Why We Need To Stop Treating Non-Identical Twins Like Twins

“Twins, Marian, Gordon, dinner’s ready.”

No matter how many times we object to people calling us “twins” we are fighting a losing battle. We even try to prove our point by calling our other siblings “single”. It doesn’t work.

This is a repeat assault on my sense of identity and that of my twin sister. Whilst we may well be twins, we are very different, even from a young age. More to the point, we are individual people. People seem to clump twins into one persona.

Calling us “twins” caused more harm than good as we repelled each other to try and find our own space in the world.

Fraternal Twins

My twin sister and I are fraternal twins also known as dizygotic twins. Fraternal twins are more commonly known as non-identical twins.

Non-identical twins occur with the fertilization of two eggs by two separate sperm. Whereas identical twins occur with the fertilization of one egg by one sperm. This egg then splits to develop two babies.

Non-identical twins are no more alike to each other than they are to other siblings born years apart.

Raising Twins

There are several mistakes parents make when they raise fraternal twins. Forewarned is forearmed, so here are some things to avoid:

• don’t dress them the same
• don’t push them into the same hobbies and interests
• don’t give them the same presents or even joint presents
• don’t compare them or label them

There are some things parents can do to help each twin feel valuable and worthy as an individual:

• consider requesting separate classes at school
• highlight and encourage their differences as a positive thing
• spend one-to-one time with each child

Luckily my twin and I were not dressed the same. It may look cute to dress your twins in matching outfits, but believe me, it is stifling their characters.

My twin and I both started helping out with horses from a young age. She lost interest and ventured away and this gave me space to breathe in an environment that was just mine. A world where I didn’t come as a pair. It brought me freedom. Separate hobbies are crucial for non-identical twins to build their own identity.

Whilst it is normal for siblings to face some form of comparison. Twins endure constant comparison to one another. There is the smarter one, the more athletic one, the prettier one, the funnier one … the list goes on. This is unhealthy.

I flourished when my twin and I ended up in different schools.

Twin Studies

I studied Psychology at university. I distinctly recall a revelation during one of my lectures.

Fraternal twins are as similar, genetically, to each other as they are to other siblings. Yet, interestingly they are more different from each other than they are from their other siblings. The interests, behaviors, and habits of fraternal twins have a greater variance than they do between regular siblings.

Unfortunately, I can’t find this study to reference it, my studying days were a long time ago.

I recall fellow students being perplexed by this revelation during the lecture. But it made complete sense to me. All my life, my twin and I were pushed together. We were in each other’s shadows, which we couldn’t escape. We were rivals, not companions or allies. As a result, we had to work hard for our own identity.

Take Away

Non-identical twins share the same genetic similarity as they do with standard siblings. They don’t necessarily have a particularly strong bond with each other. Please treat them as you would standard siblings, as two different individuals. Do not treat them as one person or as an extension of each other.

Please encourage their individuality and differences. Do not dress them the same and never ever refer to them as “twins” in circumstances when you could use their individual names.

Being a twin can be awesome fun, but being pushed together is suffocating and stifling.

If you are parents to twins, enjoy the double trouble, but please treat them as individual people.

Here’s to the fun and mischief that twins can bring.

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Previously Published on medium

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Photo credit: by Dynamic Wang on Unsplash