Love.
It’s the big no-no in adultery.
We’re not here to wreck lives. Start over. We are cheating to have fun. Enjoy intimacy. Get what we need that we don’t get at home.
Who wants love in an affair?
Pros and cons, let me tell you.
I know how to compartmentalize like a boss, and even I struggle with that four-letter word. Fucking is easy. So simple. Orgasms are a little more complicated sometimes. Lol. Not all women are effortlessly orgasmic.
Who can keep it light in adultery land? I envy them. A friends with benefits situation. Sex without the baggage of more expectations.
Keeping love at bay — I never thought I’d need to.
“I just need sex coming from a dead bedroom.”
“I’m horny, and I need a release.”
“I don’t need more.”
Except I did.
I’m missing everything in my marriage. Holding hands. A shoulder rub. Seeing my husband look at me with longing. A pinch on my ass. Any tiny bit of warmth.
I envied other couples I saw at an outdoor concert that touched each other. “I won’t make the first move. I won’t,” I vowed under my breath. And I didn’t. He didn’t either. Nothing. We sat as separate as stone statues.
Except going in on “all the feels” is complicated in an affair.
That connection is life-changing. It makes sex a million times better, of course. The joy of finding “your person” in a vast world of possibilities.
My adultery friend wrote, “Emotion is the sauce that makes the sex go from good to great.”
Except when it ends. And it will.
“I want more of you.”
“Can you see us together?”
“I wish we could wake up next to each other every morning.”
Then it would inevitably turn into a marriage. And we’ve been there, done that.
“But you have a high libido and so do I! We’d make it work.” Similar libido’s don’t make a union any stronger. Sex might be on track, but all the rest must also line up. It’s not so simple to discount the dismal track record of second and third marriages.
“Maybe we can beat the odds.”
“I will never get tired of you.”
Maybe you won’t get tired of this fantasy. But I know I will. That’s it in a nutshell. Your affair has progressed to “real life reckoning.” But, then, it’s pain and anguish. Cue the crying alone in a car.
Affair “lite” is the answer.
Have the killer sex, fun, and connection. Except no baring of your soul. No figuring out how they tick. No worrying about the “non-existent” future. Enough contact to assuage doubts without going into the “overboard and insecure” category. Regular meets, including “dates” and sex if possible to break the monotony.
No big LOVE.
No starting over and pretending there is a fairy tale ending in all of this.
…
If you want more of my diabolical drivel, read my over 650 articles while hiding in the bathroom. You know you want to…
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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