Wait what… What did this scale just say? There is no way! I cannot believe what this scale is saying it must be off. I am devastated. 432 pounds. What in the ever loving all that is holy crap is that scale saying 432 pounds.
Disappointment is nowhere near the verb to tell you how I felt over that number. All I can think about is the meals I have forgone. The hungry nights with nothing to eat. How many times I had fasted for 40 plus hours and my body lied to me.
Desire is such a powerful emotion that is almost impossible to contain when faced with not reaching goal. I had sat in the chair in the lobby imagining to myself that the chair felt roomier. Or that my clothes fit better, why would I lie to myself so bad.
Why would I have told myself such things—why?
There it was—the answer was in the question. Maybe my body was not lying to me. And it was telling me the truth. Could it have been that it was not my body but my mind that had lied. The chair did feel roomier and my clothes did fit better. In fact the clothes I was wearing did not fit weeks ago.
Could the answer have been that I had let myself get so bad that all that I endured had only gotten me to this level. Holy crap that is the truth. The three months of fasting I had noticeably lost 9 inches off my stomach. And that was a truth also.
Now accept that truth over the 432 truth. I went through the rest of the appointment with stoic indifference. All the other numbers were great blood pressure and heart rate great but damn it 432 pounds.
As the Doctor left or Physician assistant he told me great job keep doing what I am doing to have lost the weight I had. It was visible just not to me. I left dejected and somewhat defeated. But resolute in my regard to stay the course.
I go home and my depression starts but not the paralysis kind just depression. Next three workouts suck and lackluster but still went, still fasted at least 18 hours a day. Stay the course.
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