When two people care deeply for each other, spending as much time together as possible becomes a priority.
As the relationship progresses, the next big step is moving in together or getting married and sharing a home.
In a conversation I had with a friend not too long ago, he told me he has decided to move in with his boyfriend living in LA.
They have been dating for three months, and both of them were enthusiastic and ready to take the next step in their relationship.
While I was happy about his decision, it did not seem right to some of our friends. I feared that three months was too soon to go live with someone.
My friend weighed the risk and thought it was a risk worth taking. He taught the issues would be mainly petty stuff he could handle, like who gets to keep the remote or who gets in the shower first.
But got disappointed when his boyfriend started getting nosey about who he hung out with and the time spent out.
He complains that their lives have turned opposite of what they used to be. They bicker more frequently than before, and his partner doesn’t like his family visiting.
He assures me he is doing his best to make things work, but he’s having a second thought that living together may not be a good idea for them.
Being in love and living separately doesn’t make sense to many people. However, the social perception of how we love and live is changing.
Loving separately is becoming more and more common and the new trend in relationships may be the answer for those who love their partners but just can’t live with them.
Signs you shouldn’t live together
Living with another person adds a new dimension to the relationship and adds a new set of problems and situations.
Differences in interests or hobbies interfere with one or the other, and even little things like furniture style preferences or favorite colors can be a problem.
Although living together may have its financial perks, emotionally, a cohabiting couple can get into a rut and take each other for granted or drive each other crazy with personal quirks and habits.
Poor communication
Good communication boils down to learning to ask for what you need and respecting each other’s perceptions even when it does not make sense.
People who communicate by giving you the silent treatment after a little fight or have passive-aggressive behaviors, projects, or denying things are difficult to deal with.
If you don’t feel listened to, respected for your thoughts or opinions, even when you disagree, and comfortable speaking your mind, you will be making a huge mistake moving in together.
Avoids intimacy
Intimacy is the glue that holds two people together. You need to feel good about each other to be intimate. If you’re constantly fighting, criticizing, and throwing negative shades on each other, you can’t be close.
And if one of you has a bad habit of making excuses for sex or avoiding sexual intimacy, that can be a problem.
But, if you have agreed that sex isn’t a priority, then there is no reason living together shouldn’t work out.
Ignore boundaries
While you want to prove your love for each other by living together, there is no excuse for your partner to refuse to respect your boundaries or try to trample them on a regular basis.
If your partner jokingly insists you eat food you do not like or make you do things outside your comfort zone, knowing how uncomfortable it makes you feel, then you will be miserable living together with him.
Don’t compromise
Relationships are about compromise. Sometimes, you’re going to have to do stuff you don’t want to do, and sometimes, the other person will have to do the same.
If you’re constantly arguing and trying to convince each other to change, that’s a red flag that you shouldn’t ignore.
It is hard for a relationship to survive without compromising individual differences.
Differences in expectations
Relationships require people to work together for the same outcome.
If you’re both on the same page and hold the same objective as to what to expect from the relationship, whether it be marriage, having kids, or permanent cohabitation, then moving in with your partner isn’t a bad idea.
If you two can’t manage your expectations and compromise where necessary, it will be challenging to have a healthy relationship living together in the long term.
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Previously Published on medium
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