Would You Re-Marry Your Ex?

I find myself reading and re-reading a social media post.

“Guess what?! My ex-husband and I have decided to re-marry!”

The comments flow in. Congrats. Congratulations. What great news. So happy for you. The remarks are naturally optimistic and I’m sure they are sincere. Personally, I’m shocked and conflicted.

Am I the only one thinking WTF?! Why? Run! Don’t do it!

Save yourself.

How many people re-marry a former spouse? I wanted to know the numbers. I couldn’t fathom such a thing. I fought for my freedom. It took five years to get my husband to divorce me.

These are the things of nightmares. At least for me. I’m not being dramatic. I’ve had numerous dreams of standing at the altar with my ex. I run in every direction looking for someone to rescue me from marrying him a second time.

I have other questions for the woman posting this great news.

But they’re not appropriate to ask on a well-wishing social media thread? I wonder about them nonetheless. How do your children feel? Are they happy for the two of you? Do they think it’s a good idea? Is the rest of the family excited?

Do your friends applaud your rekindled love?

I know how my inner world would receive such news.

My children, siblings, and friends would tackle me at the altar. If they even let me get that far. If a family intervention failed, I’m fairly certain they would justify a vacation labeled kidnapping.

Would you remarry your ex?

This Chicago Tribune article quotes the only statistics I could locate on individuals who re-marry their exes. The study was done by Dr. Nancy Kalish, who per her Psychology Today profile was an expert on “rekindled romances and lost loves.”

“Nancy Kalish, professor emeritus at California State University in Sacramento and author of “Lost and Found Lovers: Facts and Fantasies of Rekindled Romances” (William Morrow).”

“In her study of 1,001 reunited couples from around the world, only about 6 percent said they married, divorced and remarried the same person. On a more positive note, though, 72 percent of those who reunited stayed together, particularly if their separations occurred at a young age.

Sadly per her website, lostlovers.com Dr. Kalish passed away in 2019. She was well respected in this area and authored several books on the topic. The one mentioned above and The Lost Love Chronicles: Reunions and Memories of First Love.

My shock is dissipating just a bit.

I write a nice comment on the Facebook thread.

I wish these brave lovers the best. How can I not? I don’t need to understand it to root for their success. Far be it from me to rain on anyone’s parade. And I learned something that even this relationship writer has never delved into since it gives me nightmares.

This is not a phenomenon albeit it is rare.

Six percent of us still love our spouses enough to roll the dice twice.

—

This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.

***

You Might Also Like These From The Good Men Project

Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often

Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything

—

Photo credit: Shutterstock