I hit a huge milestone earlier this year — I turned 30. To say the final year of my 20’s didn’t go as I expected would be an understatement, so I was looking forward to entering a new decade and starting a new chapter.
I made it my mission to embrace my 30’s, rather than dreading it. My 20’s had been a grind; I started my career, earned a Master’s degree, worked my way up in my career, and even got engaged. And while I’m grateful for where the grind has gotten me today, I knew I wanted to focus more on myself in this new period of life.
And one of the things I’ve set out to do is adopt habits to make me a more confident person. If my 20’s showed me anything it’s that I’m capable of more than I gave myself credit for, and I want to start carrying myself with the confidence that I can take on any challenge.
Here are five habits I’ve incorporated into my life that are helping me to become a more confident woman.
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1. She Only Says ‘Yes’ When She Means It
For someone who lacks confidence, saying ‘no’ can be hard because it’s such a direct and definitive response. I used to feel like saying no was letting other people down, so I avoided it as often as I could.
But I ended up always doing for others and never doing anything for myself. And there’s no confidence buster like spreading yourself so thin that you can’t do anything to the best of your ability.
So I’ve started being very selective in committing myself to something. And by using my ‘yes’ sparingly, I’ve learned how powerful it can be. Now I know that when I agree to something, it has a big impact because it is absolutely genuine and I’ll be able to give it my all. And I’m confident enough to say ‘no’ for the sake of respecting my own boundaries.
2. She Prioritizes Self Care
“Don’t ever set yourself on fire to keep others warm.” — Penny Reid
I recently bought a beautiful art print with this quote and framed it for my office at work. It’s become my motto for my 30’s and reminds me that burning myself out for the sake of others doesn’t benefit anyone at all.
I’ve stopped checking my work e-mail during non-working hours, I’ve prioritized doing things that I love such as working out and blogging, and when I need a moment to just relax I allow myself to do it without feeling guilty.
While these are minor changes, the act of prioritizing myself has really upped the value that I place on my well-being, which allows me to present myself more confidently. After all, how can I feel confident if I’m not willing to take the time to make sure I’m doing well?
3. She Displays Confident Body Language
It sounds cliché, but holding your head a little higher really does make all the difference in the world. In fact, social psychologist Amy Cuddy suggests that simply changing our body language to appear more confident can have a direct impact on how confident we feel.
I’ve struggled with poor posture for as long as I can remember, to the point where people have commented on it. Working many hours in front of a computer will do that to you.
I added a laptop stand to my desk at work to encourage myself to sit up taller. And maybe it’s just a placebo, but I feel much more productive and capable when I’m sitting upright.
I’ve also made eye contact a point of emphasis, especially when I’m in conversations. I used to be the first to break eye contact, but now that I maintain it I find that I am a more engaged listener in a conversation, and thus able to contribute more. Plus, the person I’m talking with is more likely to look me in the eye when it’s my turn to speak, which is an added confidence boost.
4. She Knows Her Strengths and Weaknesses
I’m still learning things about myself, even at the age of 30. Recently I’ve started challenging myself to call out my weakness and find ways that I can accept them, rather than shy away from them.
One of the things I’ve come to realize about myself is that I have really strong written communication skills, but I can struggle to convey my message effectively in conversation with someone I am unfamiliar with.
I used to get embarrassed about it, but now I treat my conversations more like my writing. I allow myself to pause to really think about what it is I’m trying to say and I’m not afraid of saying something once and having to rephrase it, much like the editing process in writing.
By working with my weaknesses I have also come to better understand my strengths, even discovering some that I didn’t realize I had. And ultimately, understanding yourself will have a positive influence on your confidence.
5. She’s Willing to Step Outside of Her Comfort Zone
I’ve had to learn how to trust myself to enter unknown situations, which was a true test of my self-confidence. And ironically enough, some of the moments I’ve felt most confident were when I did things that made me uncomfortable.
Like allowing myself to let loose on the dance floor at a friend’s wedding, or having the confidence to strike up a conversation with a stranger at a coffee shop — putting on a brave face to take on these uncomfortable situations taught me that I could do difficult and vulnerable things.
And by nudging myself to step out of my comfort zone, I’ve come to realize that testing my limits is the only way I can truly grow.
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The good news is that self-confidence can be built, just like most other skills and qualities, with a bit of practice. So don’t be afraid to consistently step out of your comfort zone, learn a little more about yourself, and put yourself first. You certainly don’t need to have it all together to carry yourself with confidence.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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