Three years ago, I texted my boyfriend to let him know I didn’t want to date anymore. A year later, we went on a second first date. A few months ago, we celebrated our two-year anniversary.
I don’t say this for congratulatory, “you made it to two years!”; I bring this up because the timing was key to making our relationship work.
The first time we tried dating, my boyfriend had just gotten out of an “almost” relationship. The woman he dated before me was freshly heartbroken and didn’t want to commit. They dated for a year before he decided he didn’t want to wait anymore. She pretty much broke his heart.
As for me, I was still caught up in being attracted to toxic dating habits from guys. My man showed just a little too much interest in me, and, to be honest, I bolted (later, I would find said healthy amount of attention to be one of the things I loved most about him).
But a year does wonders because when the time came that we rekindled our romance, both of us were in a better place to seriously date.
While compatibility plays the most significant role in determining the success of a relationship, timing is a close second. Sometimes, you might make a great match with a person, but you’re not in the right points in your life to get over the hump of becoming a couple.
Both parties need to be ready to be in a relationship.
If someone’s not ready, they’re not ready. A lot of people lie to themselves about being ready for a serious relationship even though they’re dating like they want one (hello, I was one of those people). While you may feel like the total package, this fact will only scare off someone who isn’t ready.
Or maybe they’re trying to move on from heartbreak; perhaps you’re one of the first people they’ve dated since their last relationship ended. You could be perfect for them on paper, but the fact they’re hung up on their ex means they can’t open their heart to you. It’s no one’s fault, just timing.
When someone tells you the timing isn’t right, they’re just “not ready to date,” or they’re not looking for something serious, believe them. That’s not an invitation to wait in line until they change their mind, it’s them being honest about how they’re feeling. It’s your chance to find someone who is ready.
Wrong timing means they’re probably the wrong person.
I only say “probably” because the story of my boyfriend and I was a bit of an anomaly. But, you know what both of us didn’t do during that one year of not dating? We didn’t wait around for each other. We both lived our lives. We both dated new people. We both watched those relationships end around the same time. Again, timing.
If you’re wondering if a relationship is meant to be, ask yourself, “Is this really worth fighting for?” Because chances are, the other person will never change their mind. You’re risking your precious time on someone who may never come around.
If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make it happen.
There’s no “right person, wrong time.” If the person was meant to be with you, the timing wouldn’t be an issue. You need both compatibility and timing to make a relationship work; one without the other does not a relationship make.
My boyfriend and I came back together in the end because of a friend’s going away party. Fate (or destiny, the universe, whatever you want to call it) put us back in the same room after our previous relationships ended. We had a great conversation that night about golden retriever memes, and I was reminded of how kind he is. A week later, we went on our second first date.
Love happens when it’s meant to.
Two years ago, I’d never have guessed that my boyfriend and I would be together today. We didn’t force it. We didn’t wait for it. It just happened.
Love isn’t something you drop your life and wait around for. You can’t buy into the fallacy that maybe if you “met them in two years, things would be different.” You met them now for a reason: because it wasn’t meant to be.
One day, you’ll find someone you’re compatible with, and the timing is right. But here’s the thing: you probably won’t even notice the timing.
Because things will happen so naturally, they’ll feel like they were always meant to be. You’ll wonder why you thought it could’ve worked out with the other people you dated. And you’ll feel silly for trying to force love where it was never meant to happen.
Timing matters. If one person isn’t in the headspace to continue the relationship, things just weren’t meant to work out.
Go out and live your life. If your paths cross again, great. If they don’t, I promise you’ll find someone who does.
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Previously Published on medium
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