Our daughter was born with jaundice. A common medical condition among newborns. She did not want to eat, she only wanted to sleep, and she needed to be on a UV light pad 24/7.
We pushed through jaundice, were diligent in feeding her (with a dropper syringe because she wouldn’t wake to feed), and kept her on the UV pad. The most frustrating part of the jaundice is the feeding.
When babies are brought home from the doctor, they lose about 10% of their body weight. However, they gain it back. Our daughter was not eating, so she was not gaining it back. We were worried she would be kept overnight at the NICU to get the proper nutrients.
2 weeks later, our daughter was breastfeeding (with difficulty due to a tied tongue) and gaining weight. Our pediatrician cleared her to lose the UV pad. Yay!
Then the colic began.
I honestly couldn’t tell you when it started.
All I can remember were the screams and the fights. She would only sleep on my chest on the couch. I lived on the couch with her for 3 or 4 months.
That wasn’t the problem, though. I didn’t mind because she was finally sleeping.
Every night, around 8 P.M. the crying began, right after her nightly feeding.
I would shut off the light and begin the rock her. She would then begin to fuss. Then cry. Then scream. And scream. And scream.
For hours.
Until 2 or 3 in the morning.
If you’re not familiar with colic, KidsHealth.com breaks it down:
has high-pitched crying or screaming
is very hard to soothe
can have a red face or pale skin around the mouth
may pull in the legs, stiffen the arms, arch the back, or clench fists
That arched back was the worst next to the screaming. It was impossible to hold her.
My boyfriend turned to me, yelling through her screams.
“What did you eat today?”
“I don’t know! I just ate rice and the mix you made me!”
“Are you sure? You NEED to write it DOWN! How hard is it to remember to do that?”
I felt our relationship falling apart right before my eyes. All because I couldn’t remember what I had eaten that day.
Our daughter continued to scream. We continued to rock. Finally, she pooped.
***
Home alone was okay. It was only me dealing with the frustration. Finding ways to soothe her. Passing out in our rocking chair after a long night of screaming and a long day of fussing.
We eventually discovered that fenugreek was the culprit—a common ingredient in breastmilk supplements. I stopped taking it and, weeks later, she stopped crying until 2 A.M.
We pulled through the other side. Covered in scratches and bruises. Breathing heavily. Rough yet optimistic.
What colic taught me about parenting
The first thing:
This, too, shall pass.
The good and the bad. We take each moment in stride.
I’m not perfect. I still find myself losing patience with a short fuse. Typically following a rough night. But I try my best to breathe and remember; it will not always be like this.
The second:
Be grateful
The more I share this story, the more I find that many parents struggle with something. A friend of mine takes her son to a speech therapist because he isn’t speaking.
Another has a much more dire problem. He was born without an anus.
We all need to put our lives into perspective at times.
Finally:
I am a good parent
In those moments, you truly see what you are capable of and what you willing to do for your children. It’s sad to say a child screaming could be locked away in their crib to cry it out for hours by a jaded parent.
***
As my daughter is now three years old, I like to reflect on how far we’ve come. Though it was not the smoothest ride, I know that I am a good parent.
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This post was previously published on Medium.
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Photo credit: Sandra Seitamaa on Unsplash