I recently read a story about a young woman who stands on a corner here in our town. She’s a lovely person knocked down by life, who holds a cardboard sign saying “I used to be somebody.” While I don’t know her whole story, I was struck by how often targets of narcissistic abuse also feel this way. I used to be somebody.
Well, I am here to say, no matter how low a narcissist has made you feel, whether in an intimate partnership, workplace, or family, you never “used to be” somebody. You always are, rightfully someone, and rightfully here. It is, in my opinion, the nastiest thing these toxic people do — make us feel like we have lost our place in the great movement of life.
As I work with targets of narcissistic abuse in my coaching practice, this is often the core work to be done. Not to become someone, but to remember that we are, and have always been. And no matter how devalued we have been, to realize that the most awful behavior, the nastiest person, and/or the most insulting treatment cannot take away our fundamental rights of being.
This is what needs to be remembered. That we are indeed, someone. No matter what. And so, I am reminded today of this lovely poem by Hafiz:
If God Invited You to a Party
If God
Invited you to a party
And said,
‘Everyone
In the ballroom tonight
Will be my special
Guest…’
How would you then treat them
When you
Arrived?
Indeed, indeed!
And I know
There is no one in this world
Who
Is not upon
His Jeweled Dance
Floor
—————————-
A professional coach can help you unpack all the treatment you received in a narcissistic relationship/toxic workplace. Contact Ann to talk about one-to-one coaching.
—
This post was previously published on butnowiknowyourname.wordpress.com and is republished on Medium.
***
You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
 |
Join The Good Men Project as a Premium Member today.
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS.
A $50 annual membership gives you an all access pass. You can be a part of every call, group, class and community.
A $25 annual membership gives you access to one class, one Social Interest group and our online communities.
A $12 annual membership gives you access to our Friday calls with the publisher, our online community.
Register New Account
Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
—
Photo credit: iStock
