“Hey, come out of the room or I’m going to drag you out for dinner! You’ve got 5 minutes to get ready!” — I heard my housemate and best friend Nav shouting at me.
“What an annoying person!” — I thought, while getting out of the bed to get ready. Thinking back, Nav has been the only friend who could stand my awkward introvert behavior for the 4 years of Med School.
He initially respected my introvert nature and let me have time to adjust with people, but with time, he started giving me time ultimatums to get me out of my cozy bed and Netflix chill.
Initially, it wasn’t the most pleasant thing when I was always forced out of my room, but looking back I can only be thankful to him, because that eccentric extrovert had made me a confident person to confront others in real life as a doctor.
I’m glad he really took the effort. Because I learned a lot from him!
He made me talk openly
Photo by Nicholas Green on Unsplash
“Bhathi, can you please order a pizza for us?” one night he asked me.
“Why don’t you do it?” I stumbled on my words. Talking to strangers to order food was a nightmare to me.
“Okay, you can call or we can starve the whole night!” he said and started playing his game again.
3 hours passed, and I was really hungry, but there was no sign from Nav that he was going to order food.
Soon my hunger after a long shift had overpowered the anxiety, and I finally got the courage to call the Pizzeria to get a pizza delivered.
“Hello!” I heard the voice.
“Hello, can I order a Pizza?” I muttered.
“Yes sir! What do you like?”
“Um….Vegetarian?” I said, because that was the only thing that came to my mind which didn’t need much explanation.
“Ok sir, size?”
“Large, I guess!”
And by this time I was sweating profusely, anxious and worried. So I didn’t hear her asking me for my address.
“HELLO, WHERE SHOULD WE DELIVER THIS TO, SIR?” I heard her shouting now.
“Ah yeah, um…” and then I gave them my address.
“Thanks sir!” and I heard her telling me the price.
And she hung up. I was looking blankly at my wall for few seconds, until I found myself smiling alone, proud of my 25 year old self being able to order a pizza by myself.
10 mins later, I heard the door bell ring, and when I ran to the door I found Nav there, accepting the pizza.
Hearing me come down, he turned around and smiled broadly, holding the pizza.
“Good job! I told you it’s not that hard, right? This is on me! I thought you would starve me tonight!”
I smiled back. I felt a bit less scared about ordering food over phone now.
***
As introverts, talking with strangers could be daunting. How many times have you had to process the words of your order before a call or wished why your colleagues didn’t use the texting function as much? I was that person. I didn’t want to talk to anyone on voice and used to wait until the call gets disconnected so I could message them back and ask what the matter was.
But in reality, we introverts have to understand that there are situations in life where you have to do the real physical or vocal interaction with people because sometimes it is faster. Especially for someone like me, when I was rotating in the hospital as a medical student, nothing is more apt than a call to give or receive the information for quick action. But it sounds unnerving, isn’t it?
That’s when you can use the hand of an extrovert best friend. You can learn to talk and to get rid of your alleged-awkwardness when you start to open up to the person you feel the closest. For me, my best friend not only used to talk to me by himself but used to introduce me to his friends and take me to parties that sometimes I literally had to talk to people and learn the trade of it. Slowly with practice you will start to like the company of strangers without feeling drained of your energy and wanting to go home.
Your extrovert best friend is spontaneous. Join him.
Photo by Doran Erickson on Unsplash
During the final year of med school, we went to eat outside which was less than a 2 minutes walk from our place. It was very cold outside but as we planned to return as soon as we were done eating, we didn’t bring jackets.
But my very spontaneous bestie with another friend decided that we would not immediately return to our apartment, but would walk in the opposite direction while eating ice cream. I was obviously annoyed at first because after the long shifts in the hospital, all I wanted was to cozy up in my bed.
However, we ended up walking uphill for around 20 minutes, and I found myself talking about life, sharing fun stuff that happened in the workplace, and b*tching about our superiors.
Today when I look back, it was one of the most surreal walks I have ever had, walking under yellow street lights eating ice cream in a chilly night, and talking random stuff. At the end of the walk, I had very cold fingers and a numb nose-tip, yet a beautiful memory to cherish for years.
So for TLDR, if you have a best friend who likes to pull you out of your room to go out for dinner and then suggests having a random walk at 9 pm on a chilly night, let him do it.
Also yeah, that was the only time I walked to that side of the road.
They are good at leading. You can actually learn some leadership skills.
“It’s Shane’s birthday today!” Nav said to me in an evening.
“Oh ok!” I said still watching the newest episode of my K-drama.
“Let’s go. I told him it’s your off day and he invited you to his party”
“What? I can’t! I’m busy.” I retorted.
“With what? C’mon, let’s go!”
It was useless arguing with him. So long story short, I had to go to the party with him, and surprisingly it was fun. Shane’s girlfriend I met there later became my colleague when I changed my wards, and the traction I already had with her made my work a lot easier and exciting.
Your extrovert best friend would often have a group of extrovert friends they would make a power-group full of laughter and cheers. If you don’t dare to join them, you would have to sit there, confused, trying to comprehend their behavior.
Often all these extroverts being very good at small talk, wouldn’t let you just sit idle. They would be very curious about you, and then you are sort of forced to talk. Take this as a golden opportunity to lead the talk.
In social events, you would find them take charge and start executing the whole plan, and maybe you can learn to help them with it, rather than being idle. Who knows, maybe you would like it, like I did. However don’t force yourself but make baby steps and you will soon find yourself not only being able to lead a conversation and an event but also to widen your social group.
So, if your extrovert best friend ever invites you over for a party, don’t refuse it!
They have a great fashion sense. Learn it.
Photo by Grigore Ricky on Unsplash
“Going on a date?”, one day Nav asked me when I was actually getting ready to meet my now partner. (We had a common mirror table in our small apartment visible from all the rooms around it.)
“Yeah!” I smiled.
“With that? Your date will run away!” said he laughing while walking towards me.
He quickly removed some of my extra layers, helped me choose a well-fit shirt, a better pair of shoes and for the first time since we met, my date told me “You look really smart today!”
***
As a person used to PJs too much, going for an uptight garment could not only make you feel stuffed but also self-conscious making you wonder if you are overdressed or under dressed for the event.
Fear not, you have your personal fashion guide with you, your extrovert best friend. Having more social engagements in a week than your whole life, he would be the best person to give you personalized advice on the appropriateness of your dress at par with the current trends. I always used to ask my friend how the garments would match me, and he always was brutally honest about my choices but also was very helpful in choosing a better one.
Trust me, with time and acclimatization to such nuances, you would undoubtedly learn the art of fashion and it would be very beneficial for you in the long run.
You learn how to express, inevitably how to argue. Do it.
Photo by cloudvisual.co.uk on Unsplash
I should be thankful to my brain that, I can’t remember why exactly Nav once shouted at me. But what I remember is that after his shouting, I shouted back at him for the first time in my life and held the collar of his shirt in an aggressive manner, which made him look surprised rather than looking defensive.
However, quickly we both got calmed down, and talked like adults to solve our issue. We never ever fought again but that moment gave me confidence that I really can assert my point, that I was never intimidated by a colleague again.
Extroverts are good at expressing. They talk their heart out, and that also makes them tell you things that you would disagree with. At first, with your usual-silent-character, you would learn to let it pass, and then you would slowly start to vocalize your opinions. This would be an ice-breaking experience for you. Finally being able to tell what you actually feel is a liberating feeling, and with experience, you would learn how to argue [aka vocalize your opinions].
But in this case, the most important thing is, knowing how to keep yourself calm. Introverts, after having their opinions in a box for a long time, may feel overwhelmed when they start to pour-out. The trick is not to let it over pour and get emotional about it. And never get physical about it. Learn to make your case confidently and assertively, but not aggressively. I’m sure at the end of the day this experience will make you feel more confident about yourself as you feel you can defend yourself verbally.
P.S. — While learning how to argue, make sure you don’t lose your best friend. An argument is never worth it if you have to sacrifice an important person to your life.
***
So these are the best lessons I learned from my extrovert best friend that actually helped me as well as would help any other open-minded introvert.
Finally kudos to Nav, my wonderful best friend for making me “a bit” of an extrovert and help me enjoy life outside the walls of my room. He helped me experience a whole different set of moods and a lot of beautiful memories.
Nav, although we live thousands of kilometers apart now, I wish you all the very best for your soon to be held residency exams. I know you will become a great Cardiologist just as much as you were a great friend to me.
Cheers mate!
—
This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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