You Don’t Have To Ghost After a Bad First Date

So you’ve been talking to someone you met from the dating app, and you can’t wait to see them in person. You have this idea in your head that it’s going to be a great first date. You even tell all of your friends about it.

Then here comes the day where you meet them for the first time. You thought something’s wrong — they aren’t what you are looking for in a partner. Maybe it’s the way they talk, or they aren’t just as what you expected in your head before.

While you can see he’s happy with the first date and would like to go for a second date, you choose not to. Now you are thinking about how to run away from the situation. It’s hard. You don’t want to hurt their feelings.

Should you ghost them? A lot of people have done it, and that seems OK, right? Well, not really.

I’ve been there where I had a strong urge to ghost a man I just had a first date with. And I’ve also been there where I was ghosted by someone that I liked. So I know how it feels from both situations.

If you don’t like the person you just met on the first date, you don’t have to ghost them. That’s the worst thing you can do to someone, especially when you know they are already into you.

Even if it hurts their feelings by being direct and honest, it’s still much better, and they’ll appreciate you more.

Here are some ways you can do to say “no” politely after the first date:

Avoid letting them know through texts.

In my first year in college, I let a guy know that I don’t like him back through text messages. For some odd reason, I refused to tell him directly or at least picked up his phone. That was the worst thing I’ve ever done to someone, and I still regret it to this day.

I know it takes courage to pick up the phone and tell them that they should start moving on because you don’t want them in your life. It’s uncomfortable to break someone’s heart, especially when you know there’s nothing wrong with them — it just that you have a different preference in a partner.

But letting them know through texts isn’t the best option. You need to show them that at the end of the day, you still appreciate the time you’ve spent talking to them before the first date, and if you want to be friends with them, it doesn’t hurt to let them know too.

Stop sugarcoating your reasons.

Don’t you hate someone who doesn’t want to straight-up telling you their real reasons of why they don’t want to be with you? Instead, they’ll let you know all of the cringe reasons that don’t make sense.

I’ve had that moment too where one guy told me he didn’t want to be in a relationship and wanted to focus on his “career” life only to find out he got married three months later.

It hurts and brutal. If you don’t like them, just tell them that they might be right for someone else but not for you. Tell them specifically why you think you both aren’t going to be a great match, so you don’t want to waste your time.

It’s so much better and sounds more mature rather than sugarcoating your reasons because eventually, they’ll find out.

Don’t give them false hopes.

A friend of mine talked to a girl who already said “no,” and there’s no way they can be together, but then she still strings him along. Giving him hopes that “maybe” someday she’ll like him back.

As a result, he couldn’t move on, and it took him months to finally realize that she just plays with his feelings. No one likes to be in that situation where you are just a backup in case there’s nobody else they can date.

I’ve noticed many girls do this with someone they just met, but the connection wasn’t strong enough for them to say “yes.” So they keep the man in their life and keep giving false hopes.

When you told them “no” and you gave them clear reasons, then that would be the end of the story. Unless you genuinely want to be friends with them without having the intention to string them along then it’s fine to keep them in your life.

Final Thought

If you’ve been rejected by someone you like before, then you most likely don’t want to ghost people because you know how it feels.

Hard conversations are uncomfortable to have, but it’s needed. So if you’ve been hesitating whether you should let them know the truth or not, then I highly recommend doing it.

Because they deserve your honesty, and if they can’t make you be their new partner, then at least they’ll still appreciate you for being upfront and not disappearing, just like most people do.

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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.

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