Tom, a successful CEO, was not talking about his company but about, you guessed it, his marriage of 18 years.
Does your marriage sometimes feel like hell?
Maybe you can relate to Tom’s experience.
“It’s just like we cross wires. I say one thing. She totally misinterprets it. And then she’s off to the races about how I don’t care about her and I’m selfish.”
Tom pauses and takes a deep breath.
“And I’m left scratching my head, wondering, what am I an alien? It’s like we’re on different planets.”
How do we miss each other as partners?
Why are we so distant at times?
And how can what was once the greatest love of your life become a hell?
Often these questions swirl in a guy’s solitary mind, unknown to anyone.
He feels isolated and fearful of talking to anyone about it, even fearful he’ll be found out.
Maybe he’ll eventually talk to a friend or a therapist. And he gets a bunch of stuff off his chest and feels less alone but nothing changes.
Unlike a therapist, as a coach, I’m not particularly focused on you getting stuff off your chest, but more on how you can take action to turn your hell into a heaven, or at the very least, a stable place you can call home.
How can you turn the hell of your marriage into a heaven or stable home?
You have to be willing to take risks. And that means wise risks. Risks that get you payoffs.
In truth, many guys would rather swirl in the why and stay stuck in what I call the maze of self-blame and blaming their wife.
He prefers the hell he knows to the heaven that’s an unknown. And in some ways, that’s common to human nature in its raw unconscious state.
We don’t even know we’re choosing hell. But we damn sure feel it.
Have you co-created a hell of your marriage?
If so, check out the video below to discover a quick filter to know if you are choosing a comfortably known hell over an unknown heaven awaiting you.
Nobody wants to live in hell. Of course not.
And yet when we spiral into the same old arguments with our partner without moving the needle of our relationship forward, choosing comfort over the unknown, we choose hell.
The inferno burns and it f*#king hurts.
You can do better than hell. But you have to be willing to take risks, get uncomfortable, and get the right help.
READ MORE:
Stop Blaming Her & Start Empowering Yourself
Get Past the Burden of Feeling Like a Failure to Her
How to Deal With Her Rejection
—
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com and is republished on Medium.
—
Photo credit: iStock
