In most of our lives, we’re bound to meet some very douchy people and some very nice people. But that’s just that, the douchy people just feel douchy to you but they might be a nice person in the eyes of others. It’s all a matter of perspective.
I have a very close friend of mine who is a very nice person. Probably the nicest person I know of. With a big heart and always want to help those that are in need. This all sounds good but at some point, being so nice that you can’t say no to others is not the place you really want to be.
In some sense, you’re being used by the other party, not because they are manipulating you but because you don’t actually want to be there.
When you can’t say no to things that are taking your time and energy away from you, you’re actually robbing yourself of your own potential for better things. And in return, robbing the world of what you can actually give it because you couldn’t work on your passion projects.
It’s sad to see how not being able to reject a request can lead you down a path that you don’t want to be in. And what’s worse is that you can still fail at doing the things you don’t want to be doing.
So ask yourself, why can’t you say no?
Why can’t you take a chance and choose yourself?
Is it because you think that your time is worth lesser than their requests?
Or is it because you’re afraid that you will offend someone by saying no?
Be hated. A rather peculiar piece of advice to give to just about anybody. But at the same time, it is almost as good as it gets.
Let me ask you this question: What do people that are liked have in common?
Well, my answer is that they are generally agreeable and do not possess strong opinions on different subjects. If you’re nice, it means that you’re not pissing anybody off with your strong opinions. Or that you don’t incite anger in people because you don’t stand your ground enough.
Now my follow-up question: Is that the best that we’ve got?
The answer should be a hard NO. Because we owe it to ourselves to spend every last bit of our time however we want and that shouldn’t be judged in any way.\
Say NO, even to your boss
Very unfortunately, there are so many companies in Southeast Asia, especially Malaysia, that don’t pay their employees for their OT hours. It’s a sickening culture because someone is profiting from it while not sharing it with the people who made it happen. If the company is not profiting from it, there is no reason that employees should work until late.
No, saying that all the other employees are comfortable with working without pay is not an excuse to surrender.
No, saying that your boss only gave you the task at 5 pm is not an excuse to surrender.
And no, having your boss claim that you will learn something doing the task is also not an excuse to surrender.
So start with being hated by your boss. Not because you’re a terrible employee but because of his/her unrealistic requests. Your time and energy are worth a lot more, don’t give it away for free.
Then, graduate into saying no to hanging out at the bar after work because you want to work on your side hustles. Say no to the toxic people in your life that only siphons your energy into oblivion. Say no to the trends on social media and let everybody think you’re a weirdo.
By saying no to all of these, you’re actually saying yes to yourself. When you’re saying no to the unnecessary things that don’t add value to your life, you free up some space to fill it with things that will add value to your life. You’re the one who decides on what you actually do, so decide wisely.
Be okay with being hated
How many successful and achieved people in the world is/was greatly hated?
- Elon Musk, the person responsible for bringing the revolution of electric cars to the world was greatly hated because people thought electric cars were just a fad
- Steve Jobs, the person that ignited the smartphone era. Also widely hated at Apple due to him being regarded as a ‘jerk’ when he pushed people to their absolute limits.
And so many more figures that defied what people said and went on to reshape the world we live in today.
But then, take this with a grain of salt because there are also some terrible people that are very much hated upon. People like Bill Cosby, Harvey Weinstein, Adolf Hitler, the list goes on.
The truth is, there are many bad people out there in the world. And when you do something that does not align with them, you’re going to piss them off. In other words, if you’re not pissing some of these people off, you’re probably doing something that these bad people think is right.
So to really do good, you’re guaranteed to be pissing some people off.
Not everybody can understand your vision. But that’s just the way life is. And those who don’t understand it will critique you more often than not. Yes, you can protect it by not telling anybody about it, but you also have to build up your thick-skin-ness to survive these mutters.
You don’t have to strive to be hated all the time, that would be a pretty hard life to live. However, you have to be hated from time to time. Stick to your principles and genuinely say what you think. Be unapologetically yourself. What comes after doesn’t matter.
Learn to respect instead
Look, we’re all merely humans. None of us is perfect. None of our past experiences is exactly the same, which means no same person in the entire world will interpret an issue exactly the same.
But guess what, that’s perfectly fine! And that’s what makes our world beautiful.
Instead of hating on others because they don’t agree with you, why not we have a discussion about it? Sometimes, you can even change their opinions or they could change yours!
If you think about it, it is those who are disagreeing with you that you really need to reach. They either have a perspective you don’t know about or that you can convince them that your method is actually better.
Either way, by having a respectful and open discussion, at least one person is learning and most often, both parties will come out as better humans.
Just because you don’t agree with them on one thing, it doesn’t mean that you should silent their voice. They might be much more educated than you in other fields and are able to contribute in other ways.
Takeaways:
Choose yourself. Always. If some people hate you for that, so be it, they don’t have your best interest at heart anyway. There is no regret or shame in that.
To find real peace, you have to let the armor go. Your need for acceptance can make you invisible in this world. Don’t let anything stand in the way of the light that shines through you. We are not the avatars we create in our minds. We are the light that shines through, all else is merely a distraction.
Being hated is a price that comes with, though not the end-all. If you’re doing something that is being hated by people, then you’re doing something right.
But don’t lose faith as well, because there is also the other side of it. There are people who will ride or die with you all the way from the beginning to the end. These are the people in your life to hold on to, thank, and celebrate with once you cross that finish line. There is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” — Martin Luther King Jr.
Thanks to The Startup.
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Previously Published on medium
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