If Mom was alive she would have been married for 63 years. But when I was 12, my parents separated.
As a young boy, I didn’t understand why we needed to leave Dad, but later in life, I knew Mom had set him free.
He found his passion, and in her dying days, Dad was with Mom.
Mom died as a married woman.
Meryl Streep separates from her husband of 45 years
Last night, I read that Meryl Streep and her husband of 45 years Don Gummer have been separated for six years.
Why did it take too long for Meryl Streep to share it with the public, or do we have the right to know?
I first saw Meryl Streep on screen in Kramer vs Kramer, and from then I fell in love with her as an actress, for the most part, her private life has always been private.
After 45 years of marriage, raising four children, and a very successful Hollywood career, Meryl Streep is threading on a new role of a woman who may still be legally married but is a gray divorcee.
In a statement,
Don Gummer and Meryl Streep have been separated for more than 6 years, and while they will always care for each other, they have chosen lives apart,” Streep’s representative confirmed.
Gray Divorce
While it still comes as a surprise, it is not unusual.
It even has a name — Gray Divorce
What is Gray Divorce?
Grey divorce is the demographic trend of an increasing divorce rate for older (“grey-haired”) couples in long-lasting marriages, usually after the age of 50. The divorcing people may be called silver splitters. Divorcing late in life can cause financial difficulties.
And while the divorce rate has gone down, it has doubled in the age group of people over 50.
A great example of gray divorce was that of former VP Al Gore and Tipper Gore in 2010 after 40 years of marriage.
And in recent years, Bill Gates and Melinda Gates.
Why people are divorcing later in life?
The reasons are plenty. One is that life expectancy has increased globally. Globally, life expectancy has increased by more than 6 years between 2000 and 2019 — from 66.8 years in 2000 to 73.4 years in 2019. — WHO
And if people are living longer, why would you want to be in an unhappy marriage?
Some people think it is the empty nest after all the kids have left. As with the case of Meryl Streep, all their kids are grownups. But this article from Psychology Today, 7 Important Truths About Divorce After a Long Marriage lists down someone’s marital past as one of the reasons why people divorce, if you have been divorced before you are likely to divorce again.
Key Takeaways
– 💔 The gray divorce rate has doubled since 1990 but is still less common than divorce among those under 50.
– 💑 The biggest risk factor for gray divorce is having been divorced before, not an empty nest or midlife crisis.
– 💰 Relative wealth can protect against gray divorce, while unemployment stresses marriage.
– 🕰 When long marriages end, problems often start years before the actual split.
– 👨👩👧👦 Kids of all ages struggle with parental divorce. Adult children may blame one parent.
– 😢 Grief over losing the marriage can linger even when divorce was the right decision.
– 😊 Positive outcomes are possible, like improved health or finding love again years later.
As you get older, there will be a day when you ask yourself,
Am I happy?
The most divorced generation
The aging boomers are the most divorced generation. One of the reasons is that women have become more financially independent.
In the case of this woman who got divorced after 32 years, she had a business, and what she sees in her future is different from a life with her husband.
Less divorce stigma
Women don’t feel the shame of divorce compared to a time when a failed marriage meant society thought of you as a lesser person.
It is common to know someone who has gone into a divorce.
Celebrities are no different from us
This year there have been a lot of high-profile celebrity couples who have separated or divorced. From Kevin Costner to Hugh Jackman.
Britney Spears got divorced. Will Smith and his wife Jada were long separated but not divorced.
And now we know that Meryl Streep’s marriage ended a long time ago.
Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep once had a love story that most people think ended up in tragedy.
She fell in love with fellow actor, John Cazale who died in 1978. Stories of how she remained by his side until the day he died would many think he was Meryl’s greatest love.
John Cazale could have been, or isn’t it the people we love, we would always love forever?
She then met her husband Don Gummer six months after he died.
And while their marriage ended it lasted for 45 years.
Mom
When Mom and Dad separated, and neither remarried. Dad was Mom’s only love.
Yet I never really heard Mom talk about it.
They have remained OK through the years, and we would see Dad during Christmas.
And on those occasions, it made Mom happy.
As she was on her deathbed, Dad would visit, and up until we buried her Dad never left her side.
Love is complicated. Marriage is complicated. Divorce is complicated.
Final words
We would always see our lives through the lives of celebrities. And while I would always say, they are different, they are also the same.
We would all go through heartbreak, the joy of finding love, life, and death.
Sometimes we need to let go of people in our lives, not only for our health and sanity but for that person to be free to see a life without you.
Mom sacrificed when she decided to set Dad free and figure out his life. Our lives became difficult. I never blamed Mom. It took me a very long time to be less angry towards Dad.
We may never know what lies ahead but it should never stop us from loving.
And when it ends, it is also the beginning.
As it was for my Mom, and so it shall be for Meryl Streep.
Thank you for reading.
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Previously Published on Medium