Why I Will Never Judge Another Soul Again

I broke up with my girlfriend of 7 years. It should have been over way earlier. But I could never gather the courage to do that because I feared that she would take her own life. Over the course of 7 years, she threatened suicide 5 times. The last time she did that, I finally gathered the courage to not fall for her drama and put an end to the relationship.

I was in a toxic & manipulative relationship for 6 years. The relationship was 7 years long, out of which only the first one was good, the rest were toxic, to put it mildly. It goes without saying that it made me miserable. I was put through intense emotional torture and guilt-tripping from time to time.

From the outside, our relationship looked perfect. Dig a little deeper, and you would know what a mess our relationship was.

We looked so in love and sweet with each other, that I had one of my friends come up to me and say “Don’t you guys ever fight?” Guess what. We fought daily. It was an emotional wreck.

If my girlfriend told you the story, I would come across as quite the villain and pig. And admittedly, I did do my fair share of fuck ups. I am not proud of any of them. I wish I would have done better. It takes maturity and courage to own up to your mistakes. But if you asked her, about what mistakes did she make in the relationship, she would flip out and make you regret asking that question. In her eyes, I made all the mistakes.

And this made me realize an important thing. That judging someone is futile. It is arrogant and disrespectful. And also a waste of time. You don’t know jack shit about the situation. When you judge someone, you assume that you know the situation, but the truth is you don’t. There is often more to the situation than meets the eye.

When I would not want to be judged by someone, when they just hear my girlfriend’s side of the story, how is it fair for me to judge anyone when I don’t have the full context of their situation? So from now on, I will make a conscious effort to not judge anyone. Let there be more love and less judgement.

I extended the relationship for 3 years. It should have ended during the lockdown of 2020. Will people judge me that I didn’t end a relationship even when I wanted to? Yes, they might. Do they know or even care enough to know the reason behind it? I guess not. So the judgement is on them.

…

Thanks for reading and best to you and yours,
— Shashwat

—

This post was previously published on medium.com.

***