If real life is so much more important than money, Tom Matlack writes, then why do so many men care about being rich?
In the 1990s I had to endure martini-fueled lunches at the Hope Club on the East Side of Providence when I was the Chief Financial Officer of The Providence Journal Company. Family shareholders, men who spent their days playing drunken games of backgammon in tweed jackets worn through at the elbows, would ridicule my boss and me for our gross negligence at the helm of their inheritance. When we sold a portion of the company (the cable assets that constituted less than half of the whole) for $1.4 billion, each of these individuals received hundreds of millions. “Phew,” one commented. “I can pay for the milk this month.” The speaker had never worked at the company. In fact, he’d never worked at all. He was delusional and dead serious.
In 2001, just after making a fortune on the Internet bubble, I bought a brand new metallic blue Porsche convertible loaded with every available option. I had to wait for my car to be built according to my specifications. A few days after it was finally delivered and was safely in my garage, I found myself walking down Newbury Street in Boston, a high-end shopping district, and happened to see some other guy driving exactly the same car. “What an asshole,” I caught myself muttering as my instinct was to loathe the driver of such an extravagant vehicle until realizing that if he was an asshole, then I must be one, too.
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I realize that our national religion is that greed is good. But I am not so sure.
Guys keep score based on their financial influence. Owning a team is close to the pinnacle. Being a sports celebrity is pretty good too. As is running a big company. But the best is just pure, raw wealth, generally generated these days through running a successful hedge fund or being a founder of a company that got huge in a hurry. There is most definitely a sense of who has what and who has done what. The men know it, and so do the women, more than a few of whom are with dramatically older husbands who offer little in the way of physique but more than make up for that in power and wealth.
I am just as greedy as the next guy, so it would be highly hypocritical of me to dish out hate without pointing the finger directly at myself. In some sense I have built my own identity, my own ego, around my ability to magically turn straw into gold. I like to play it off—to hide the fact behind nobler ambitions. But put me in the room with the raw meat of a deal at stake and see what happens.
We have a problem when it comes to money and manhood. Why is there so much talk about money among guys? Why is any real discussion about our own complicated relationship to personal wealth and poverty more difficult to get at than our sexual hang-ups? S&M is kind of cute. Money is not.
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According to the most recent census, 47,000 Americans had a net worth of in excess of $20 million. That’s 0.01% of the population. They controlled 25% of the personal wealth in the country, or $2.6 trillion. According to the same census as of March 2009, 8.1 million U.S. families are living below the poverty line.
Separate from the brutal facts of the growing inequity of wealth distribution is the lack of real upward mobility, which was once the very heart and soul of our country’s mission. And this comes down to educational opportunity. It’s no surprise that Bill Gates and Marc Zuckerberg attended Harvard. All of our recent Presidents and all of our sitting Supreme Court justices went to elite colleges.
Separate from the brutal facts of the growing inequity of wealth distribution is the lack of real upward mobility, which was once the very heart and soul of our country’s mission. And this comes down to educational opportunity.
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The most recent study of global education by the Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) was striking, not only because the U.S. fell out of the top 10 in almost every category, but also because of the underlying reason for the fall. “The best school systems were the most equitable—students do well regardless of their socio-economic background. But schools that select students based on ability early show the greatest differences in performance by socio-economic background.”
On this basis, the U.S. did far worse than most of the developing and developed world (See: Waiting for Superman). For a country that prides itself on being able to build a life and a dream from absolutely nothing, the fact is that is near-impossible given our current system of elite private secondary schools and colleges and failing public ones.
Eight years ago, a political scientist named Anthony Marx took over as President of Amherst College, perhaps the most selective of all elite colleges, with the stated agenda of changing the school’s admissions policies to ones based on merit that did not exclude those below the poverty line. In his 2003 inaugural address, he quoted from a speech President John F. Kennedy had given at Amherst—he asked, “What good is a private college unless it is serving a great national purpose?”
Marx recently resigned to run the New York City Public Library system. And while he made progress at Amherst—22% of his students receive Pell Grants, which means they are in the bottom half of the income distribution, up from 13% when he took over—according to Mr. Marx the national problem has only gotten worse. He was quoted in The New York Times at the time of his final commencement address:
We claim to be part of the American dream and of a system based on merit and opportunity and talent,” Mr. Marx said. “Yet if at the top places, two-thirds of the students come from the top quartile and only five percent come from the bottom quartile, then we are actually part of the problem of the growing economic divide rather than part of the solution.
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He mentioned a Georgetown University study of the class of 2010 at the country’s 193 most selective colleges. As entering freshmen, only 15 percent of students came from the bottom half of the income distribution. Sixty-seven percent came from the highest-earning fourth of the distribution. These statistics mean that on many campuses affluent students outnumber middle-class students.
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I grew up the son of intellectuals. My paternal grandparents had some money but that didn’t change my day-to-day existence. If the standard amongst faculty brats in Amherst, Massachusetts was to live in humble-but-new construction homes in a development called Echo Hill, we fell below that standard. We lived in a double house on Main Street that my parents turned into a communal living situation for graduate students.
There just wasn’t any extra money. We drove a Volvo station wagon into the ground and then a white Renault that was purchased used and broke down frequently. I was put on a clothing allowance early on and left to fend for myself. By the time I was in junior high, my dad had been passed over for tenure, and money had gone from tight to a lot tighter.
I was a particularly sensitive kid, large for my age and shy. My brother and sister were not phased by this unique upbringing, but it pained me. I was embarrassed. I became determined to fit in when I became an adult. I would have enough money to live in the equivalent of Echo Hill. Little did I know, I would vastly overshoot my goal.
My parents gave me two very important gifts: a strong intellectual grounding and an example of being utterly fearless in the face of authority (in their case it was demonstrating for Civil Rights and against the Vietnam War). I went to an elite college and university on what I had internalized pretty much through osmosis from my parents, and when the time came to enter the business world—and make true my determination not to be poor—my abilities proved to be perplexingly effective.
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Porsche photo pedrosimoes7/Flickr
Harvard photo: Patricia Drury/Flickr
“…the brutal facts of the growing inequity of wealth distribution…” Objection your Honor! I’ve yet to see ANY “distribution” of this nations wealth. Was I born into a world where zillions were already settled somewhere? Yes! Is there anything I can do about where the dollars settled after my birth? Yes! The day anyone distributes free-market wealth in the USA (beyond welfare etc), I’ll move to Italy where they are already proficient at the game. (I know “distribution of wealth” is a catch-phrase for a sense of economic and social equity, but I just wanted to drive home a point… Read more »
guess I’m banned now.
Oh well. Probably for the better.
But Tom, haven’t you been paying any attention? It’s all just a myth that the evil patriarchy forces upon us.
Here are two articles that get some much needed perspective on the whole money obsession:
http://www.brightmillionaire.com/articles/opinions/money-is-not-everything-bull
http://www.brightmillionaire.com/articles/opinions/money-myths
Men caring about being rich (having status and power and coming off as “providers” to women is paralleled in our evolved psychology by women caring about being beautiful. Bottom line, it’s about appealing to the opposite sex. Lamenting our evolved adaptations is silly.
” Lamenting our evolved adaptations is silly.”
And yet, you still took time to read and comment on this ‘silly’ article.
As soon as you make money, and lots of it people get jealous. Two partners and i have created over 120M in income, in the last 16 months with oilfield related investments. People just assume this comes with no work. Everyone can create somthing from nothing if you want it bad enough. And i get constant comments about how i just throw money away. If i make it i’m gonna spend it, just like anyone else.
Interesting mind-trip especially regarding your own self-awareness about your own want or desire to be rich. It is a very nuanced and layered issue. Thanks for sharing.
What a GREAT article! I have always said that most women have a “love-hate” relationship with money, but now you’ve spilled the beans for me… men do, too! Even financially successful men. I appreciated the honesty with which you were able to sort through your own feelings about money, including the judgment placed on others who might be not so different from you. It has always struck me that prejudice against the rich is a great way to keep ourselves stuck in not-so-empowering financial positions ourselves, since we tend not to move towards that which we despise. As you said… Read more »
You description of the “family shareholders” is so funny…My neighbor is dating a guy from a wealthy family (oilfields in Texas!) but it seems that all he does is play golf and constantly drunk call her….Charming, ay? She broke up with him for 9 months and then he won her back with a huge diamond ring…I don’t know him that well but it seems that he just thinks people are just his little playthings to entertain him…
Great article…Thanks for digging deep!
The truth of this recession is not just one issue there are many things that have taken place. Just like many things take place to create wealth there is also the other side of the coin. All of the people’s actions, the government, the laws and mentality are what has brought this country down. People don’t want to worship god anymore and they expect to be wealthy. The government is doing a horrible job at protecting civil and religious liberties. Socialism is creeping in from under the door due to stupid choices that have been made by our liberal leaders.… Read more »
Tom, thanks much for having the guts to talk about this (and I’m sorry that I missed it when you first wrote it). I think it’s really one of the most important issues our country faces, and it’s kind of astounding to me what a blind spot people really have about it. You’re completely right, of course, that money does buy happiness up to a certain point – the point at which you can pay the bills and have enough left over to do some things that mean something to you, and hopefully put away a little in savings against… Read more »
I think rich people don’t even realize how lucky they are.
I think rich people feel like martyrs.
Agreed. I’m pretty sure that it’s been established the the rich almost always underestimate their wealth. You see it very often with rich people who are in 1% who do not feel they are wealthy.
I’m a musician. Well, I’m really a musician, artist, writer… but I don’t really get to do it much. I spend most of my days in severe depression. I went to college – two of them in fact, and I’ve been employed during the entire economic crisis. Most days, I see my income – 66% of it after taxes – going out the door so fast I have just enough to buy groceries and gas for my car to get to work. I have one luxury – a cell phone that’s far removed from the top of the line, gotta… Read more »
This article reminds me of when I was a kid and tried to keep all the cookies for myself. I told my little brother that the cookies were bad. They tated awful, you wouldn’t want any, you’re better off without them. They have raisins in them (I said, even when they didn’t have raisins), and you don’t like raisins. Never seemed to work….
The problem with Americans in general is our shortsightedness and our microcosm view of the world. If someone earns $40,000 annually, do you realize they are in the top 3% of the wealthiest people worldwide? The World Bank reports that 85% of the worlds population earns less than $2100 annually with over 50% earning less than $850. The sheer amount of poverty in this world is staggering and the best Americans do is complain about what they don’t have. We have completely lost sight of our fellow man, viewing their problems as being “over there”. The idea of money making… Read more »
“The problem with Americans in general is our shortsightedness and our microcosm view of the world. If someone earns $40,000 annually, do you realize they are in the top 3% of the wealthiest people worldwide? The World Bank reports that 85% of the worlds population earns less than $2100 annually with over 50% earning less than $850. ”
I see your point. It’s a good one. I would point out that the situation looks a tiny bit better if you factor in the cost of living. A thousand bucks goes a lot further in some places than others….
Chopperpapa,
I’m a little confused. Are poor people unhappy with their lives or not? If pursuing money does not make one happy, then does that mean poverty is liberating? Presumably those who are poor also waste their lives chasing the dream about having more. If rich people are being punished by their own wealth, then it sounds like the system is working just fine.
Well done, Tom. Great insights and raw honesty.
I think that the principal reason men want to make money and be rich is to be able to attract beautiful women. If there were a society where the women disdained security and privilege, then the men in that society would be much less interested in wealth and money, as a matter of course. If there were a society where the women were obsessed with pomegranates, say, then the men of that society would strive to accumulate, plant, and hoard pomegranate trees and fight each other over them. And, conversely, women are overly focused on their beauty in order to… Read more »
Everyone wants to be rich. Some people are born into wealth or luck into it. Many others work hard or smart and to earn wealth and then there are scores of others who don’t want to put forth the effort required to become rich and instead whine about the wealthy. I have zero respect for the whiners. Most of the wealthy do pay their taxes honestly and in fact pay far more in a year or two than most of us will ever pay in our lifetimes.
And another: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7493521/Kwik-Save-tycoon-gives-up-riches-in-pact-with-God.html
Granted, he’s a pretty old dude, so it’s not quite the same, but still…
Anonymous male, ask for a multimillionaire to give away his fortune and you shall receive.
See here for more details: http://digitaljournal.com/article/287885
Google the name Karl Rabeder for more info.
I applaud you Tom for writing this article and addressing critical issues about wealth at a time when people would rather fight and blame each other than learn. Its instructive that making more money increases happiness until we reach about $75,000/year. From my experience working with addicts, people who continue to want “more” even though it doesn’t make them happier and in many cases makes them more unhappy, is an addiction. Most people understand that drinking more than is good for you and continuing to do it despite the problems it causes, is an indication of alcohol addiction. Few people… Read more »
Great personal reflection on a very thorny, murky subject. It’s Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. If you’re worried about surviving, you don’t think about personal fulfillment. You think that money will solve your problems, because it will — it will buy you food and shelter. If your basic survival needs are well accounted for, then and only then do you have the luxury to think about whether or not money makes you happy and/or what good things you can do with the money you have. I was married to a very rich and VERY ruthless man and was miserable. I left… Read more »
If any man feels that his enormous wealth is a huge burden, that the pursuit of money has not been worth the hassle, he can always put his money where his mouth is and give it away. If your wealth has spoiled your life more than helped, then get rid of it. When someone complains about the downside to something but still holds onto it, I find it hard to believe that person. I’m calling the bluff that it’s more trouble than it’s worth.
Post like this make me glad not to live in the U.S. It’s lousy education system which tilts the playing field so heavily against the less well off is a disgrace. I’m happy I live in a country where equality of opportunity means a something more than it does in the US of A. I’ve spent many years chasing the money too. It’s not all its cracked up to be. Yeah, the six figure job is nice and working with the real wheeler dealers of society doing the multi billion dollar deals is interesting, but not very fulfilling at all.… Read more »
Money doesn’t have to be part of the equation.
http://www.thevenusproject.com/a-new-social-design/resource-based-economy
humblebrag.