When You Put Your Career on Hold to Support Your Partner

I have a wonderful wife, and we’re blessed with two wonderful kids.

We have a big house, passive income, savings, and two cars, we can afford to go on vacations once in a while, and aside from housing and car loans, we are debt free. We don’t need to worry about school or healthcare costs.

My wife has slowly climbed the career ladder from nursing assistant to department head in a nursing home. And she’s earning almost three times as much as I do.

I’m thankful for all my blessings, and I’m in a better position than most. But as great as these things sound, they came at the cost of my career.

The sacrifices I had to make

Our situation was complicated. We were in a long-distance relationship for years. My wife (still my girlfriend) worked in Norway while I was a reception supervisor in a hotel in Singapore. I enjoyed working with people, interacting and creating a wonderful guest experience, and mentoring new hires. I also dreamed of climbing the career ladder.

But before getting married, we had to decide which country to settle in. My wife wanted to settle down in Norway because her life was there. I reluctantly agreed because of the career uncertainty I faced. I also had an inkling it was the end of my career in the hospitality industry.

I cannot work in a hotel reception like I used to because I don’t speak Norwegian fluently enough. I couldn’t even get a job in housekeeping! I was between jobs for over a year before I could land my first job (in a restaurant).

I’ve been working in the restaurant since. I’m still a part-time employee, but I stay because it’s a job that allows me to work in the afternoon only. Our current setup at home is I attend to my kids’ needs from morning until my wife comes home from work. Then, she takes care of the kids while I’m off to work in the afternoon.

This setup allowed one of us to always be home since the kids were still young, and we had no family in Norway to help us. It also allowed us to save daycare and after-school costs. Unfortunately, this setup also limits my job opportunities and how much I earn.

If I wanted to change jobs, it had to be an afternoon shift only. There are not a lot of jobs that are accepting applicants that have schedule restrictions. I can’t just switch shifts and ask my wife to work in the afternoon instead because her job requires her to be present during the morning for meetings.

I’m turning 42 this year. I still don’t have a full-time job. My colleagues at work are getting younger and younger because it’s a job more suited for them. My pay is pitiful. I have no savings of my own and earn just enough money to feed my family and pay the bills.

I feel so left behind by almost everyone I know; my high school and college buddies, ex-colleagues in the call center and hotel, and my relatives. Their careers have advanced, and here I am, stuck at a dead-end job.

Making the most out of the situation I’m in

There were times I felt sorry for myself, wished things were different, and questioned if I had made the right decision. I’m still an ambitious guy. But since I didn’t know what kind of career awaited me in Norway, I had no clear vision or plan for myself.

I did have a vague goal: to make money online by blogging. And as the years go by, it seems more likely that the only way for me to make a career is to create a stable income as a freelancer.

Since I’m just a part-time employee, I have plenty of free time I could use to develop a new skill. I needed to focus on a clear goal and use my situation as an opportunity to pursue something more meaningful.

There’s a long way to go. Since focusing on creating written content in 2020, there have been more downs than ups. I’m far from making a full-time income by writing on the Internet. But what’s encouraging is I’ve already made money writing, scored my first freelance client, written a few posts for my client that are ranking in Google, and got this post that’s still ranking in Google after three years.

I never thought these things were possible for someone who spoke English as a second language. And I’m actually having fun creating written content, and I’m helping others along the way.

Keeping an open mind

Maybe I was meant to write online so I could reach more people. Perhaps a career in the hospitality industry wasn’t meant to be. Or I was fortunate to stumble upon something.

In the end, my message is this: If you had to put your career on hold to support your partner and you feel stuck, I want to let you know there’s always something you can do. Just keep a positive mindset. Instead of moping and grumbling, be productive and focus on what you can do instead of what you can’t, and I promise you’ll find something worth doing, just like I did.

When a door closes, a window opens.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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