Why a Long-Distance Relationship Might Not Be for You

My Story

In the next couple of months, my long-distance relationship will be 6 years. It’s a long and such a crazy journey that we both usually still wonder how are we this strong.

But if I’m being brutally honest, there are still times where I want to give up — regardless of how many years we’ve been together. And we did give up on each other back in 2019.

And when he came back four months later, everything started to change for the better. We became stronger and have a concrete plan for the future. There are fewer doubts and moments where we question our decision. But at the same time, as we already learned to live without each other before, we are also ready if things don’t work out as planned.

Many people say the longer you stay with someone, the harder it is for you to let them go. While this might be true, it doesn’t necessarily guarantee your happiness in the relationship. This goes the same with the long-distance one.

I know a woman who recently broke up with her long-distance partner of 10+ years due to their different values. It’s crazy because it seems like a waste of time — although there are always some life lessons she can later learn.

With that being said, a long-distance relationship isn’t for everyone. That’s for sure. But still, many people jump into it and think, “we’ll figure it out later along the way”, then regret it once they realized it’d never work out.

To keep it going, it requires more than love.

You probably heard those statements that say, “love conquers everything”. That sounds romantic and promising, but along the way, when your relationship is getting serious and those butterfly feelings start fading away, you’ll notice that love isn’t enough.

There are many compromises, painful fights, uncomfortable discussions, and sometimes those things can either increase or decrease your love for them — depending on how you deal with it.

There’s also practical stuff that you need to consider. If you think you both aren’t compatible because of the two different lifestyles, then trying to keep it going for one more year would feel like walking on eggshells.

What you can do:

Avoid following your feelings too much because it changes all the time. Be practical and logical before the relationship goes too far and serious. Check the compatibility point and see if you can stay without trying to change them too much.

Unless you have a plan together, you’d question your decision a lot.

I wish I knew this earlier. My relationship used to be very unstable, and so much drama involves. I believe the main reason behind it was because my partner and I didn’t have an end goal — we just knew we loved each other.

Many long-distance couples underestimated having a concrete plan so much. This included me back then, as I used to think we’d go with the flow. But over time, when it hit two years, we could no longer be in the “waiting for something to happen” state of mind.

At some point, you both need to discuss where the relationship is going. If marriage is the goal, then decide where and who’ll be the one moving. Getting all this clear at the beginning makes it easier to keep it going.

What you can do:

Create a plan and stick with it. On the bad days, when things get hard, and you both fight a little more than usual, having this plan in store helps you stay hopeful.

Your surroundings and environment play a role too.

For the background story, I met my current partner online, so it’s expected that many people around us raised their eyebrows when they heard it. I received lots of judgment and thought that I was crazy.

External factor such as having judgmental friends who aren’t supportive of your long-distance relationship isn’t good. Not only it’ll increase your doubts, but also you tend not to know what’s best for you.

You might end up breaking up with your partner just because they keep telling you what you are doing is wrong. Sure they are your friends, and they can have an opinion. But again, try to minimize the loud noise from outside because, at the end of the day, it’s between you and your partner.

What you can do:

Be mindful of the people you surround yourself with. It’s okay to receive opinions once in a while but try not to let it affects your decision in the relationship itself.

Final Thought

Those who are in a long-distance relationship know that it can get mentally and emotionally exhausting sometimes. For me personally, it’s that time when you have disagreements, yet it becomes more complicated because you aren’t in the same place.

And just like anything else, couples tend to call it quits when things get hard. And that’s okay. Ending it doesn’t mean you fail in life. It just means you figured that type of relationship isn’t for you.

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Previously Published on medium

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