What Informs Modesty?

Modesty implies a subtle restraint, avoiding overt self-display. It is unspoken, understated, and hidden. By holding ourselves back slightly, we avoid putting ourselves on display.

Modesty strongly implies keeping things hidden and to yourself, to be subtle instead of loud. Claiming that you are modest paradoxically hints at immodesty. The fact that it is unspoken is imperative.

While it hints at putting ourselves behind everyone else, it is paradoxically a position people consider superior to or better informed than the “immodest” or less concealed.

It is why not wearing big designer logos is described as having an “old money” aesthetic — a style and way of life trending online and coveted by most.

Modesty understands that the goal of communication is not to be noticed but listened to.

In this case, a whisper may be more effective than a scream.

Modesty in context

Modesty can apply to various circumstances, from wealth to the body. When Marilyn Monroe was asked by the paparazzi what she wore to bed at night, she smiled and answered:

“Chanel No 5.”

Her answer implies something seductive (not wearing clothes). Still, by not saying it and leaving it up to the imagination, she hints at modesty, which results in her answer, and therefore character, being viewed favourably.

Modesty understands that the goal of communication is not to be noticed but listened to.

While modesty is fundamentally contingent on subtlety and hiding oneself, it is also heavily influenced by cultural context, era, social class, and many other factors that ebb and flow with time.

Indeed, growing up in a conservative town in Indonesia, I considered anything above knee length and elbow length immodest. But once I came to Australia, I no longer had that perception.

But who was the authority to determine whether something is modest? More specifically, does the authority to define modesty lie within the hands of the observer or wearer? Does the wearer’s intent hold greater significance than the viewer’s perception?

For instance, I have been called “slutty” for wearing short pants on a hot summer’s day. Does it matter if others perceive my shorts as an appeal to the male gaze when I didn’t intend to? More importantly, does the fact that it does attract the male gaze play a role in whether it is modest?

On the other hand, if I don a headscarf to conceal hair loss, does it matter if others perceive my headscarf as a symbol of women’s oppression? Am I concealing my authentic self, or am I asserting control over my body?

What role does intention play in modesty? Is modesty inherently tied to external perception, given that it is closely associated with social politeness, appropriate conduct, and fundamentally opposed to transgression, or does it encompass self-definition and self-presentation, extending beyond mere external perception?

Modesty as a personal choice

Questions surrounding modesty are difficult to address and may be impossible to reach a consensus on. Everyone defines modesty differently. This can be empowering, as it is up to each person to work with the model they find most uplifting in their lives.

While modesty may be perceived as oppressive to women — and this is certainly a true situation for many — it can also be liberating.

For instance, in the ’60s, turtlenecks were a tool for feminists and black activists — including but not limited to the Black Panthers — to direct attention to their minds instead of their bodies.

Designer Hana Tajima compared the current discourse on Muslim headscarves as analogous to turtlenecks. She pointed out that the Western assumption that it is oppressive towards women is inconsistent with the fact that many Muslim women choose to don the headscarf for similar reasons why the Black Panthers chose to wear turtlenecks — and yet one is still politicised while the other respected.

In 2020, Vogue declared that the veil was making a comeback. Meghan Markle’s wedding, the rise in popularity of Edwardian silhouettes, and Old-World veils displayed at Comme de Garcon and Simone Rocha contributed to the veil’s return to trend.

It was described as “vintage glamour.” While the Western veil was described as mysterious and seductive, the Eastern veil was reported as oppressive and anti-feminist.

It is true that societal factors and external interpretation heavily influence modesty. But language evolves over time. The same word we use now can mean something different only a century ago.

Presently, modesty can be used to describe someone positively or negatively. Depending on who you ask, the same thing can be described as modest or immodest.

But this doesn’t mean that any of this matters. In general, we can never control how others perceive us. All we can do is focus on what is most personally uplifting: to find the courage to reclaim the words we use to describe our style.

Conclusion

Modesty can relate to various aspects, such as sexual modesty or modesty about wealth. It is often associated with “old money” in wealth and sexual “purity” due to the lack of ostentatious display.

It can be an effective communication tool. We force people to lean in and listen by not displaying things out loud. We get to be listened to rather than merely noticed.

A whisper may be more effective than a scream.

There is tension between the wearer’s intent and the observer’s perception, as others interpret the same attire differently.

Nonetheless, regardless of whether modesty is about external perception or self-definition and control over one’s body, we ultimately control our bodies — with or without modesty.

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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

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