We Don’t Tell You Everything, but Should We? From @Hmay ep.146

By Beleaf in Fatherhood

Transcript provided by YouTube. Edited lightly with AI.

I wonder if it’s difficult for the generation after us to hear us, because we’re not saying it all. Glenn said, “I share because you don’t,” and here’s the thing: we share, but we can’t even share it all because we are so busy considering the other people that our story impacts or involves. Sometimes people can’t hear us because they don’t have it all laid out on the table. As much as we want to share, we can’t share it all because of the other people who will be implicated in what we share. So, I wonder, what would life be like if we said, “Forget y’all, these people after us, they need to do better. We all need to do better.” So, if this implicates you and you don’t like it, then so be it, but I’m going to make the generation after us better because yeah, like we can’t keep going in the cyclical thing that is so unhealthy and toxic, and just, our generation is becoming more aware of ourselves and where our behaviors are drawn from, etc., etc. We are confronting it. We’re being honest, not only with ourselves but with everyone around us, and the generation before us, they’re not there. They’re not in a place where they’re going to therapy and thinking about their family of origin or being honest about the things that happened to them in their childhood and how that has impacted how they show up as an adult today. You know what I’m saying? And so because they cannot confront their BS, we are stuck.

Yvette is fired up. I’m just frustrated. I’m frustrated because my entire life has been lived considering other people before myself, and even in sharing my story and sharing our story, I feel like we’re still considering people before ourselves. It’s not beneficial for the people after us because they can’t hear us, and the reason they can’t hear us is that they don’t have it all laid out in front of them. They think we don’t know what we’re talking about because we’re only giving them bits and pieces, but if they had the full layout, then maybe, then, like, because it’s still a maybe, but maybe then we’d be able to help them prevent or help them not stumble into the same crap that we’ve been stumbling into, you know what I’m saying?

I think that honor and protect, right? We’re trying to honor the generation before us and protect the generation after us, and the generation after us is looking at us like, “Why didn’t you tell me?” And where do we fit in between the honor and protect? Heal. Honor. Our kids are in this center of the cone, and we are trying to, but we’re also shielding them from the truth. So, I don’t know. I feel like there is a huge responsibility for us as a people to educate, right? Our children, the ones coming after us, but at the same time, charge the people who are responsible for—you know what I’m saying? But the whole thing is, whenever we say this, they go, “I experienced,” you know, it’s going to come back to bite you when you get older. Yeah, yeah, it’s like your kids are going to do that to you, and I’m kind of like, I think that is appropriate. Yes, if my kids have a problem with something I did, then I need to be held accountable for it. Yeah, and I think that even in-house, I am fully aware that I am not like being another being. Being a parent has made me more aware of the humanity that is my own parents, right? I am aware of their humanity. I understand that they did what they thought was best in the time being, and I understand that when my children become older or adults, they are going to have probably a wider wealth of knowledge that informs them on decisions that they’re making and shows them like, “Man, my parents really effed me up right there,” you know what I’m saying? Like, I am completely aware of that, but I think that as we drill into our kids, “Love, learn, lead,” like that lifelong learner aspect of what we’re trying to create in our four kids and model for them in ourselves, it just speaks to that. We’re always going to be learning, not only about ourselves but just how to navigate this thing called life.

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This post was previously published on YouTube.

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