A self-proclaimed “nice guy” wonders why women seem to get bored of drama-free love and start looking for trouble.
Dear Sexes: Why do women not know how to handle a nice guy, or a guy who always shows a lot of love, and doesn’t disrespect them? In the beginning, they like all that, but then they start disrespecting you and they take advantage of such niceness. Nice guys ended up feeling frustrated because they don’t receive the same love that they give. Is it really true that what women like is drama, and bad guys who disrespect them, don’t call, and don’t show much love, or who they are?
She Said: Whoa, slow your roll there, partner. First, not all women dismiss nice guys. Here’s the crazy thing: I think “nice guys” are often attracted to drama-junkies.
We all go through times in our lives when we live for the drama. And there’s something so appealing about the fighting-fucking-fighting-mellow for three minutes-fighting-fucking cycle. But for too many of us (men and women alike) we fall into a trap of craving intensity as a replacement for true intimacy.
That cycle is really damaging, and it’s really tricky. The fighting and making up feels so intimate, but it’s not true intimacy if it’s so unstable and you’re always unsure of whether there’s going to be a big blow-up or not.
If you keep ending up with woman after woman who seems to crave drama, then it’s time to look at yourself. Sit down and make a list of the top 5 features that have attracted you to the top 5 women in your life. This is your 5 of 5. Feel free to repeat the same words over again in describing them. What you’re looking for are trends.
To look for the warning signs, figure out how each initially-attractive trait eventually turns bad. For instance, I think sometimes “nice guys” (and “caretaker women”) really love helping a woman and sort of crave that sense of being needed. Therefore, they tend to (subconsciously) drift toward women who need more help – as in, women who have a lot of drama (real or created).
And why do we love being with people who need more help? Then we feel indispensable. We feel important. We feel secure. But is it real security? No.
Take a look over that list of 25 traits and see what you can avoid in the future, as well as what you can heal in yourself.
He Said: Okay, are we talking about ALL nice guys, or one particular nice guy? Never mind, that doesn’t matter. Here’s the deal: women do like nice guys, but they also like a little mystery and excitement. So it’s better to be an adventurous nice guy, rather than a boring one. And regardless of how good a communicator you are, don’t share all your life stories in the very beginning. Be a good listener (though don’t be anyone’s therapist), and leave something to the imagination, when it comes her getting to know you. As a guy, it’s more important to have the ability and desire to communicate, rather than actually communicating everything all the time.
Occasionally women get confused with the whole bad boy thing. Some of them think that mystery, excitement, passion, and adventure can only come from a jerk. In reality, sometimes a jerk is just a jerk, and a boring jerk at that! But don’t worry about those neanderthals. You, just be your evolved, sharing, giving, communicative self. Eventually you’ll find an amazing woman, with enough intelligence and healthy self-esteem to realize she wants a rewarding relationship – with a good guy. Just remember my pointers and you’ll do fine!