleasure validation, or social validation. Employment validation is climbing the economy as an “independent woman.” Pleasure validation is the same as social, where a woman will find a cause, group, or other validation. Such as hippies of the 1960’s and the new ones today. Or feminism.
Old feminism is different than today. If anyone has gone to any feminist events today, they will see a common stereotype — several stereotypes. Any good and just cause will not have negative stereotypes. Looking back to Martin Luther King Jr., we see no stereotype of those who agreed with him. Young and old. Black, White, Asian, etc. Christian — well, most non-African Americans who followed him were Christian. Aside from African Americans, Christianity was the largest stereotype of MLK Jr. events. And MLK Jr. was a Christian.
Women like my wife were non-traditional up until they found a good man. The reason for that was that they were not able to trust the man they were with. Although they would give their lives for their men, good or bad (which is another healthy woman trait), their brain could not process true trust.
If a woman thinks a man will hold her back from achieving her CEO dream of a $1 Billion company is not all that informed. I could not care less if she makes more money than me or what it is that she wants to pursue. If she wants to work past 5:00 p.m., then there is a man out there for her, but it is not me. Why would she want me? Why would anyone want someone who would not be happy with them? I want my wife to fall into a dreamy trance every time I walk into the room. And vice versa, I want to when she walks into the room. I do not want any woman who is not completely sold out for life with me. And I have it.
Traditional women, on the other hand, have a whole list of items they must see before they desire to say “hi” to men. Traditional women understand that they could do just fine in the world without men, and they do! For as long as they need. They do not jump into relationship after relationship. They wait. Women are valuable! The value of women comes straight from God. I do not want readers to confuse monetary value with this value. Women are more valuable than currency or any other component of life. My life is not complete without one. There is an intimate value to and with women. The traditional woman desires to be made one with a husband. The non-traditional woman has no idea what that encompasses.
Without getting off into a different topic, I want to make one point in regard to my last point. It does not matter how hard it is to find a good man. The point is that traditional women have the goal of finding the type of relationship you read about in fairytales. Again, it does not matter if only 5% of people find this. The point is that it exists. Traditional women have that expectation and will wait for a man who has upheld that same standard.
And yes, there is a difference between traditional and non-traditional women of staying home with kids. So, traditional women will need to find not only a good father and husband but also someone who can hold a good job so the whole family can have a good life without her working.
What is Not the Traditional Wife?
There is no care in the world about whether she calls herself Republican, Christian, Libertarian, Conservative, etc., or not. We see these women on YouTube claiming the traditional life.
Before I make this point, I will say that only idiots care about what a person says. There is nothing a person says that will convince me of who they are. The choices they desire to make tell me who they are.
The reason is the point of this section. We see women who rage against liberal religion and ideology. About two years after they reach a good level of fame and popularity, they get married. That is not the traditional wife. You can trace many Christian female musical artists back to their beginnings and see that the same thing happened when they reached Capitol Christian Music Group (CCMG) and other popular Christian labels. Some people may find each other organically, but I am convinced relationships from fame are organic.
Traditional women are not tied to music labels or ideologies. There are merely women inside each of those who are traditional women. Let’s say 10% of women associated with CCMG are traditional women. Saying, “I’m Chrisitan,” “I shoot guns,” “I want to stay home with kids,” etc., does not make a woman a traditional woman.
They dream of being one
98% of traditional wives are not Instagrammers, YouTubers, etc. They are not women men can track down, because they understand men will stalk their life and traditional women do not want that. NONE do, 0%.
What is a traditional woman?
A traditional woman is highly intellectual in her ways of life. She assesses things against what matters to her and what brings fulfillment in life. She is a woman who holds true to what 5% of people do. She is strong and is not easily influenced against her aspirations and dreams. She can rise to CEO of a company if that is her plan, but it is not because she wants to be home with the children to ensure a good upbringing and because she finds fulfillment in it. Women like my wife dream of being a stay-at-home mother and being the traditional wife, even if she is not right now. She loves to teach others, especially her children. She is the glue of the family, including her siblings and parents.
She sees value in what men like about women — meaning, what men like about women is what only her husband will be experiencing. No exceptions. That is the meaning of value for a spouse. If something is of value to me regarding women, I expect that other men do not even get a hint, and vice versa. What is important to her only belongs to her. The largest part of what women desire is to have many real conversations with their husbands. Communication is the key to unlocking emotion for traditional wives, as talking releases oxytocin in the female brain. Thus, when I give that level of communication (including teasing, leading on, and other forms of intimate communication) with others, that is emotional adultery. Adultery for traditional wives is anything that the spouse desires from their significant other and is given to someone else.
She puts her hands to the plow of family and growth. She raises kings and queens. She is transparent with her husband and shares her innermost thoughts and desires with him, and pulls his desires and innermost thoughts out of him. Femininity is the greatest weapon against men. The more feminine, the stronger.
And most of all, the traditional woman is a woman who all men want — even if they do not tell you (because he will not). But every night, he is pulled into a trance about being married to one. Every time he sees one in a mall or supermarket, he wants to drop everything and go home with her. Men are built to take man-secrets to the grave, and women are built to take their man’s secrets to the grave (which is why women stay with abusive men, statistically).
Traditional “trad” wives do not feel lied to; they do not even think about you unless you are family or have an important work role with them. You are the one who is lied to
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Thanks for positive comments (I usually read stories from people who clap 50x and leave a supportive comment)! Thanks for generous claps!! Thanks for following!
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean? | My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence |
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Photo credit: Jason Briscoe on Unsplash