Elphie Coyle says “Get over it now, as it’s killing your future love.”
I get it. It hurts.
It began. You walked down the aisle with hopes, dreams and especially those vows, to be with your beloved “till death do us part.”
It ended. Whether violently or amicably, this person who you felt would always by your side isn’t anymore. Whether it’s because you wanted to ended it or them, doesn’t matter.
What matters is that it’s over. Even if you have kids or shared financials interests, this romantic part of your lives is over.
Time to get fully complete. After my first marriage I vowed never to do it again. I blamed the church for making me rush into marriage because I couldn’t wait to consummate it. What was happening underneath it all was I wasn’t complete about that experience that didn’t go the way I planned.
Here are some thoughts to empower you to get this complete and have you fully open to depths of love beyond what you experienced in your marriage.
It’s a giant block to experiencing full love today. You may think you can experience deep love with this hanging around, but you can’t. Either part of your heart is still wanting to be with that person, or it’s hurting from disappointment. If you want to truly honor whomever you’re romantically engaging with, let your ex go.
The deeper pain you’ve felt, the deeper you’ll appreciate the love. This builds on the last point. You may feel you’re damaged goods now, unable to freshly look upon a new romantic interest like back “when you were young.” Bollocks. Now that you’ve loved and lost, you can fully appreciate a great relationship and not take it for granted like you may have when love came easy, and possibly with the wrong person.
Relationships never truly “end.” Most of us have a Monogamous view of relationships. They have a beginning middle and (hopefully when one of us passes on in old age) end. The Polyamorists have a different view. Whilst I’m certainly not suggesting you completely shift to poly (someone practicing polyamory meaning many loves), though checking my overview Monogamish: a Middle Path Between Monogamy & Polyamory might reveal a more suitable way of relating, the poly people have a very positive outlook on breakups. Many polys see relationships as never actually ending, just shifting into something new and different. This perspective can help you get over it, as frankly if it was going to work it would have, and now you can both have a different type of relationship that’s more appropriate and fulfilling.
Create a completion conversation. This is the golden piece. Get fully clear on what is incomplete from that relationship and declare it so with your ex. Speak out everything, all regret. Then create amicability and the potential of friendship over time. Do this in pers on or they don’t want to talk to you, write it out in a letter and burn it by fire! How to create a great completion conversation without it turning into a fight is a whole post unto itself, and luckily I’ve got one for you right here.
Now that you’re out and moving fast towards completion, consider what you can do to create your next love into a Reality Ascending Love here at 10 Ways To Create a “Reality Ascending Love.” Examples include some of the basics like loving yourself first, being grateful for what you have, and asking for what you want.
Your partner is not a mind reader, after all. Now, go forth and move on.
Photo credit: Flickr/bpDrW5