When You Love Someone Too Much

I once loved someone so much, I lost myself. This was the kind of unhealthy, unrequited love that wreaked havoc upon my entire life. He was perfect to me. I put him so high up on a pedestal that he could do no wrong.

I prioritized him before everyone in my life. He considered me no more than an option. Don’t let it happen to you.

Here are signs you love someone too much, and may even have Obsessive Love Disorder:

You are so in love you ignore their flaws

You’ve fallen so hard you only see what you want to see. To you, they are perfect. You wanted to meet your true love so strongly, you believe the fantasy you created in your head.

You prayed for a man or woman like this, so now you believed they were the answer to your prayers.

They are good-looking, accomplished, and talented, so you now believe that’s all they are.

You don’t see that they can be rude, narcissistic, a player, or someone who’s chronically in a bad mood. You only see the goodness in them.

You lose yourself in them

You put all your energy into helping them achieve their goals and dreams. Here are some examples:

A woman loved a man so much, she put off her music career to focus on his. He didn’t even notice or care that she neglected herself. It was all about him.

A man who was a strong conservative, changed himself into a liberal to please his girlfriend.

A woman changed her religion to be closer to the man she loved.

You become their yes person. You agree with everything they say. You bend over backward to please them. You put their needs above yours.

You’ve forgotten who you are.

You obsess about them

Every waking moment of every day is focused on them. They’re the first person you think of when you wake up, and the last person you think about before you go to bed.

You can’t concentrate because you’re floating on a love cloud. You are waiting for them to call, waiting to see them, waiting to make decisions until you speak to them.

You may text or call them too much, and need to connect with them constantly. You want to be wherever they are. Your life feels dull without them.

You want to possess them and protect them. You want to be everything to them.

You read into everything they say and do

You ask yourself if they meant it when they said “Love ya.” You’re trying to figure out if that was a simple “Love ya” or a declaration of romantic love.

They helped you out the other day, so you’re trying to figure out if that meant you’re special to them.

They flirted with you, so you’re wondering if they are into you.

They asked you to breakfast and paid for it, so you’re wondering if that was a real date.

If they don’t ask you on a date, you’re wondering if they’re just scared. They had their heart broken once.

You’ll believe anything but the obvious, which is that they’re not that into you.

You ignore your friends except when you need them to vent to

Your friends are starting to dread when they see your number on the caller ID. The only time you’re calling is when you want to spend hours obsessing, analyzing, and crying over the one you love.

They give you solid advice, but you never listen. All you want is someone to validate you and support your delusions about your crush.

You feel you can’t live without them

You are living on a drama roller coaster. You feel like your life is worthless without your love interest. You feel like you’ll die if they leave you.

You find yourself trying to control a person who cannot be controlled. You find yourself trying to create a romantic relationship that doesn’t exist except in your head.

You become possessive of them and jealous of any person they are attached to except for you.

If they reject you, you fall into despair, sobbing until you can’t breathe from the pain. You’ve turned into an emotional train wreck.

Obsessive love disorder is a thing

Yes, Obsessive Love Disorder is a thing. Research shows that less than .01 percent of people have this disorder. You may have it if you have the symptoms above.

Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) affects more women than men.

The treatment for it depends on the individual’s symptoms. Therapy is helpful.

The kind of people who get Obsessive Love Disorder

Obsessive Love Disorder (OLD) happens often with people with low self-esteem. They are often codependent people that are attached to narcissists. Narcissists love the attention, so they are easily drawn in.

People with OLD often have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or attachment disorders. They are often anxiously attached because of childhood trauma. They may have Borderline Personality Disorder, Erotomania, or Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD.)

The person gets fixated on their love interest to the point of addiction.

When Obsessive Love turns into abuse

Sometimes people with obsessive love become split about their love interest. Now instead of putting them on a pedestal, they become abusive to them. They may even be so jealous or possessive that they’ll cross the line and become violent.

Erotomania

Sometimes their obsessive love may turn into Erotomania. It is a rare mental disorder where a person believes someone who doesn’t love them does. A person with Erotomania may obsess about a celebrity and believe the celebrity who they never met is in love with them. They may stalk the person, or become abusive and violent.

John Hinkley, Jr. had Erotomania. He was so obsessed with Hollywood actress Jodie Foster that he tried to assassinate President Ronald Reagan to impress her. He wrote her letters and believed she was secretly trying to communicate with him through the media.

This is an extreme case scenario and is rare.

If you think you or someone else has Obsessive Love Disorder

If you are obsessed with someone and have all the signs of Obsessive Love Disorder, the only way to be certain you have it is to get an official diagnosis from a therapist. It is rare.

The best way to stop this unhealthy behavior is to get psychotherapy and go no contact with your love interest. And you must work through your issues to avoid repeating the pattern and having an unhealthy obsession with another person again.

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Previously Published on medium

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