When you think about your past relationships, how much did your past partners have in common with your current partner? Do you think that, unlike others, you don’t have a “type”? What if I were to tell you that when it comes to love and dating, you’re not as adventurous as you think?
Because, according to new research, we all have a type.
Although I never considered having a type, I had to accept that my past partners have more in common than I originally realized, not necessarily in terms of looks but rather in character. In fact, there are psychological traits we’re attracted to. For example, while I like down-to-earth, quirky, and emotional men, maybe you’re into the social butterfly, the quirky artist, or the brooding loner.
And this had me thinking: What if our dating history isn’t a coincidence? What if who we fall in love with is directly tied to the people we dated in the past?
The tendency to like the same type of person
Recent research suggests that we are attracted to love interests with similar attributes, such as religious background, intelligence levels, and educational background. Another study of 1,523 couples, which analyzed the similarity of individual personality traits, found that happy couples’ personalities synced up to 86% of the time. In a separate survey of 1,500 couples, every single couple, including those who had only recently met, shared a similar outlook on life. Therefore, there are logical explanations for who we fall in love with.
How difficult is it for us to date outside of our type? According to Yoobin Park, a Ph.D. student in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science at Toronto University, it’s very hard. This, unfortunately, is also why some people are drawn to people who are not necessarily a great match, such as emotionally unstable people.
On the upside: Although it’s quite hard for us to date outside of our type, our dating behavior is more than simply a predisposition to date similar people. The most interesting part about his research was that the research uncovered the link between partner similarity and self-similarity. Thanks to this link, they provide insight into keeping people in relationships happy since applied strategies help start a new relationship on a good footing.
Identifying a type is difficult and changes over time
Although Park’s study is very revealing, social psychologist Lorne Campbell suggests a wider gap in the scientific literature than we’d like to think. While looking through studies on the subject to determine whether people end up with their type or not, Campbell found that we might tweak our dating history a bit.
One of the studies found that we might change our past dating experiences when we start dating someone we really like. This is why we declare our present partners as our “perfect” match and believe it too. However, it’s also possible that we changed the criteria significantly, such that their preferences now include the attributes of their present spouse. This comes to show how we like to see our dating history and future — adjusting it as life unfolds.
This comes to show that we might not have a defined type after all, but a set of traits and looks we’d like to see in our romantic partners. As with most questions surrounding love and dating, no clear-cut lines define our type, leaving us the freedom to re-interpret our type as we get older and more experienced. Lastly, there are geographic constraints impacting who we’re dating. Namely, we attract the same types because they have access to us — who we see is who we go out with. In other words, you can be that type’s type rather than having a consistent type.
So no, our dating history is not a coincidence. But it’s not set in stone either — with personal growth, who we like evolves too. Using past relationships and your learnings to your advantage might help you see how, what, and if you should alter something about your type. Not only is this an expression of mindfulness, emotional intelligence, and self-understanding, but it also can positively impact future relationships.
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Previously Published on medium
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