Men may feel they’re taking a boot to the groin, but it could be a great way to kick-start the economy.
In numerous scrotums across America, the juices of a crime are already percolating, while some lie placid, with the potential urge to rise when we least expect it. The exact nature of this growing menace comes into focus when we consider the archive of expert findings that detail drastic differences between the number of crimes perpetrated by those who possess balls compared to ovary owners.
According to 2010 data released by the FBI, a whopping 74.5% of arrestees are male. However, if we account for the percentage of crimes that have escaped the eye of our criminal justice system, the figure is likely higher, certainly by, at a minimum .05% more, raising the arrestee rate to 75%. Coincidentally, on the job force, women make an average of 75 cents to every male dollar.
Instant Recap:
MEN commit 75% of the crime
WOMEN earn 75% on the dollar
The stats above either indicate women need to commit more crimes, or men should pay more money for theirs. A female crime spree is clearly not the answer. However, a 25% tax hike on males could be easily implemented to cover this margin of injustice.
In addition to individual males, corporations will also receive the same across-the-board, genital-based taxation. Throughout history, an overwhelming majority of corporations have been created and run, solely by men. Therefore, it makes perfect sense to enact the 25% increase on corporations due to gonads, and based on the government’s Corporate Personhood Law. Corporations = Male People.
Per Wikipedia:
Corporate personhood is the status conferred upon corporations under the law, which allows corporations to have rights and responsibilities similar to those of a natural person.
Regardless of its controversial nature, a host of experts agree on the merits of revamping what they consider to be biased tax codes.
Bearer of testicles and Ph.D. from M.I.T., Andrea Ichino, has gone on the record to combat the outcry of critics claiming gender-based tax reform is nothing more than nuts. Ichino responds to the naysayers, “[…] This “crazy” idea is actually surprisingly sensible, the more so, the more one thinks about it without prejudice.”
His sentiments are seconded by fellow testosterone producer Alberto Alesina, a professor of political economy at Harvard University, who wholeheartedly supports increasing male taxation. Professor Alesina states, “There is nothing more hypocritical than to invoke equal treatment in some areas (taxation) for those who are not treated equally in many other areas.”
Meanwhile, scrotum possessor Gary North, an economist and historian sees things differently, “Socialism is simply Communism for people without the testosterone to man the barricades.”
Mr. North’s aggressiveness may indicate his adrenal glands are secreting a dangerous level of testosterone. If left untreated, his testicles could rupture.
Frankly, a civil way to battle the opposition of testicular tax reform is to simply list the major positives and minor negatives expected to come from the 25% increase:
PROS
- Corporate misconduct and the male perpetrators will finally be held financially accountable. Millions, if not billions, will be channeled back into the economy.
- Additional revenues raised will strengthen the core of our families via less tax on mothers (and all women), which in turn will be spent within the community, helping to create more local jobs.
- Fresh funding to our states will restore the education budget as well as increase the viability and functionality of currently crippled, social programs.
CONS
- You, or a very nice guy you know, will get stuck with higher taxes. But a genuinely nice guy won’t mind.
Now that you have seen the stats, and quotes, combined with both the positives and negatives of instituting a male-based tax, would you say you are for, or against, the Testosterone Tax? The ball’s in your court now.
this is pure non-sense. First of all the consequence of this would be taxing blacks and hispanic more than whites and I see no one even suggesting that. Second, women are not treated unequally in today’s world so this law would only help in pushing men down relative to women (as equality has been fully achieved). Also saying that men commit 75% of the crimes is meaningless because actually just the 1 or 3 % of the men are committing crimes, so not enough to justify taxing all the ball owners more. We could tax certain men with certain risky… Read more »
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Sign me up as a nice guy. I’ll pay. LOL This really brought a smile to my face and a big laugh and I bet my wife would go for this LMFAO from now on I’ll work on keeping my testosterone levels moderate to low.
I think genital-based taxation i.e. the Testosterone Tax is a sensible approach to solving all kinds of problems, fiscal and otherwise, but I’d take it a step further by requiring higher taxes based on size. The bigger the dick, the greater the added tax. There are some pretty big dicks out there and they should have to pay more based on how big of one they are. Of course there would have to be some sort of rating system but the good news is, the bigger the dick, the easier he is to spot, and he doesn’t even have to… Read more »
It turns out that most of us with male genitals work all day and then go home to our wife and kids, never making the news.
I can’t imagine how sad it would be to go through life expressing such hated and disregard for half of the population.
Margaret:
By that reckoning the author is behind $400k in taxes lol
I think this article is in poor taste being published on good men project. The article may be satire, but the underlying implication (which is serious) originates from the same tired place that a lot of feminist bile is spewed. Namely that men are the cause of most things bad in society.
The reality is that the good that men do vastly overshadows the bad that men do.
For a nice counter-point to this tired theme (men are the source of all problems) try this on for size:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ZAuqkqxk9A
Black males commit crimes at 11 times the rate of white males. Better make sure the tax is 11 times higher for black males. Or wait, women consume double the healthcare per capita that men consume so lets tax women for the extra healthcare.
Of course its funny; men can be the butt of any joke from having their genitals amputated, to a kick in the crotch on prime time TV to a joke tax on being male. There is no humiliation of a man that is considered improper.
Now I know the GMP pretends it has balls, so lets see the same article for women. After all, if Good Men can laugh at themselves we can certainly laugh at women, right?
I hope to hell this is a joke, its not a very funny one.
Maybe we should tax black men more since they are more likely to commit a violent crime? Oh wait! Thats racist.
I suggest you think about the millions of men who represent the vast majority of the death profession workforce in your country and sacrafice their health every day to make your life liveable before you complain too loudly about how men are making your life worse.
No. It’s wrong and crazy to punish people who’ve done nothing wrong. That’s why the Klan is evil: They want to punish all blacks because, maybe, sometime, once in history, a black man actually did something bad to a white woman. So they want to punish all black men forever. That’s insane and wrong.
It’s the same thinking as yours. Incidentally, there are plenty of women in the Klan. Are you willing to be punished for that? If not, why not?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law
I think Poe would agree that the crime breakdown listed in the image above http://dcgn0mrmiumxb.cloudfront.net/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/2nd_IMAGE_charliekazfranco_Testosterone_Tax_Goes_Under_Wiki_Info.jpg might handle the emoticon he suggests is needed. However, many lines in the post cover that emoticon as well. But frankly, as with any writing, once it’s out there it will be taken in however the reader chooses to take it in. Thanks for the discussion. And I’m quite certain such a tax would never happen in America. Rest assured, there will be no people flooding the streets or in tents, no pepper spraying vigilantes, no protest at all on Occupy Ball Street, anytime soon.
Right, because the police evicting protesters excuses this kind of sexism.
Yeah, on Occupy BALL Street Peter, that’s what they do. You’re a “riot”.
Don’t they perform testicalculations about the value of stock all day? The protesters should take one from the history books and build an oestrogen horse to get back into Zuchotti Park.
Read The Myth of Male Power, Dr. Warren Farrell. Men in our society are disposable and not valued the same way women are valued. Nobody bats an eye at the thought of men going to combat but there is hand wringing and debate over whether women should be in combat roles.
Male fatalities in industry are accepted but if a woman is killed on the job it’s a tragedy that merits a full inquest.
The article is satire but the the concept of a testosterone tax is doubly insulting.
I was thinking about going to find some LSD, acid, and/or meth tonight. Good thing I came here first because apparently I’m already tripping on something…
Saved me more $ than swicthing to Geico!!!
I was wondering how long it’d take for a Geico employee to sneak in a company plug. Very crafty, but we’re on to you.
Oh don’t be fooled let me tell you the rest of the experience AFTER I saved that money (you know, the part that gecko doesn’t tell you about in the ads). First time I got in an accident it took me 3 calls over the course of an hour to actually get a person (I f’n hate automated systems and I think this one can tell how angry you are and when you get too angry it just hangs up on you) and do you know what the hell that agent told me? That due to my higher levels of… Read more »
Wacky story Danny. Sounds like you were face to face with A Pepper Spray Cop. Ticketing you for the meter running out, while you’re with chatting with him is preposterously funny… during the discussion you probably took off your seat belt too, he should have ticketed you for that as well. Oh God… So wrong, in so many ways.
A brilliant idea! Of course, you’ll need to break it down more. First, since black and hispanic men are overwhelmingly the criminals, that tax would need to be adjusted accordingly for those groups. Second, get rid of the hokey 75% money earned fable. When you adjust for hours worked and years of experience, women are making the same amount in the same industries. Third, these tax principles can be expanded upon. Men get over 90% of the deaths and injuries in the military and on the job. It’s only fair that women pay for the privilege of not being in… Read more »
This doesn’t work as satire due to Poe’s Law.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe's_law
It’s essentially impossible to satirize Feminism due to mainstream Feminists advocating essentially anything you can exaggerate for effect. Consider gendercide, where Feminists advocate wiping out men and creating an all female society (for a single generation, then human life ends). This proposal was not satire. Or the current ‘Ableism’ meme, nearly as ridiculous.
Oh hell now don’t give them something else to cry about.
Are some of them on some outlandish stuff? Sure enough. Are some of the ones that aren’t that far out there letting some of that pass. Yep.
But I’m tired of blaming them or all that stuff because all it does is give them more victim cards to build a house with so they can claim there is no such thing as a fair critique of their movement.
There’s quite a bit of difference between a fair critique and a good satire. I’m not obfuscating anything on the behalf of feminists. I’m saying that so many feminists have already made so many absurd arguments in good faith that the whole is largely beyond parody. To clarify even further, when something falls into Poe’s Law territory, where good faith observers can’t tell if something is a joke or serious, it’s a bad thing.
Next time I am hanging out in a Christian Forum with “Poe” I’ll discuss with him the need to add emoticons to articles. And to books too. And in TV dramas if a character isn’t being entirely serious in a scene. His “Law” is EXACTLY on par with the government adding a “Testosterone Tax.” I think maybe Poe is winking a big smiley face bag of emoticons at his fans. Funny fella.
This could be funny, except that such a thing has been seriously proposed in Sweden. When it comes to radical feminism (and to so-called moderate feminists who give it cover by spreading myths like the existence of patriarchy in western society, the existence of rape culture, or the idea that pay differentials between the sexes are due to sexism and not women’s choices) it seems the most absurd ideas from satire are never far from reality.
True dat.
This entire site should have a “satire” tag.
Charlie, you can’t tax my testosterone, but you can tax my gametes.. I’ll give you a personal oral deposit. but only if you’re under 26 and smoking hot, and you must first ask very nicely. Assuming you pass muster, you’ll need to wear something sexy, and take me out to a nice Italian dinner first.
(Hey, it’s satire!)
Is that a dig at me? Cause I don’t much mind if you make jokes. Not at all. I thought the “personal oral deposit” was a funny turn of phrase actually.
Were you trying to use your satiric wit as a weapon in constructive social criticism or just to irritate me? 😉
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satire
If the shoe fits….
I like shoes.
Shocking, truly.
(r)Evoluzione, that reminds me of a quote I heard in a documentary on prison. There was a death row convict who said something quite similar… almost verbatim. I remember this clearly because at that exact moment I was eating a microwave burrito and a few beans escaped, falling to the floor. I also recall that the burrito looked nothing at all like the picture on the package. That pissed me off. Corporations shouldn’t be able to get away with that kind of false advertisement. STUPID BURRITO!
Ooh, tell me more about the burrito in your mouth. Did you… bite it? When you did, I bet some chili squirted out into your mouth, dribbling down your chin.
I don’t make burritos often, nor advertise about them. But when I do, they are very spicy burritos. (I use the Indian Ghost Pepper: Over 1 Bazillion scoville units) The burritos I make always are prepared without beans. Because beans make me gassy. Gassiness combined with that many scoville units might cause the bomb squad to show up in hazmat gear with a fucking robot to disarm my rectum.
Check the tags, everyone. It’s just satire.
A cursory view of her twitter feed indicates she writes in humorous and surreal points of view. I can’t for the life of me see how anyone would take this article as anything but satire. I guess I could be wrong, I’d need to hear it from her though.
Julie the topic seems to have been previously debated with a modicum of zeal. Either way Charlie Kazfranco strikes me more as being passive aggressive then sarcastic.
Not that I plan on taking it seriously though…that would be foolish.
As foolish as taking an article on taxing women due to their unstable pesky hormones or anything race based etc etc. How about we actually tax people based on what they earn and make corporations behave like proper businesses. And quit gutting social services so we can pad the military.
Anyone seriously positing taxing people for being too male or too female or too fat or too tall or whathaveyou has gone round the bend.
Julie, do you remember the book “Men Are Not Cost-Effective”?
The challenge in writing a parody of radical feminism is that it’s hard to come up with something that won’t be mistaken for ACTUAL radical feminism.
Taxing people based on actual earnings sounds like a good idea. And one I don’t think our government has ever tried. I agree that before we go smacking all scrotum sacks with a crippling tax, we should look into a more fair and balanced system. And if that fails we can always fall back on THIS. Or try the “pesky hormone race based” tax.
Julie, after reading the comment section I think it suggests that this author is a feminist gone feral, passive/aggressive, potentially hot yet maybe/probably not, possibly on strong drugs, and a few other colorful things of interest… Her Twitter account is rarely active, which could imply she spends most of her time bashing men, out on the street with a bullhorn, shouting, “YOUR BALLS ARE EVIL!” while wearing a t-shirt which claims the world is coming to an end. It all sounds plausible to me.
After reading my own comments, it’s clear that the I enjoy playful banter with creative minds, often seek resolution through humor. My twitter account is filled with retweets which indicates either that I’m too busy for 140 characters or don’t have much to say.
My FB account is another matter entirely.
I have a basketball in living room. I enjoy bouncing it.
Apparently, she has a ‘thing’ about balls. No likey teh testes?
You just need to spend more time with them. Get to know them, appreciate them. Cuddle them. Warm them in your busom. Once you do, I guarantee you’ll experience a vas deferens.
Like real mature dude..
This reminds me of Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”…. At least I hope the reminder is justified.
Satire, much?
Satire should be taxed.
No taxation without satirization.
Julie, BRILLIANT!
True before it became satire. Poe has spoken.
http://www.thelocal.se/article.php?ID=468&date=20041005
We should go all the way and tax anyone who uses a masculine name. If a woman would rather go by Charlie than Charlotte, maybe she has a disproportionate amount of testosterone.
Blame my parents for that, not me. Blame your parents too, because I’m sure they did something, at some point, that deserves blame. Dammit. Why must we suffer this endless game of misery? There must be hope at the end of the rainbow… or is there just a creepy leprechaun hording a pot of gold? Tax the leprechaun.
Teh leprechauns are not citizens. They should be deported immediately.
(But who will pick the clover? Surely not ‘mericans. Their work ethic is too weak. Only leprachauns will pick the quad-leafed legume at the wages the market is willing to pay. In gold, naturally)
You do realize the implicit racism of this proposal don’t you? African-American and Hispanic men commit crimes at a higher rate than other groups. This tax would call attention to the fact and likely lead to an even greater crackdown on them. Because as more of them are imprisoned (at great cost), the male crime rate will drop, thus reducing the extra tax on men. That will surely give white men in power the incentive to incarcerate them for longer times at higher rates.
Since non-Asian minorities commit higher rates of crime than Whites and Asians, according to the FBI, should they be taxed higher?
Poor people commit the most crimes. Thus, following this logic, poor people should be taxed the highest. Therefore, the solution is not to address poverty and its causes; rather, poor people, including those in prison, should pay the highest income tax. That will solve both our social and budget problems.
The more you think this through, the more evident its brilliance becomes.
As it says in the post, it would be an across the board tax on all males. All. But for the record it is rich people who commit the worst crimes, and their crimes often greatly effect the poor. This is true in all countries. And their crimes often go unpunished. If the Testosterone Tax was implemented the rich males would pay.
The feminists are gonna hate me for this but how about all rich people pay their fare share of tax, even women?
I’ve already mentioned that. Why would feminists not want fair tax for everyone?
I don’t personally know anyone who isn’t for a ‘fair tax’ -outside of my circle is a different story though. Of course.
TBH, 75% of all crimes are committed by people raised in single mother homes. Racial disparities in crimes that are prosecuted can be parsed and muddled as necessary, but when 3/4-4/5 of all arrested persons are from single mother homes (and minorities from dual-parent homes’ crime rates are virtually identical to whites and Asians), the real cause becomes clear.
This is a very funny parody of radical feminism! Congratulations and thanks for the chuckle. Wouldn’t it be wacky if there really WERE people proposing such a bizarre idea in real life? Real men would never put up with it, of course, but still….
I really hope this is a parody.
Otherwise, it’s another perfect example of why I don’t support feminism fully.
First it’s being told “You’re priveledged. What happened to you is nothing compared to what women go through”, then “Check your priveledge”, etc.
Now we have an article calling for the taxation of a major portion of the population just because…well…them women oppressors are all the same and testostorone “Ewww”.
I pray to god this is a joke.
It’s a joke, Eagle. Whether the author is aware of that fact is debatable, but trust me: it’s still a joke.
I think the author of this debacle must of been ignored by her daddy. And now she wants to tax him for his bastardly ways. (???) But that’s just conjecture on my end, as obviously I’m not privy to what the author is thinking or what kind of hairy, hulking jerk her daddy must of been.
Like I said – “Passive Aggressive”…
More like “sarcastic” I’d say. She seems assertive enough to me.
Copyleft, greetings. You nailed it with the ‘radical feminism.’ And two of the men I quoted are the most radical of the bunch. They are the Warren Buffets of tax-it-up happiness.