What is important in this world? To be rich? To be powerful? To be smart? To be beautiful? To be healthy?
All of these things have value. If you aren’t healthy, it’s harder to be happy. If you are attractive, it’s easier to find a mate. Being smart makes it easier to solve problems. Of course if you are powerful and/or rich, it’s easier to get what you want.
All of these things can give you good results, but what about being good? Is that important?
Ancient cultures as far flung as the Greeks, the Chinese, and the Maya considered what it meant to be good. Given the course of recent events, being good seems more important than ever.
What are the factors of goodness? Ancient Romans considered duty and honor to be paramount; filial obedience was also a component, which was also true with many Asian cultures.
What about today?
In my personal opinion, I consider three things to be foundational for being a good person: truth, compassion, and tolerance. You may disagree with me, which is fine. Feel free to let me know what you consider important to be considered good.
Truth
What does truth actually mean? After all, doesn’t the definition of what is true change over time?
For example, prior to 1846, when Hungarian doctor Ignaz Semmelweis washed his hands before delivering babies, women often died of puerperal fever. Doctors believed something that wasn’t true until they were proven wrong.
This is an example of objective truth. Objective truth must correspond with reality. In the case above, evidence was collected that proved that washing hands saved lives.
Another example of an objective truth is “one plus one equals two”. Whether or not you agree with this statement is irrelevant. It is true. (Note, I’m ignoring things like rounding of non-integral numbers or special relativity.)
Objective truth matters when you are building a bridge that you hope doesn’t collapse, or balancing your checkbook. It also used to matter when it came to journalism. While the complete truth might not always be offered, there was a journalistic standard that professionals were supposed to adhere to.
Other classifications of truth include subjective truth, as well as normative and complex.
According to Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard, emotions and personal experience color our views of the world. Subjective truth is based on a person’s personal perspective.
Which leads to a quandary. Let me explain.
A couple of months ago I caught my SIL in a lie. She believes herself to be a good person, and has convinced herself she is not a liar. She cited something as fact that I had evidence to prove was false. My evidence was objective data. However, she denied the facts and stuck to her false belief.
Is she a bad person?
If she sincerely believes what she claims, then on a personal level, she is not being dishonest. But there is no way to verify this.
When it comes to matters of personal integrity and truth — I think that when confronted with facts that contradict one’s beliefs, one must be open to the reality that one is wrong. But when it comes to how one feels — that’s more complicated. Feelings are not wrong or right. They just exist.
However, not everyone who states they feel a certain way is being honest. Sometimes people pretend or exaggerate feelings to manipulate other people.
Are people who do that good people?
Compassion
Another factor that I consider important when it comes to being a good person is compassion.
What does that mean, however? What is truly compassionate?
Is being a nice person the same as being good?
The definition of compassion is loosely caring for the suffering of others.
If you genuinely listen to a loved one when they are sad, then you are showing that you care for their feelings. That is a simple way to be compassionate. If, however, you focus on your cell phone while they are sharing a painful experience — then you will not be perceived as compassionate.
Obviously, paying attention to someone is part of showing compassion.
However, if one feels sorry for someone else but does nothing to alleviate that suffering — is one truly compassionate?
And what are the limits of compassion?
Let’s say you pass a homeless person in the street. You feel bad for him or her. Which of these actions do you take?
- You hurry past and feel bad.
- You make eye contact and offer a smile or greeting.
- You give them bottled water.
- You give them a dollar.
- You give them a five.
- You buy them a filling meal.
- You offer to pay for a motel room for a night.
- You offer a week.
- You invite them to your home.
As you can see, there are levels of things someone who feels sorry for a homeless person might do. Which of these things would you rate as truly compassionate?
Note, this is not a trick question. I remember reading a story a while back about a rich Indian lady who told Mother Theresa she would like to help the poor, but she wasn’t going to donate all her wealth. The elderly nun told the lady she didn’t have to do so much to impact the poor.
“Next time you buy a sari,” she said, “get one that is a little less fancy than what you normally buy. Donate the difference to the poor.”
Another thing to consider — is being nice the same as being kind? And which of these is truly compassionate? I wrote about this here:
Tolerance
What does it mean to be tolerant? Does it mean that we accept whatever other people do, say, or believe? Does it mean we are never able to express ourselves? Or is it more complex than that?
The definition of tolerance is the willingness to tolerate something one doesn’t necessarily condone. In particular, it refers to not causing a conflict over opinions, beliefs or behaviors that one does not agree with.
Examples of this might be avoiding talking politics with relatives over dinner if you know this will lead to arguments and strife. However, how far do you go when it comes to tolerance?
What if tolerating certain behaviors ultimately lead to hurting another person?
Yet this is an area that can be more complicated than it appears at first.
I used to have an acquaintance that turned everything into a political discussion.
He was a seriously unhappy individual. He’d consistently made bad choices in his life. His solution was not to take personal responsibility, but rather to clamor for the government to bail him out. Yet he came from a relatively privileged background — he was a white male who was raised by a college professor father and who was fairly intelligent. Yet he felt he was a victim and needed to constantly whine about how things would be different if we lived in the type of utopia he envisioned.
I kept trying to keep our discussions away from politics. At first I tried to be subtle, but finally I asked him if we could just avoid the topic. He refused.
Long story short, he has lost almost all of his friends and acquaintances, myself included. No one wants to talk with him. Are we intolerant? Or is he?
This is true not just with politics, but with many other areas.
For example, here’s another hot button issue — religion. What does it mean to be tolerant? And how tolerant should we be? What are the limits?
Conclusion
I’ve posed a lot of questions but few answers. There is a reason for this. What it means to be a good person can be complex. Yet I think it is important. We all want to be better people. And right now, with all the events happening, being good seems to be more important than ever. But what does it actually mean?
By being a good person, can we make the world a better place? Do we want to?
—
This post was previously published on Shefali O’Hara’s blog.
***
You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock