I looked back at my relationship with Alice searching for what things we felt were necessary in order to feel fulfilling love with each other. These are listed below.
Love Needs Authenticity. Partners need to feel free to reveal who they really are to each other. If they censor what they show about themselves in order to look good, they would be putting on an act and that would make true love impossible.
Love Needs Stability. Love needs to be able to put down roots and know the other will be there for them. If partners run away at the first sign of difficulty, love could never have a chance to grow.
Love Needs Kindness. Everyone is deserving of being treated with compassion and with respect for their dignity. This is especially true with those who are close to us and can be easily hurt by our unkindness.
Love Needs Generosity. Generosity is the foundation of a loving relationship. It is contagious. Your generosity inspires generosity in your partner. Freely giving without expecting payback is an expression of your love.
Love Needs Independence. Any two people are always separate individuals, with unique likes, opinions, needs and choices. It is important to respect each other’s freedom to think, say and do what each believes is best.
Love needs Maturity. Genuine love demands a mature outlook. There is no place for childish behavior. Couples should bring their wisdom, perspective and careful judgment into the relationship.
Love Needs Acceptance. No one is perfect. Constantly judging, criticizing, seeking out fault and withholding forgiveness can kill love very fast.
Love Needs Attention. In order to truly love someone you have to really know them. That means you must look beneath the surface and use your mind, senses and intuition to see, hear and understand the one you love.
Love Needs Touch. Holding hands, hugging, kissing and making love when mutually appropriate is a physical expression of love and caring.
Love Needs Stimulation. Without a couple growing and exploring and meeting new challenges, their love can stagnate. This can eventually lead to boredom with each other.
Love Needs Joy. The reason couples get together is to share play, laughter and celebrate life in each other’s company.
My wife, Alice, and I have tried to bring these qualities into our marriage. This is what we ask of ourselves and ask of each other. I cannot demand Alice be honest, generous, and kind to me if I myself am unable or unwilling to be honest, generous, and kind to her. Like creates like. You tend to re-create in your partner, the person that you are. What this means is that you must be the lover that you want in a partner.
To the extent we have done this, our love grows sweeter and our partnership is characterized by happiness and harmony.
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