You Can Reinvent Your Life and Be Happy

Certain things stay with us our entire lives, like immutable guideposts that reflect our deepest passions.

For me, it has always been the blank page, awaiting marks from my drawing pen or words from my laptop computer.

As a young boy, the blank pages of my sketchbooks became worlds of creative joy and discovery. They remain so now, in my fifth decade.

Whether drawing, painting or writing, the blank page (or canvas) is home to my creative being. It’s where the swirling dreams, ideas, and artistic expressions come alive.

Creating artwork and writing have always brought me great fulfillment and joy. Being a creative was my destiny, even though most of my adult professional life was in law enforcement.

We become tempted to fill the emptiness

My parents supported my artistic nature but suggested a conservative career route, since being a full-time artist can be financially challenging. Accordingly, I obtained undergraduate and graduate degrees in criminal justice administration and pursued a career in police work.

I enjoyed helping people and the adventure of my law enforcement career. I steadily promoted to new positions and spent the last ten years as chief of police.

But the creative muse was always whispering in my ear, like the voice of my old self calling from the past.

“When we have waited a long time for what we really want, we become tempted to fill the emptiness with unworthy substitutes. Don’t.” ― Jackie Viramontez

Despite my law enforcement success, I missed who I used to be. That creative, easy-going young man who loved to draw and write.

As a police chief, I sometimes used to paint on my lunch breaks.

I realized that I couldn’t spend my time away from work on unworthy distractions. Rather than playing golf or attending wine parties, I began prioritizing free time for my artwork.

I created a website for my art, took vacation time to attend painting and writing workshops, and stayed up late to paint and write. At work, I often used my lunch breaks to paint or draw cartoons.

Police cartoons I drew on my work breaks.

These efforts resuscitated the spirit of my old, creative self, and kept me sane at work.

You get to decide

Most people have to be pragmatic to make a living. Writing poetry, gardening, pottery, painting, and other creative pursuits seldom generate enough income to support yourself or a family.

But if you’re going to revive the person you were meant to be, you have to re-orient your life. You have to say no to discretionary distractions and buy time for your passions.

“You get to decide where your time goes. You can either spend it moving forward, or you can spend it putting out fires. You decide. And if you don’t decide, others will decide for you.” -Tony Morgan

It can be challenging, but it’s possible. With sound time management and reprioritization, you can revive the person you were meant to be.

The key is to become a pragmatic juggler, balancing work, family, and passions. Understand that it’s okay to politely say no to things that prevent you from becoming the person you were meant to be.

You might reach a point where your passion can become a full-time career. For some, this is great. But for others, it’s better to keep your passion apart from your financial livelihood. A monetized passion can quickly turn into a grind, killing the joy of it.

Is this everything I wanted for myself?

It would have been easy to continue my career as a police chief. I was making an excellent income, was established in my profession and community, and worked with amazing people. I was comfortable.

Yet I knew that my police career wasn’t everything I wanted for myself. I knew I had reached a point where I had to transition into becoming a full-time writer and artist. I had to revive the person I was meant to be.

An article in Lifehack.org notes:

When we stay in a certain lifestyle or situation for a long time, we have a tendency to just continue on without thinking too much about it. But when we begin to ask the questions ‘Is this everything I wanted for myself? Could things possibly be different somehow?’ we open ourselves to the possibility of something new. Things can, and always do change. We just need to recognize it.

There are always options for people looking to make a change in their lives. If you’re lucky enough to know exactly what you want to do with the rest of your life, then the next step is to start planning.

Talk things over with your loved ones. Research what it would take to make a change. Weigh the financial costs. Explore the possibility of re-locating. Talk to people already doing what you want to do. In short, do your homework. Make a plan.

The other thing is to be honest with yourself. Do you have the skills and talent to do the thing you always dreamed of? If not, then restructure your schedule to develop those skills.

Seek the best instruction, find mentors, and get comfortable with practice. Rare and valuable skills take time to develop.

Put yourself into newness

For many people, they know they need a change in their lives, but they don’t know what that change might be. Or perhaps they’ve outgrown old passions.

If this is you, then it’s time to experiment and try new things.

The article in Lifehack.org explains:

If you are beginning to recognize some unhappiness or malcontent, change things up. While this is not always easy, change things to the best of your ability. You will gain a new perspective on things that maybe you had no real idea about. You may end up walking a mile in another person’s shoes. You may end up walking a mile in no shoes at all. By simply putting yourself into newness, however, you are at the very least exposing yourself to possibility and new ideas. Change is as good as a holiday.

By taking the time to experiment and explore new things, you just might land on something new that truly excites you. This is one way to reinvent yourself. Put yourself into newness.

Never stop learning

I already know that writing and creating artwork are what I was meant to do. But that doesn’t mean I can rest on my laurels.

“There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.” -Jiddu Krishnamurti

To grow and sharpen the quality of my creative expression, I have to keep learning.

I make time each day for a cup of coffee and a good book. Feed your mind and change your life.

The Lifehack.org article suggests:

Never stop learning, never stop discussing, never stop peacefully exchanging thoughts and words and opinions. Your new self is constantly an amalgamation of all of your old selves combined with the greatness you continue to expose yourself to. And always remember that you are exactly where you are supposed to be, right now.

I read regularly, take on-line courses, and continually try to hone my creative skills. You can do the same thing. And if you can’t afford to pay for online courses, there are plenty of free instructional videos online. If you want to reinvent your life and be happy, you need to never stop learning.

I could never do that

Negative past experiences and discouragement from others can injure our self-confidence and ambition. Don’t let this happen. The past does not get to define the future, you do.

Ilene Strauss Cohen Ph.D., in an article for PsychologyToday.com, notes:

We think, ‘I could never do that!’ or ‘I could never make that happen!’ If you truly believe that, you’ll never accomplish your goals. Open up your mind, and believe in yourself. There will be many people who tell you that you can’t do it. It’s up to you to prove them wrong.

People tend to favor the familiar over the unfamiliar. The devil we know over the one we don’t. The problem with this is that personal growth requires some courage and discomfort. When we stick with the familiar, we limit ourselves and our potential.

I’m afraid of heights, but found the courage to go zip-lining high above the jungles of Costa Rica.

“Courage is your natural setting. You do not need to become courageous, but rather peel back the layers of self-protective, limiting beliefs that keep you small.” ― Vironika Tugaleva

Stop telling yourself you’re not good enough, or you don’t deserve it, or that you don’t have any ability. Imagine if you shut off these negative, self-limiting beliefs and just went for it. Sure, you might fail here and there, but odds are you’ll also succeed.

Stop trying to change everyone else

People are unique. We may share similarities, but everyone has their own likes, dislikes, tastes, preferences, biases, etc.

It’s a waste of time trying to change other people, and what gives you the right in the first place? Learn to focus on improving you, and stop worrying about everyone else.

There’s nothing wrong with treating people well and trying to make them happy. So long as you understand that ultimately, it’s not up to you to make other people happy. It’s up to them.

Dr. Cohen, in PsychologyToday.com, observes:

You can’t change another person, so don’t waste your time and energy trying. I think this is the biggest factor that pushes people to hold onto unhelpful behaviors, like the need to please. We think, ‘If only I do everything for everyone, they’ll never get mad at me.’ Wrong!

If you want to reinvent your life and be happy, you can’t put yourself at the mercy of everyone else. You have to set your own goals and dreams and work toward them unapologetically. Others may share their opinions of your dreams, but only you get to decide how to act.

This doesn’t mean you should abdicate your responsibilities in life. You still have to show up for work, be a loving spouse, provide for your children, etc. There’s a difference between being selfish and focusing on self-improvement.

God grant me the serenity

There’s a lot of wisdom in the opening lines of Reinhold Niebuhr’s serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

You can reinvent your life and be happy. You can revive the person you were meant to be.

Start by developing rare and valuable skills. Try new things, never stop learning, get rid of self-limiting beliefs, stop trying to change others, and remember the serenity prayer.

Do these things and you’ll be on your way, with the wind at your back, and your dreams anxiously awaiting your triumphant arrival.

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss. I draw cartoons, paint, and write about life. Thanks for reading.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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Artworks by John P. Weiss