While on a walk at my favorite park in Torrance, I spent some quiet time feeding walnuts to my little squirrel friend, Rocky. The Rock stood at my feet looking at me while enjoying the snack. Afterward, I stopped at the park restroom, where I helped a handicapped young man wash his hands after I washed mine. He looked at me and said, “Papa.” Likely because I’m so old. His caregiver said, “No, DJ, he’s someone else’s Papa.” Actually, no. I have no children of my own. Still, that was sincere flowers. I smiled.
Later, DJ walked over to say, “Goodbye.” His kindness touched my heart. He extended his hand to shake mine. Pointing to his mouth, DJ said, “Teeth.” His caregiver clarified, “That means smile.” I got it. I smiled back. We walked up the park sidewalk together. I put my hand on his back. I said, “You take care.” Maybe I touched DJ’s heart, but he touched mine far more. Just saying.
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O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “The way of the warrior is to give life to all things, to reconcile the world, and to foster the completion of everyone’s journey.” The late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido, what it is to be a good man, and to make a difference for others. For 25 years, Sensei was a father to me until he passed away. Sensei was samurai. In Japanese, samurai means to serve.
In Aikido, Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” That’s bushido, the Way of the Samurai, the Way of the Warrior.
Whether the 250-pound man or life strikes, I take a glancing blow for what’s meaningful to me. I put myself out there in the world. I take a glancing blow to make a difference, to be of service to others. That’s Mizukami Sensei’s enduring legacy.
I wish I were tall, but there is zero chance of me growing at this age. I wish I were profanely rich, and that I could date Charlize Theron, but I have done the math and know that I have a nonzero chance of that happening. Yet, touching someone’s heart, being kind, and making a difference are far more meaningful. Just saying.
I don’t know what goes on inside someone else’s mind and heart. Still, I have compassion for what it’s like to be them. In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. That’s life. The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. We all have to find our own paths to end suffering. If I can lessen someone else’s suffering in some way and be kind, I do that. In the Greek proverb, kindness begets kindness. When in doubt be kind. Just be good to people. Again just saying.
The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism is the source of suffering. My childhood abuse and trauma were my source of suffering. When I was a little boy, Dad scared the hell out of me. Whatever, I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. I was not good enough for Dad. I never would be. Neither would I be good enough for anyone, especially me. Finding my path to end my suffering was all on me.
I work on myself, not on others. I just train in Aikido, work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression, write about loving and forgiving myself on the Good Men Project with my editor Li M Blacker, and practice meditation daily. I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough over and over and over again. Although my fear inside never completely disappears, I let go more of the fear inside. Everything is quiet inside me. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I try to make a difference whenever possible. I do what’s meaningful to make life more meaningful.
Maybe my kindness let DJ know that I liked him as he was and that he mattered in the world. However meaningful I might have been to DJ during our brief encounter, he was way more meaningful to me. DJ looks at the world with kindness and an open heart. He made me the greater man.
In the bigger picture, DJ and I made a difference for each other. We were of service to each other. We were samurai. Just saying.
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Photo by Ditto Bowo on Unsplash
